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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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Trigger- Don't bother reading
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Off_The_Wall posted:
[TRIGGER] Trigger Below___________________________________________________
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I don't read/respond to any of yall's triggering threads anymore so please don't feel the need to read/respond to mine. I am just very triggered and am trying to keep my hands and mind busy while the world is spinning and my mind is screaming for me to s/h.

There is a song by Papa Roach that is EXTREMELY triggering. If any of yall listen to Papa Roach I am sure you know exactly which song I am referring to. Back when I wanted to be hurting myself I would sometimes play the same and cut while listening to it. I did some of my worst damage when listening to that song. Since then I have avoided this song and even my husband knows to change the radio station immediately if it comes on. Is it just that triggering to me.

I am friends with some former students on FB. One of them posted the lyrics to this song. Reading the lyrics was even worse than hearing them.

I am not sure I can resist. I keep trying to put a different song in my head but my mind just keeps coming back to these triggering lyrics.

I HATE this! I hate that I feel this way all the time. I want this to go away. I want to be the perfect mommy. I don't want to keep battling this. I want to give in. I want to cut and cut and cut until I satisfy the urge. But I won't because I want more to be a good mommy. My mind is a constant battle field and I'm winning the battle but I'm not sure I can win the war.
Reply
 
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poet69 responded:
I HATE this! I hate that I feel this way all the time. I want this to go away.--That's exactly how I feel. I also get what you mean by a certain song or songs triggering. I did my worst a couple of years ago while listening to Muse's Black Holes and Revelations. Now I can't hear any of the songs off that CD without being transported back to that night.

It seems to me you are ahead of the game-you want to cut, but you don't. I went only two days without cutting...and then I did. Keep up the good work and stay strong.
 
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washedaway responded:
Just want you to know you are heard and understood. Sending calming song banishing hugs ((((((OTW))))))

Thinking of you tonight.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
 
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snowyowl33 responded:
(((((((OTW))))))

Keep fighting your battle hon, things do get better and we're here for you and to help support you...

Big hugs
Snowy
 
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Off_The_Wall replied to snowyowl33's response:
I know I said no one needed to reply but thank yall for replying anyway. I just feel so guilty for not trying to help others right now. I want to, I really do, but I just think reading triggering threads might be more than I can handle right now. This is the first time in the past 18 years that I have gone without SH so it's all very new to me and pretty difficult. I hope one day to be able to respond and help others out again.

Trigger Below___________________________________________________-
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Got through last night without SHing. I told myself it would be best not to SH when my husband is home so I should go to bed and if I still feel triggered today then I can SH while the baby is napping and husband is at work. So here I am, feeling triggered though not as bad as last night. The thing is, I say I'm not SHing, but really what I mean is I haven't been cutting. I am still bruising my arms. Someone here told me to just take it one step at a time and that's what I've been doing. But having a mama who beats on herself is probably not any better than having one who cuts herself. Granted I don't do any of it in front of her but I don't want to be doing it at all. I just think it would break my heart if she were to ever hurt herself so I never want her to learn this coping mechanism.

Why is this so hard????? Do the voices in my head mean I'm crazy or is the voice in my head Satan tempting me?

((((Snowy, K, and Poet))))) Thank you for supporting me. I hope each of you have a good week. Stay strong, it's not easy.
 
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Catmagic replied to Off_The_Wall's response:
Chronic sleep deprivation lead to something termed "nightshift psychosis" its a real phenominum that occurs amoung night shift workers AND new mamas.

It can cause you to see/feel/hear stuff thats not there. It can be very frightneing and disorienting. Whats happening is your brain will get fatuiged and drift off into rem sleep mode while you are awake. You then get the dreamtime over lapping into reality and you experience stuff like your ghoast yesterday.

Its very unsettling.

I worked nights for 9 years. I grew to be familiar with that headspace. That experience came in handy while I nursed each of my kids 1 1/2 years and was again subjected to the NSP.

It will go away when you once again get back to a routine sleeping pattern.

You will get to sleep again. I promise. You are on the down hill slope to getting real sleep again!! The first 6 months are the most difficult and they are behind you now.

Hang in there B. You will get energy and the strength to fight the urges again in a few short months. Until them, keep doing what you are doing.

You are not crazy.

Peace be the journey

P
 
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Off_The_Wall replied to Catmagic's response:
[TRIGGER] P- That is interesting. Maybe you're right. It did almost have a nightmare type feel to it, though I know I wasn't sleeping. Of course, I've seen the ghost animal for years now so who knows. I hope you're right..... I am trying not to worry about it....

I do live in an old house on the ground where thousands of people were killed during the 1900 storm and burned where they were found..... so this island has a creepy past..... But my house has never seemed haunted before (other than my ghost pet). My neighbor has claimed for years that his house is haunted (I've never asked for details....)
 
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Off_The_Wall replied to Off_The_Wall's response:
THE ABOVE POST MIGHT BE TRIGGERING!!!!!!!!!!!!! SORRY!!!!!!!!!
 
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dem24 replied to Off_The_Wall's response:
you need to take care of your self
 
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Catmagic replied to Off_The_Wall's response:
************************* ************************ ****************** ***************************** ************************* *************

I grew up in an old maternity hospital....my mama would get woken up at night hearing babies crying, and find hers sound asleep.

its an interesting feild of study.

Have a few ghoast stories from working nighshift in the nursing home too.

My Gt-grandmother used to put out a bowl of water in the closet to, as she put it, make portals for the spirits to leave through. Always worked for her.

Me I like the presence of the unknown, helps explain why I am here.
 
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Off_The_Wall replied to Catmagic's response:
Possible Trigger__________________________________________________________________________
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I bet that was upsetting to your mom to hear those babies crying. :(

I would probably accidentally knock over the bowl of water on a daily basis. :) I'm not really okay living in their presence though..... freaks me out.


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