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I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT TRIG AGAIN
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jankearney123 posted:
[TRIGGER] 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
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BLAST OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
IS ANYONE REALLY ENJOYING THESE OPENING CEREMONIES OF THE OLUMPICS? THE HOSPITAL PART IS GETTING GOOD JUST WHEN I'M WRITTING.

SUNDAY I WROTE A TEXT TO MY SON AND SAID I REALLY CAN'T TEXT WHICH I CAN'T. I HAVE TO USE THE MICROPHONE. AND THEN ITS REALLY HARD TO CORRECT ERRORS AND FRUSTRATES ME. THEN I CALLED HIM AND SAID ITS HARD FOR ME TO COMMUNICATE THAT WAY. AND I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.

HE TOLD ME HE'S REALLY BUSY. OF COURSE I SEE HIM HAVING THESE HUGE WEEKENDS ON FB.
HE CALLED ME MONDAY AND I COULDN'T TALK BECAUSE OF MY LARYNGITIS. TODAY I'VE BEEN SICKER AGAIN BUT MY VOICE IS BETTER SO I CALLED HIM. HE GLOATED ALL ABOUT HIMSELF WHICH WAS FINE. I'M GLAD HE TOOK A STAND AND I THINKS ITS GREAT THAT HE'S NOT GOING TO BE A LIAR TO BE A SALESMAN.

HE DIDN'T ASK HOW I WAS AT ALL. I JUST VOLUNTEERED. I TALKED TO HIM FOR MAYBE 10 MINS. AND HE SAID WELL TELL DAD HI IM AT WORK I GOTTA GO. CLICK!

MY T DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME OF DAY FOR ME TODAY EITHER.

SINCE I'VE BEEN A YOUNG CHILD I'VE FEARED THE TOTAL RAPE (CLOSE CALLS FOR ME 3 TIMES) AND DEATH OF ME BY A MAN AND NOW I DON'T GIVE A RATS.............

I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMA AND I FIGURE AS MY SON IS ACTING THAT HE WON'T LET ME BE AROUND BABY EITHER!
HE'S IN FOR SUCH A RUDE AWAKENING! PAY BACK TIME!

I FEEL THAT THE CLOSENESS I ONCE HAD TO HIM WILL NEVER BE AGAIN. ALL I WANT TO DO IS CUT. I'VE DONE IT BEFORE BUT MOSTLY I'VE BURNED 2N D DEGREE ONCE A SMALL AREA 3RD.
BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR A SKIN GRAFF.

ITS SUCH A DEBATE...........BEEN FOR A WEEK THINKING UNDER MY UPPER ARM BUT MONDAY GOING TO FAT DOC AND SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY IF I CAN HAVE SURGERY. PROB NOT.
HATE SELF MORE. THAT D I L OF MINE CERTAINLY HAS TURNED MY SON AGAINST ME. 100%. I'M NOT CONTACTING HIM I GUESS.
I TRIED TO ASK ABOUT THE BABY AND STUFF AND AS SOON AS I GOT PERSONAL HE HAD TO GO. I GUESS I WON'T BE INCLUDED.

I THINK MY DIL WOULD LIKE IT BETTER IF I DIDN'T COME TO THE BABY SHOWER CUZ SHE HATES ME SO MUCH. SO??????????

THE THING IS BECAUSE OF MEDS AND CHRONIC PAIN I DON'T THINK I'LL BE HAVING MUCH OF A LIFE IN THE FUTURE. AND O DON'T FORGET I'M A BUBBLE OFF. I GUESS THIS IS A COMMON THING. EVEN THO THERE WERE TIMES THAT I HAD TO CUT AWAY FOR MY MOM FOR A FEW DAYS OR A COUPLE TIMES A COUPLE WEEKS AT A TIME.........I WAS 95% OF THE TIME THERE FOR HER MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD AND ADULTHOOD.

I GUESS MY SON FEELS HE HAD REALLY CRAPPY PARENTS. GOD I WORKED MY BEHIND OFF TRYING TO GET HIM ALL THE HELP I COULD GET HIM. WHAT'S THE POINT LIFE IS A STRUGGLE FOR ME SINCE I WAS A CHILD! I'M SUPPOSE TO THINK FOR A FULL MIN. WHAT I'M GRATEFUL FOR SO IT WILL GROUND ME.
DID IT. NOW WHAT ...................WELL CAN'T PUT IT OFF ANYMORE ITS JUST A MATTER OF WHERE ON MY BODY! NOT A LOT OF SATISFACTION IN THE LEG BELLY..............NOW I KNOW I NEED TO LEAVE MY SON A LONE TOTALLY

