I know I will be ok in a few days...but right now i am having a really hard time.
i want to hurt myself, but i don't...i want to go do something stupid and put myself in a position to let someone else hurt me. i can't tell this to anyone...it's stupid...i don't really understand it...i just know that right now, that i want to be hurt badly in multiple ways by someone other than me.
i know that this is not necessarily uncommon for SA survivors...but it still is totally illogical and makes me feel incredibly stupid...which just triggers me more
feel like i'm sitting alone in the dark...i know that the light will be back eventually...but for now i just hate myself
if anyone is out there...thanks for hearing me
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
hi washedaway, just read your post and wanted to leave a message for you. i was touched by the last words in your post. i am commenting here to let you know that there ARE people out there that care. i am "out here" and i do hear you. as i have mentioned to other people in this community, i feel kind of strange communicating with people who i dont know and who dont know me, but in a way i find it helpful to reach out to people who are also struggling and have them reach out to me, too. i am not sure what an SA survivor is. please let me know. i am familiar with the desire to self injury and i want to commend you for being strong and refusing to take action on the desire to self harm even when you are at a low point emotionally. please hang in there. i want you to pull through.
I know that you posted this a couple of days ago...but I've been off of the board for a week or so. I've had some healing to do. All I can say is that nothing you said is 'stupid'. I've been there...and I know exactly how you feel. I did not experience SA as a child...but I experienced an extremely violent assault as a teenager. Sorry...that may be a trigger. I just want you to know that more than one of us here know what you mean and how you feel. It makes sense to us. I hope that you are feeling stronger and keeping yourself safe.
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