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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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washedaway posted:
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    I slipped today...said something i hadn't really intended to say...but apparently i did...cause i said it

    was talking to B about my appointment tomorrow...how i have a feeling that last week was a fluke...that things are now going to get worse before they get better...which i know is coming...

    So...we were talking about that...and how it's really ultimately worth it even though it sucks for a while...and here's what i said

    I know that it will eventually get better with work...and i'm ready to be done feeling like this...but if i just gave up the feeling will go away, too

    he made the point that if i give up...the guilt and the shame will just flood back in...to which i responded...

    depends on how much i give up...cause i may not feel anything at all

    I gave him my post from earlier this week...but it wasn't as definitive...or as spontaneous as that one statement...and i think that one statement freaked him out more than anything else i've told him...i didn't want to do that...and i've really honestly been trying not to go there with him...cause no one needs that kind of think hanging over their heads...but now it's out there...and i can't take it back...and it doesn't make it any less true

    i know i should tell my t this...but i probably won't...i will probably put on my "everything is ok" face...i will talk about some other things that need to be talked about...but not about this

    before i left work today...i promised him that i wouldn't sh tonight...or anything worse...

    If anyone has made it this far...thank you...
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
  • Reply
     
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    jankearney123 responded:
    I made it this far..................on your post and in my own life.

    Funny thing happend,............i didn't use to open up to my first t and it took a good year to get her to get me to open up.

    I was very dilusional and phychotic and they were messing with my meds so i was very messed up.

    Life is precious don't waste your time by not using it to benefit you and so therefore tell the t what needs to be told.

    Your only hiding from yourself. You're going to have to face yourself sooner or later. and if your in a safe place now its going to benefit you so much to do this in this safe place NOW.

    Take care and be gentle with yourself.
     
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    off_the_wall responded:
    I wish I had some good advice K, but your situation is so identical to what I'm also going through right now that I find it pretty triggering. So all I really have to say is that I can completely relate. I could tell you to be honest with your T about things but I'm not sure I'll do the same so I don't want to be hypocritical. I'm glad you are at least being honest with your friend, even if it is painful for him to hear. Unfortunately he isn't trained to be able to help you so telling him isn't going to have the same results as discussing this with your T. Hang in there.
     
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    washedaway responded:
    ((((((((((thanks Fran and OTW))))))))))))))

    possible trigger below

    I talked to B before my appointment this morning...and he convinced me to write something in case i couldn't say anything to my T...so i did...i asked B to read it before i went...and i spent the entire time in the waiting room texting him trying to get him to say i didn't have to give it to my t...but he told me that i just needed to hand it over...

    i wasn't sure if i could...but i did...i took the note out of my purse in the waiting room...managed to say that i wasn't doing well...and then i clammed up...so i handed him the note...i just couldn't say i was ok any more...

    i had a long talk w/ B after i got back to work...cause nothing is better yet...just more people know...

    Found out that B's little brother attempted suicide once...failed...thankfully...but he's not willing to let me not deal with it...or to drop it if i tell him i'm not actually going to do it...cause that's what his brother said...until the day he tried...

    feel like crap for saying anything...bringing that up for hime...but glad to have someone in person who actually cares and isn't afraid to say so

    want to hurt myself...have a "goal" to do nothing until after my vacation next week...
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    off_the_wall replied to washedaway's response:
    Good job on letting your T know what is going on. I'm very glad you have B, he sounds like a great friend to have.
     
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    washedaway replied to off_the_wall's response:
    He is...but i think i pissed him off today

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    Trigger
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    having a really crappy day today...don't know how to say that to people not on this board. how do you say to a friend...i want to kill myself...but i don't really, i want to hurt myself and not be here anymore...no one gets it...so i say other stupid crap...i ask for "permission" to hurt myself...cause i can't just come out and say "i need someone to care about me." when i ask permission to hurt myself and B says no...it's sometimes enough...it's like proof that someone cares...and i pushed it too far today...

    of course this is all via text...cause even that i can't actually say...i don't communicate worth crap in person...so...i tried to explain this to him, and he hasn't responded and i know it's st Patrick's day and he's probably out having a good time and not paying attention to his phone...but it still hurts.

    I also know this is all hitting close to home for him...and i want to stop telling him stuff...cause i know he doesn't really want to hear it...he's just willing to cause i need to talk...

    so...all that to say...i'm a freak and all i do is alienate my "friends" and i want to seriously hurt myself...
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    jankearney123 replied to washedaway's response:
    we can make a lot of assumptions and we don't really know what is going on until we ask now CAN WE???????????????????
    ME INCLUDED IN THAT ???????????

    One of the very big things I learnt early on but have forgtotten from time to time so thank you is that you don't know anything until you check itout. you may have suspisions and hunches and its always good to listen to our gut like in a dangerous situation but you shuld ask. thanks. huggs
     
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    off_the_wall replied to washedaway's response:
    You're not a freak, you're just someone who is hurting and struggling right now. Did B ever get back to you? Try not to be too quick to judge his intentions. I know I do that all the time too, the second my husband doesn't respond to me I think, "He's mad at me, he's sick of dealing with me, he's spending his time doing something that clearly matters more to him than I do..." And that is almost never the case.
     
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    washedaway replied to off_the_wall's response:
    I texted him again this morning just to see if he was mad at me...he says he isn't...so i'm trying to believe that

    2 friends who i have totally pulled away from recently came up to me in church today and said they were worried about me...they asked me to do dinner tomorrow...so i'll do that and see where that goes...spent almost the whole service in tears this morning...

    feeling like crap
    Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
    It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
     
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    jankearney123 replied to washedaway's response:
    know its really hard but just try to sit with the feelings letting them be what they want to be because they want toi be heard. don't judge your feelings and don't judge them. easier said then done.

    i'm so sorry you're feeling like crap. i know those kind of feelings o so well. feeling so mudch better than crap thO!

    if you're having a decent spring day go out and be in the springiny way of life for a few mins. couldn help you feel better.


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