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Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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washedaway posted:
[TRIGGER]
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    I kinda want to kill myself tonight...going to go try to sleep instead...i want to take the bottle of aspirin that is in the other room...finish off the bottle of vodka that's in the fridge and slice the crap out of myself...have never done drugs...have never even had particularly strong pain killers...but i wish i had some right now...anything to take the edge off this feeling

    want to do something that's going to land me in the ER at the minimum

    prolly not going to do any of that...but the thought is there

    kendra
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
  • Reply
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    off_the_wall responded:
    I understand. I have had the exact same thoughts for the past 2-3 nights. Please continue to fight it. And yes, sleep is a good idea. If not, call for help or just go to the ER before doing any of it (I can dish out the advice but don't take my own advice).
     
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    off_the_wall replied to off_the_wall's response:
    I hope you were able to sleep and are okay. I also hope you will do what I am planning to do today and that is to tell your T exactly how bad things are right now so that he has a chance to help you. I'm terrified about it but I need help and I know no one can help me if I dont let them know what is going on. If you don't have an appointment then call and say, "I'm in crisis and HAVE to talk to you".
     
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    jankearney123 replied to off_the_wall's response:
    LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE TODAY OK
     
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    washedaway responded:
    I am ok today...at work...so can't be on long...just wanted to let everyone know that i'm still here
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    jankearney123 replied to washedaway's response:
    thats good
     
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    Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to washedaway's response:
    Thank you for letting us know, dear one. (((hugs))) I hope tonight is a better night for you.
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
     
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    washedaway replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
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    IAMNOTOKIAMNOTOKIAMNOTOKIAMNOTOK

    i lied...i'm sorry...i'm still here...i didn't do anything last night...but i am not ok today
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
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    washedaway replied to washedaway's response:
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    tempted to say screw it and just cut somewhere my mom won't see...but i know from experience that i won't get the same relief if i don't cut my wrist...or really say screw it and just cut my wrist anyway and hope she doesn't notice...or is too freaked out to confront me about it if she does notice

    i hate myself
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to washedaway's response:
    Hi Kendra,

    When it gets this difficult, please call a crisis line and let them help you through it and/or call your T.

    It's okay to need support. (((hugs))) Take control of it before it controls you. Your choice of self harm is potentially very dangerous.
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
     
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    washedaway replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
    I have an appointment w/ my T on Friday morning.

    I will make it until then...at least...i will make it until after vacation...at least...these are my goals right now



    It has been 7 weeks since i last cut

    I printed out my first post from this thread and gave it to my friend B today...so someone who sees me almost every day knows

    I still really want to hurt myself...but i'm so glad that B knows...even though i am SO ashamed of even having these thoughts...but he pushes me to not let SH be an option...i tried to bargain with him so that he would say it was ok to do it as long as it wasn't my wrist...and he stayed firm...

    If it gets to the point of SH or do something worse...i will SH...but until then, i'm going to let him push
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    washedaway replied to washedaway's response:
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    I'm trying to reach out to my in person support network...no one is answering my texts...afraid to call a crisis line...the one and only time i have ever called a crisis line i had the police come and take me to the ER...which I don't want right now...my t doesn't have his own crisis support...it's all the county crisis line

    really struggling...will probably be ok...just wish someone would respond

    have been realizing over the last few days that i essentially only have one person i actually see outside of work or church services...the two people i have talked to about my SH in the last couple of months I see at work and maybe text outside of work...but never see outside of work...feeling isolated and alone
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
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    Kate_Te replied to washedaway's response:
    Kendra -

    You are not alone!! You have the people here on this board who understand and love you! If it gets bad, call the national crisis line. Just reach out.

    I'm so proud of you for sharing with your friend B. I don't have that kind of courage. Remember it's not the # of friends you have but the quality of those relationships. As Dr. Suess says Those that Matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.
    (((k)))

    Kate
     
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    washedaway replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Thanks Kate...

    I almost didn't share w/ B I sent it to him and took it back twice before i just printed it and left it on his desk...

    I know everyone here is here for me...but i just want one person who i can look in the eye and know they care...not that i think it would help at this point cause i'm pretty sure i wouldn't believe them if they said they cared
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    off_the_wall replied to washedaway's response:
    B sure sounds like he cares to me. Just because he is busy and hasn't noticed your text doesn't mean he doesn't care. Maybe try calling him and see if that gets his attention. And like Kate said, I too was going to suggest calling the national helpline. I'm sorry I'm not more help.... struggling, struggling, struggling. Hang in there.


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