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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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Venting Trigger
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ffltat posted:
[TRIGGER] Trigger. I don't know but I guess it could be......
Venting.......or just going on a rant......

I have spent the last two days driving around because I do not want to be at home. But now here I am alone.....that is part of the problem...Just feel like I am always alone, even in a group of people...

I went to a Nar-Anon meeting yesterday...I had a hard time listening to the speakers. I just kept thinking about cutting. I wanted to speak up and say something but I have tried that with other groups and just is not a good thing...so I sit and feel alone.

I want so much to be able to sit in a room with people like all of you that I can talk to and know they will understand. but the only groups in existance are the ones here online. and that makes me sad because I could really use some help. A hug. Some one to say I understand and it will be alright.

Everyday I fight to keep from cutting. Everyday I struggle with the depression. Everyday I wake up and just try to get through the day. Some days I wonder why I even try. I hate my life. I hate my job. Or should I say I hate where I am employed.

My boss gets drunk everyday and sometimes it startes at work. My husband would prefure getting high then talking to me. It is ok for them....So why can't I use my addiction to escape?

I tried to get drunk the other day...What a joke..the achole made me sick. I did not even get a buzz...Thank you meds...I hate having to take all of the meds everyday...In the morning eight pills..at lunch one pill...at bed time eight more pills...sometimes I wonder how many of the I could take to just sleep and not wake up.......

My tdoc wants me to do something for myself everyday...I keep thinking like what...take a walk??? Color??? get a pedicor?? what can I do for myself that will help me be happy or satisfied??? What will help me want to keep going???

What can I change in my life to make it better??? all of these questions but no body can answer them but me..and I am just having a real hard time coming up with the answers.....

The fewer answers I come up with the more depressed I get...the angrier I get the more I want to cut...cut my wrist...cut my neck...just cut away the pain.....

What does it matter anyway??? whether I am happy or sad...Alive or dead??? what does it matter??? in 50 or 100 years no one will even remember my name or that I was here....so it does not matter......


so why do I keep on trying so hard?
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
Reply
 
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jankearney123 responded:
keep trying! over and over and over ok.

there are people in our lives who care about us right?
everyone has people who would be imapcted by us if we werenr't hear

i'm sorry you're feeling the way you feel. i'm rather in a rough spot too but try to do one good thing for yourself. maybe instead of all the things that you mentioned go to a playground and swing or watch the little kids play and see how much fun they have
 
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Kate_Te replied to jankearney123's response:
I hear you and I understand. (((((Cyber Hug))))) Those sound like three excellent suggestions of things to do (coloring, taking a walk and getting a pedicure). When you run out of ideas, go here http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/er_handout_8.html

It is a list of adult pleasurable activities (not that kind of adult, lol). Hang in there. Like you said we all here understand & you don't need to hold back anything on this board.

Stay Safe.

Kate_Te
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Ffltat,

It's now a few hours later... how are you doing? I hope the other responses were helpful to you.

I'm glad you posted here but if you need to hear someone's voice too in order to keep yourself safe, please call a crisis line .

Regarding the meds, there are so many conditions which require regular medication in order to keep our heads above water. This isn't any different.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Keep reaching out whenever and wherever you can.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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ffltat replied to jankearney123's response:
Thank you for your support. I know that is really hard to sound positive and supportive when you are in a bad spot to. You have a lot of strength.

I will continue to try. It just keeps getting harder and harder.

I do like your suggestion about going to a play ground...Playing in the sand...go to the beach and make a sand castle...You just started me thinking thank you.
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
 
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ffltat replied to Kate_Te's response:
I needed a hug. Thank you. I know this is the one place that I can come to and say what ever I am feeling. No one will freak out. No one will over react. Just loving acceptance and understanding that some times it just gets really hard to cope.

Thank you for the list. I have down loaded it and will try to do some of them. I am sure that in reading them I will come up with other ideas to.
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
 
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ffltat replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Today is a new day...I am at work right now...I may not like where I work right now but I am so glad to be working. I would be so much worse if I was at home staring at the four walls. So it is a blessing also.

I know that I need the meds. I am bi-polar. I remember how bad the depression was before the meds. I spent a week and half in the hospital because I was not on meds. It was just what I needed at the time but really do not want to do it again.

Am I better today?...I am working. I will put myself aside and focus on my job...Temporary relief...Honestly, I am depressed...Angry...Sad...Hopeless....I know something needs to change...I know that it needs to be me...My tdoc keeps pushing me to recognize and change my patterns. Just reaching out for me is a change...The rest is just really scary stuff. but I can not keep going the way I am or I will end up in the hospital again. It has already gone far enough that my tdoc has reported my behavior to the pdoc. And tdoc is talking about hospital again. Only a matter of time that pdoc agrees with him.

Something has got to change. I've got to change. It's just really scary.
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to ffltat's response:
I'm glad you reached out, dear one.

And I'm with you... sometimes work can help pull us through the day. (((softhugs)))
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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rugger1369 responded:
I'm glad you atleast found this group. which is a great start in opening up. You are doing great by continuing to find comfort. stay strong

((BIG HUG))


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