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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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trigger - again
washedaway posted:
It is super warm here today...what a difference from the thunder storms and torrential rain of yesterday. I think I prefer the thunder weather and I don't mix well.

trigger below-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am very intentionally staying away from my bedroom right now where the utility knife i bought in january is. it's "hidden"...the only problem with hiding things from that you always know where they actually are. i just went on a 1.5 hour walk...about the last 20 minutes of it i couldn't stop thinking about getting home and pulling out the utility knife and going to town. the only problem is that i have to teach sunday school in the morning and with it being so warm here right now i can't get away with wearing long sleeves. i suppose i could cut somewhere other than my wrist...but what's the point? i have another 3 weeks until i see my t again...and by the time i see him i'll probably just tell him i've been doing ok. i know i need to tell him the truth...tell him that i am feeling like hurting myself all the time...tell him that i'm back to feeling like my dad molesting me was all my fault (no idea why that's back...)...tell him that i want to put myself in dangerous situations...tell him that i'm restricting food intake (still doing this...but being more careful about it...i don't want to screw up my diabetes, i just want to be able to control something in my life...) but i probably won't tell him...cause like everyone else, i don't want to make him worry. the stupid thing is that i don't think anyone cares about me, but why would they worry if they didn't if they don't care i shouldn't care about making them worry, right? but i i don't open up to anyone and i wind up sitting and wallowing in my self-hatred assuming everyone else feels the same way about me that i do.

i don't know what my issue is right now...but it sure as heck sucks.

sorry for the rant
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
I hear you. Can't offer any help right now, but I hear you.

* * * * *TRIGGER * * * **
weirdly warm summer nights trigger me too, because that type of weather feels like being smothered by a grown up body, sticky and uncomfortable.

I end taking lots of showers to keep my skin cool. That helps a lot. with getting SA triggers/flashbacks during the summer.

The wanting to put yourself in rape situations is part of that too. I tend to have more rape fantasies during the summer to deal with the anxiety. The "well lets just get it over with"
cause my body is sensing it's going to happen.

and when it doesn't happen, its leaves me in a weird limbo of then wanting it.

totally off topic, do you like pancakes? do you cook? cause I have a recipe for molasses pancakes that do not spike you BS and are really tasty.

Well I an off to bed, the heat is just making me a limp dish rag today....uugh.


and a pat for Mr E too.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
washedaway replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
thank you Paja, for hearing me and for your words...

you say you can't offer help, but what you said did help. it helped me to put into perspective what i am feeling...gave me a viable reason for what i am experiencing right thank you...and thank you for remembering Mr E

i like pancakes ok...and i do cook sometimes...not as often as i should, even when i am eating more, but i do cook
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz
DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to washedaway's response:
I am glad you found something in there to help you.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.

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