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    Newbie here- It's baaaaack
    rugger1369 posted:
    I just came across this discussion board as I was reading some of the articles WebMD has to offer about self-harm. Most have a focus on adolescents, which makes it hard to relate to now. If I read them as a teen I might have come to solution by better understanding why I was/am doing this. I haven't done anything harmful since around 2008/9 and a few months ago had one incident and then again last night. Got into an argument of sorts over the phone and I have a terrible time communicating my feelings. It's almost as if my jaw locks up. In doing so, I have developed a new way of creating harm. I am running on 2.5hrs of sleep and simply drained. I want to curl up in a ball and cry all day. But alas, I am at work (ssshhhh). Something is wrong, I haven't been my spunky self in a few months now and it is taking a toll on my relationship with my bf of 2years. He is unaware of the episodes. I read that it could be signs of a borderline disorder and bipolar (along with others) but those two run in my family. I am scared and afraid that I am pushing him away, well he told me he feels that way. And that there is something wrong that I can't control and this is not a solution. I don't know where to turn, in my family, (just as the article illustrated) you don't share your feelings. You should be able to deal. And right now I am failing at it...any guidance would be very appreciated
    Kate_Te responded:
    Hi Rugger1369-

    First of all, Welcome.

    You don't say if you are in therapy at all. I would highly recommend you finding a therapist to speak with. Maybe even a Psychiatrist so you can have a proper diagnosis. Before you diagnose yourself, let a professional do it.

    I think most everyone on this board has some diagnosis: bi-polar, borderline, PTSD, depression or anxiety. We don't hurt ourselves unless something is wrong. Get a diagnosis so you know how to proceed (meds, therapy, etc.) and keep posting here, if you identify with what is said here.

    I understand about your family. Mine is the same way. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps type of people. It's hard to really get them to understand.

    I hope your day gets better.

    off_the_wall replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Welcome Rugger! I agree with Kate, it would be best for you to see a doctor who can give you a correct diagnosis. I know I have BPD (among other things) and for me it doesn't come and go as you have described. You never know, not feeling like your normal spunky self could be due to a lot of different things like the lack of sleep you are experiencing, a thyroid problem, depression, or who knows besides a doctor.... And a therapist can help you learn better ways to deal with things besides SH. Good luck!
    rugger1369 replied to off_the_wall's response:
    Thanks Kate and OTW for the reassurance. I have been thinking about talking with my doctor about reccomendations for therapy and I definitley think after last night it is a must. I have fooled myself into thinking I left behind me in high school. Posting here is such a relief. ((hugs))

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