Mom of 24 y/o w/ bipolar II - schizoaffective disorder - depressive type for which the diagnosis he does not fully agree since he adds he has had manic symptoms as well. Regardless, this has all come to a head within the past year. I need help to know how to handle this situation, what we as parents can do. He is manipulative and has not held a job except for one lasting perhaps 3 months of which problems got in the way so he quit.
He has been in and out of psych hospitals 3+ times, this last they transferred him to a behavioral center for about 2 weeks. He's back home, nowhere to go. Still on our insurance until he's 26.
Problem, he is not willing to do ANYTHING to help himself. He knows how to manipulate people and things to get what he wants but I am hard fooled and he knows that.
I feel like me and my husband are suffocating, searching for someone to help us understand his limits or whether or not he is manipulating things until he can get on disability.
It is our understanding he can not work until his disability through SS is approved which can take up to three months. He does absolutely NOTHING at home, holds up in his room on the computer talking to friends and possibily contemplating his next move. Keeps changing plans to go back to unhealthy habits. Takes meds but seems to need someone to remind him about everything, I won't. I'm SPENT. I'm afraid too. What is this going to end up like? YES we LOVE him but we are emptied of doing for him. What and how can we expect anything to come from him while he is in our home? He was set up to go to a group home but is having excuses, no surprise to us. I want him out but can not kick him out to nothing. Is there help???? Please, I need to know what we should expect of him, it is not like he is incapacitated or physically disabled! I am afraid to be open and frank with him because it always ends up he is on the defense. Besides a therapist, where can we get fast answers and immediate support? Please help....
I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I had to let my brother go live his life elsewhere, without my issues dragging him down. My own therapist insisted that I tell him he didn't have to take care of me and could leave. It was the best thing for both of us.
He probably cannot work, even though his disability is not visible. But you can insist that he go to that group home. If you are as "hard-fooled" as you say, and you've had enough of his not taking care of himself, his being out of the nest, but in the safety of a group home, will get him to be more independent and will help him grow.
Remind him and yourself that it's a group home, not another country--You wouldn't be "kicking him out to nothing."
The therapist or the hospital he was in is the best place to get fast answers and immediate support. Check out www.nami.org for support for yourself (and your son).
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but to me it seems like you are being entirely insensitive to your sons needs. Why do you think he is being manipulative? What has he done to show his wrong doings had malicious intentions? Have you heard of avolition? you should check it out, it's a schizophrenic symptom that is often mistaken for laziness.
And even if he were being that way...why couldn't you cut him a break until he receives SSA, even though you may not think it is as serious as a physical handicap, mental disorders VERY MUCH SO interfere with one's ability to hold a job. If you don't know what's it like to live in your son's shoes, you shouldn't be so fast to pass judgement on him.
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