Well...I'm not sure if this is a trigger or not but I need to say something. My wonderful mother passed away a couple of years ago (10/25/2009). She was my best friend. She was in the hospital in a vegitative state for 5 weeks post surgery (actually...post surgical error). We (my brother and I) had to make the decision to withdraw life support. Actually...although I'm the youngest...I made the decision. Anyway...I know this is depressing...but since her death I cannot celebrate either Mother's Day or Halloween (which was her birthday). I've always let my boys to visit their grandma and enjoy that big family dinner while I sat home in my pj's. I actually did something today. My dear wonderful sweet boyfriend took me to a beautiful (and pricey) Mother's Day brunch buffet with his family. It was wonderful. My stomach still hurts from the food. Now I'm home...in my pj's...my boys aren't here...and my heart hurts so badly. I feel like I almost betrayed the memory of my amazing mother by celebrating with somebody elses family. I just miss her so much. I hurt! I hurt! I hurt! I'm balling like a big baby and I want to cut so badly. I'm 36 years old and I just want my mommy.
Sorry ladies...no response needed. I just needed to get that out there. I can talk to my brother about hurting...but he doesn't know about the SH. My boyfriend knows about the SH...but he did so much to insure that I finally had a good day that I don't have the heart to let him know how upset I am.
B - Your mom was your best friend, just like mine was my best friend. We don't betray their memories by celebrating Mother's Day. Your mom would want you to enjoy yourself. Did you think of her today? (I know you did), then you didn't betray her memory, you honored her by enjoying yourself on you & your mother's day. The day is for all mother's, yourself included. If you actually enjoyed yourself today and at some point thought of her, you honor her. Kate
It's now the next day and I hope you're feeling better, dear one.
Why wouldn't you want your mommy? I'm so sorry for your loss and you did not in any way dishonor her memory by enjoying the day with another family. Your mother loves you and all she wants is for you to be as kind to yourself as you were to her.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
Well, my wonderful & sweet boyfriend showed up at my house unannounced right after I posted last night. He lost his father to suicide in 2006 and so he (sadly) understands what I'm going through. He goes through it on Father's Day every year. I'm just accepting that it's always going to hurt...and I shouldn't expect it not to. Thank you so much for your kind words Kate & Caprice.
B I hope tonight and tomorrow you start feeling better and better. I've been missing my mom too. It's just plain hard missing our loved ones. My sis's birthday was may 11 and you B don't know but she committed suicide about 6 years ago this oct.
I guess life is just hard sometimes. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you start healing soon. It just takes time but relish in the great memories.
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