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In shock - trigger
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bod27 posted:
[TRIGGER] safe lines la la la ---------------------------------------------lsdkhv[ -a0dfu' weh tusvys[e yqr qcu0d nghwutyq0[ef adivnokgowrt30r93-e11' 2ruieg[0YRW3O Q0FH Ie[f wo4ytg[sfhqk3jrwn4bfs;d sdgy4wrjwekbdjosgs 0dawrew----------------------------------------------think that should be enough

I think I am in shock. D and I went out to a pub last night and had a lovely time, went back to a friends house for more drinks and got home around 3.30am

all fine so far

I went to bed and d wanted more to drink so stayed up. He came to be and before I knew it he was shouting and screaming and saying he wanted to blow his brains out (he has a shotgun in the house cause he goes clay pigeon shooting). I tried to stop him - did hit him to try and make him snap out of it - but he ended up grabbing me round the throat and not letting go. he totally lost it and scared the hell out of me.

I can't feel anything at the moment - other than the pain in my throat when i swallow, breathe etc - all my feelings have shut down and I am scared when they come back on line I am going to lose it and do things I have been trying so so hard not to do.

d is currently on the phone to a helpline about his drinking which is good but I just needed to tell someone what has happened and I know you guys are all wonderful.

Thinking there may be bruising to come out yet and worried about how to deal with that as well.

worried about everything and need some support

(((((((((((((((hugs to all)))))))))))))))))
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washedaway responded:
I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but i do have a ton of (((((soft squishy hugs))))) to share
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
 
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slik_kitty responded:
wow, been there, done that with my ex. same thing, a drunken rage. is anger something he has issues with? because if he does, it isn't going to get any better and you are better off without him in your life. hugs
 
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dem24 responded:
that must have been real horrible to live though, i know the feeling i9 lived through it to. you must take the steps to keep your self safe and keep him away from you. i do not know how they do it over there but you cant let him near at least until he gets help. after my time with that i made a vow that i would get with any male that has those issues, you deserve better than that you worked to hard, as far as the emotional and medical issues go, should try to see your t and you see your doctor..with time it does get better you maybe you will to forgive, but not forget, do not let take you down let make you stonger
 
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ZeldaAlone responded:
Oh, Hans. ((((((((((((big, soft, safe hugs for you))))))))))))))))

I don't have any words right now, I'm sorry
 
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bod27 replied to ZeldaAlone's response:
Thanks for your words of support guys, really helped.

D didn't drink yesterday at all and is going to a help group this evening. He is also looking at getting other types of help so he has more skills to use.

staying put for the moment. Hope I don't regret this decision.
 
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dem24 replied to bod27's response:
KEEP YOUR DISTANCE,,, that is to soon. you both need time there guys that are serious about change and do but then there are ones that a good game. if i told you what my husband did to me you would see why i am making this point, but i got out and stayed out. please please be careful
 
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slik_kitty replied to dem24's response:
agree with dem. men who do that tend to do it again and it only escalates in violence. you're better off out of there until you are sure he is going to get the help he needs and stay with it. if you insist on staying, have your purse and car keys where you can easily grab them and run out the door. keep your cell phone with you at all times. stay safe. hugs
 
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dem24 replied to slik_kitty's response:
agree with silk kitty for all reasons she stated but if you choose to work things out with him make him jump through hoops to prove himself to you, one of the biggest patterns with men is thus. they will say they are sorry that wonr do it again i kove you and it happens again my husband choked me twice the one time my feet were not in the ground, i think everyone here would agree your a worth so much more,
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dem and others have given you some really great advice.

Understand that he now knows he can be violent when he drinks. This means that the next time he chooses to drink, he is giving himself permission to be violent again.

This kind of issue takes a lot of work to get through. Take steps to keep yourself safe in the meantime. You are not safe with him right now.

I'm so sorry, Bod. (((hugs))) Please look for support groups in your area to help you find the strength you need.
We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace. ~Peggy Tabor Millin
 
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snowyowl33 responded:
(((((((((((((Bod))))))))))

Look after YOU hon....stay safe ok?

Huge hugs
Snowy
 
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bod27 replied to snowyowl33's response:
[TRIGGER] Thank you all.

D and I talked lots last night. He went to an NA meeting last night and until he has something else in place is going to go every week. He has been told (by one of the helplines he has rung) that stopping drinking straight out is not going to be helpful so cutting down is the order of the day. He is now keeping a drinks diary.

He is doing a huge amount of thinking and exploring what else is on offer - anger management, counselling etc. We are going to look at some couples counselling as well.

I am not letting him off but I am willing to give him a chance to try and change. Last night when we were talking he said he has just realised that he is also a self harmer and is beginning to understand how hard it is for me to not sh.

I'm still running on autopilot and haven't reacted to what happened yet so not quite sure what will happen when it all comes out but am going to try and keep myself safe.

Thank you all once again. I hope I am doing the right thing
 
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slik_kitty replied to bod27's response:
[TRIGGER] wonder what the helpline is that told him that stopping drinking completely was not a good idea? an alcoholic can't have just one. an alcoholic cannot control their drinking. all it takes is one drink to set off a binge and the drunken rage that follows. i wonder how many helplines he had to call before he heard what he wanted to hear. if he is still drinking, you are still in danger. so make sure you have a quick exit and your cell phone on hand. i'm not speaking from hearsay, i'm speaking from experience.
 
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Headline replied to bod27's response:
[TRIGGER] I'm with the others, hon. You are not safe with him. If you're going to make the (in my opinion, unwise) decision to stay, then make sure you have a "go bag" packed and ready and hidden somewhere he won't find it, and get a plan in place for where you will go and who will be your support structure when you go.

Please make him earn your presence... or make it impossible for him to earn your presence. A man who abuses once will abuse again.

Seek help and support as you mourn the loss of the person you thought this "man" was.
Do you know, in 900 years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before. -- The Doctor (as written by Steven Moffat)
 
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bod27 replied to slik_kitty's response:
[TRIGGER] He rang the helpline a few weeks ago. They said because he has been drinking alot for so long it would be medically unwise to go cold turkey and to cut down before he stopped and that he shouldn't do it unsupervised. He told me about the conversations as soon as he rang and I have no reason not to doubt him on that.


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