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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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I do exist. (TRIGGERY)
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lovely_lemon_tree posted:

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It's not for no reason that I've particularly stayed away from here for a while. And it's not for no reason that I've put money symbols in the trigger space.

I hate money. It's a tool of the devil. What I really hate, above and beyond other things, is how much I am a slave to money. My disability payment(s) were supposed to come in yesterday and they haven't. I don't have it going to my bank account via direct deposit because I'm so overdrawn, the money will simply be devoured and then it snowballs into the same situation all over again. I've decided to work exclusively in cash and money orders -- hell with overdrafts. In the meantime, I'm waiting for the mail, pulling out my hair for hours upon hours because I'm so upset. I'm ready to start slicing. I don't give a flying hoot anymore. It's been almost three months since I cut -- March 8th was the last time -- but I'm at the end of my rope here.

I AM ANGRY. I am so angry. People don't understand that I really do care for them and want them to continue to "do the right thing" but they just blow it off. I don't know how people can simply disregard others and themselves.

And the real kicker of it is that I realize what I just said is an incredible double standard. I am angry at others for not doing what's best for them and others, yet I'm considering serious, serious damage to myself. I realize it. I know it. I know I'm not exactly a "role model" but GRAAAAARRRRHHH!!

Apologies for dumping this on people when I haven't been around otherwise. Fran and I keep in touch but that's about all.

I just can't "sit with my discomfort" anymore. I'm sorry.

No, I'm not sorry. I'm just not going to sit with my discomfort anymore. I take responsibility for my actions and my choice. The volcano may blow, but no one else will take the blow for me, because I've made sure of it.
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:I do exist. (TRIGGERY)<br />$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$<br />$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4<br />$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4<br />$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4<br /><br /><br />It's not for no reason that I've particularly stayed away from here for a while. And it's not for no reason that I've put money symbols in the trigger space. <br /><br />I hate money. It's a tool of the devil. What I really hate, above and beyond other things, is how much I am a <i>slave to</i> money. My disability payment(s) were supposed to come in yesterday and they haven't. I don't have it going to my bank account via direct deposit because I'm so overdrawn, the money will simply be devoured and then it snowballs into the same situation all over again. I've decided to work exclusively in cash and money orders -- hell with overdrafts. In the meantime, I'm waiting for the mail, pulling out my hair for hours upon hours because I'm so upset. I'm ready to start slicing. I don't give a flying hoot anymore. It's been almost three months since I cut -- March 8th was the last time -- but I'm at the end of my rope here. <br /><br />I AM ANGRY. I am so angry. People don't understand that I really do care for them and want them to continue to "do the right thing" but they just blow it off. I don't know how people can simply disregard others and themselves. <br /><br />And the real kicker of it is that I realize what I just said is an incredible double standard. I am angry at others for not doing what's best for them and others, yet I'm considering serious, serious damage to myself. I realize it. I know it. I know I'm not exactly a "role model" but GRAAAAARRRRHHH!! <br /><br />Apologies for dumping this on people when I haven't been around otherwise. Fran and I keep in touch but that's about all. <br /><br />I just can't "sit with my discomfort" anymore. I'm sorry. <br /><br />No, I'm not sorry. I'm just not going to sit with my discomfort anymore. I take responsibility for my actions and my choice. The volcano may blow, but no one else will take the blow for me, because I've made sure of it.
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jankearney123 responded:
understand where you're coming from. we made a bunch of money but all of these huge unexpected expenses came up so not much better off than we were.
i'm in the same place you are and i wish i knew what to tell us to stop the syndrome. but i don't. but i do wish you peace
Report This| Share this:I do exist. (TRIGGERY)<i>understand where you're coming from. we made a bunch of money but all of these huge unexpected expenses came up so not much better off than we were.<br />i'm in the same place you are and i wish i knew what to tell us to stop the syndrome. but i don't. but i do wish you peace</i>
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SoCalMSG responded:
hi lemon tree, i know we dont know eachother, but i just wanted to say you are definately not alone out there. it absolutely broke my heart to hear that your pulled out your hair. during a very, very dark time in my life (four years of domestic violence), pulling out my hair was one of a couple ways i self injured. it is an awful thing to do. i feel weird conveying this to you since we dont know eachother, but after reading your post, i just felt a stirring in my heart to reach out to you. you made it three months without self injuring and i hope this time you can make it many more months. do you have someone close to you who you can call when you feel an insatiable urge to pull your hair or slice? i have found that to be a helpful coping tool. since surviving domestic violence (i got out in 2003), i never EVER destroy my hair anymore, but in recent years have fallen prey to the desire to slice my skin when i am distraught....hence the reason i joined this community.

real quick before i go, and NOT that this is funny in any way shape or form, but i did chuckle a little bit when i read what your wrote about wanting the best for others when in fact you are actually hurting yourself - bc i am the same way! i want the very best for others in my life and i want them to want the best for themselves, too. however, i realize that i dont always feel that way about myself or for myself. thank you for reading my comments. : )
Report This| Share this:I do exist. (TRIGGERY)hi lemon tree, i know we dont know eachother, but i just wanted to say you are definately not alone out there. it absolutely broke my heart to hear that your pulled out your hair. during a very, very dark time in my life (four years of domestic violence), pulling out my hair was one of a couple ways i self injured. it is an awful thing to do. i feel weird conveying this to you since we dont know eachother, but after reading your post, i just felt a stirring in my heart to reach out to you. you made it three months without self injuring and i hope this time you can make it many more months. do you have someone close to you who you can call when you feel an insatiable urge to pull your hair or slice? i have found that to be a helpful coping tool. since surviving domestic violence (i got out in 2003), i never EVER destroy my hair anymore, but in recent years have fallen prey to the desire to slice my skin when i am distraught....hence the reason i joined this community. <br /> <br />real quick before i go, and NOT that this is funny in any way shape or form, but i did chuckle a little bit when i read what your wrote about wanting the best for others when in fact you are actually hurting yourself - bc i am the same way! i want the very best for others in my life and i want them to want the best for themselves, too. however, i realize that i dont always feel that way about myself or for myself. thank you for reading my comments. : )
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Off_The_Wall responded:
Hi LLT, I've been wondering how you've been. I'm really sorry you are struggling. I hate money too (or lack there of) and also find it very triggering. I wish I had words of comfort or advice but I just wanted you to know that I hear you.
Report This| Share this:I do exist. (TRIGGERY)Hi LLT, I've been wondering how you've been. I'm really sorry you are struggling. I hate money too (or lack there of) and also find it very triggering. I wish I had words of comfort or advice but I just wanted you to know that I hear you.
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