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Being a mama and a self injurer
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DOGDANCING_TCOS posted:
.* sets down soapbox and climbs on it*
Its quite possible to be both and raise healthy kids.

DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

I have 7 kids. The older 3 are grown and lived with me while I was actively injuring. The saw old scars, they saw new injuries. They were raised by me pre-therapy, during therapy, and post therapy.

There the ones I tested my SIV book on.

So they saw my scars. Big whoop. Seeing my scars didn't scar them, didn't damage them.

AND they saw my wounds. Big whoop. Seeing my wounds didn't scar them, didn't damage them. Didn't make them become self injurers.

My kids were/are being raised in an environment TOTALLY different then the one I grew up in that lead to me learning SIV as a coping skill.

Do I worry that my kids will ever SI?

Of course. But I don't see it as there destiny. We keep the lines of communication open at my house. I know what to look for.

Have my kids SI? yes and I don't shy away from it, its my job as there parent to help them develop healthy coping skills. I have even been asked to help other parents with there kids.

Being a self injurer doesn't make you too damaged to parent.

Now go out there and relax and enjoy your kids. We are all being the best mamas we can be.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
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socalmsg responded:
hi dog dancing, b.t.w, i like your name : ) i have a doggie whom i love and care for with all my heart and when i read your name i try to picture her dancing while standing on her two back legs , that would be so adorable. : ) anyway, i read your post and was able to appreciate it despite the fact that i am not a parent to human children. i often refer to my dog, bailey, as my doggie daughter. anyway, in my opinion you came through as a really strong and very caring mom in your last post. i was happy for that. i also was appreciative of your comment "being a self injurer doesnt make you too damaged to parent". that was an awesome statement. hope you have a great rest of the weekend. sincerely, SoCalMSG
 
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rugger1369 responded:
"being a self injurer doesnt make you too damaged to parent". that also stuck with me, thank you. I am not a parent yet, but plan to be someday. And battling SI def has me worried about being parent (among other things of course!). Thanks for sharing your perspective!
 
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ffltat responded:
Your Post hit me hard....I feel so much guilt....I can't write this with out crying.

I started cutting 3 years ago. But I have been harming myself in otherways that do not leave marks for as long as I can remember.

When my daughter came home from collage that year I wanted to be honest with her as I am with my husband. No hiding, no lying. So I told her. She was very calm.

The next day is when I found out that she had been cutting for eight years. I never saw it. My heart brakes knowing she was alone and in pain for so long.
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
 
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ffltat responded:
Leaving space
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
 
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DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to ffltat's response:
First rule of saving drowning victims? Don't attempt a rescue if you are in the water drowning next to them.

How could you have seen it in her when you were still hiding it from yourself?

The difference with my kids was I talked about it. It wasn't a hidden subject....which is why I wrote the book to help parents talk to their kids about it.

Its a tough subject. Even tougher to teach about it when you yourself don't even understand why you do it.

Kids self injure. kids stumble upon the negative coping skill and learn to use it.

Just because their parents SI doesn't mean that their kids will SI.

Parents don't teach the skill to their kids.

and if they do...that is a different matter.

Did you teach your daughter to be a cutter? Nope.

Let yourself off the hook ffltat.

You are doing the right thing. You got control of your SI and are working on healing and getting healthy. You opened up to her and found what all parents fear, that she is not immune from pain and lives stresses.

So know what?

You both work on healing journeys.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
 
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iwanttostop responded:
you are so right.. i have been self injuring since i was very young, although i don't openly talk about it with my 3 grown daughters they are aware of some of my past struggles. my girls are all doing well for themselves, they all have kids who i see daily, i have messed up most of the things i have done in life, but i have a good strong relationship with my girls and husband. inspite of my siv and depression i have insight that i have been able to share with them that has made them stronger smarter and safer.
 
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jankearney123 replied to iwanttostop's response:
yes me too iwantotstop. My kids know of my struggles but yet i managed mostly by myself until teen years to raise them.
paja is so right we must work on healing journeys!
 
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off_the_wall responded:
Thank you so much Paja. I needed to hear this. I feel like all I've been hearing lately from those around me is, "You need to change for your kids." And in my head I add on things like, "And if you don't you don't love them enough, you are a failure, a bad mother, and they'd be better off without you." Your post hit so close to home it feels like you wrote it just for me. Thank you!
 
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DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to off_the_wall's response:
(confessional whisper)


that's because I did.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
 
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off_the_wall replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
I'm in tears but happy/grateful ones. Thank you, you have no idea what it means to me and I know it helped others to read too.


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