SORRY I WROTE SO LONG
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Kate_Te responded:
Fran
I'm sorry you are suffering.
(((((((((((Fran)))))))))))))
 
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off_the_wall responded:
I'm really sorry that your son and his wife are so rude and inconsiderate to you. Of course you know you can't change them, all you can do is change how you react to them. But it's perfectly understandable to feel hurt by the way they treat you. (((Fran)))
 
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slik_kitty responded:
time to just let him go. in time he will see that he is wrong. hugs
 
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jankearney123 replied to slik_kitty's response:
[TRIGGER] Trigger.....................................888888888888888888888
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I cut last night pretty bad a abad word into my leg and am pondering if i'll finish the sentence i hate me!
 
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lovely_lemon_tree responded:
I'm sorry, Fran.

I just wanted to say that maybe you could send something for the baby shower... I mean, the baby's not here yet so you don't have to deal with his/her parents just yet. And when the baby is there, well, just have you 'n' baby time -- parents need not stay around. You're a capable caretaker.

It's about you and your grandchild... I hate that your son and DIL treat you the way they do, but, at least when the baby gets here, you will be able to be with just the baby.

((((Fran))))
 
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jankearney123 replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
No lovely.........I won't be able to be with the baby by myself i doubt it very seriously. Yes i raised to kids...........maybe they'll both abandon me i dunno. I s/have listened to the t and just let him text me. cuz its apparent he doesn't want to talk to me and he doesn't want to discuss it with me.
at least i told my mom why i did what i did when she would go drunk on me. and she understood.
i did it again tonight but the stupid thing was so wiggly and thing i couldn't do much! damn and damn and damn! with many expletivtives after that.

no its not about me and my grandchild at all because i probably will fly out with glenn and we'll stay a couple days. and come home. who knows. i just know i am extremely distreassed. thought about other alternatives but know i need to talk care of hubby. poor guy. i'l;l look up a good recipe he was hankerin for something different and said he was thinking about it all night.

my dil won't i'm sure let me have the child to myself for one second! without her being right there.
 
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off_the_wall replied to jankearney123's response:
I know this isn't really about your grandchild at all, it is about you being in pain but I thought I would respond to that aspect of it anyway. I agree with Lovely in that if you show a lot of effort toward your grandchild, your DIL might just come around. I'm in no way comparing you to my MIL because you are nothing like her, but, as you know, my MIL and I don't get along. Before having kids I knew my MIL for 9 years so I knew her pretty well and didn't like a lot of what I saw with her. I questioned how much contact I wanted her to have with my kids once I had kids. Well once I had P, I saw a completely different side of my MIL that I hadn't seen before. You know what I see? I see the pure and total love she has for my daughter. My MIL never spends money on anyone but my daughter is the exception, she has given her so much. But beyond gifts, I just see the effort she makes to have a relationship with her granddaughter, even with living 6 hours away and her being somewhat disabled and unable to make the drive in a single day. Now that I've seen all of this, I wouldn't imagine trying to keep her from seeing my daughter. In fact I often sacrifice my discomfort in being around her in order to get them together. Fran, there is probably very little you can do about the relationship you have with your son and DIL because it's clearly all about them and their issues, not about you. But there are certainly things you can do to insure you have a relationship with your grandchild. So focus on the things you can do, not the things you have no control over. And like you've told me so many times before, worrying about the future doesn't do any good so when things get tough stay in the present moment. Hang in there, friend.
 
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jankearney123 replied to off_the_wall's response:
actually otw it is about my grandchild about my son and about my dil. I want to make it right and have a family with them. but they don't want me and i'm astonished that my son has shunned me like he has. because in his words to my daughter "i'm to emotional".
you're right worrying about the future does nothing good at all.
i will go see my grandchild as much as i can! and that will have to be enuf i guess. still want to punish me
 
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off_the_wall replied to jankearney123's response:
Well don't punish yourself because your DIL has issues and her issues have influenced your son. You have no control over what they do and how they act. All you can focus on is being civil enough with them so that you can have a positive relationship with your grandchild. Show them your love for their child now and especially once the child is born.
 
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jankearney123 replied to off_the_wall's response:
otw.........i'm really struggling not jus because of this ........see the fat doc tomoorw and want surgery need to convice him that i need this because my insurance plan won't cover it. and then tues i have court against my neighboor and i can't write up the notes because i'm to scrambled (fear has set in and i can't calm myself down) listening to ipod and watching olyumpics did hangman and maze puzzle and then weds have a ferocious big business meeting. i'm dead inside. hollow.just don't know what to do and trying to stay settled down can hardly breathe guess i'll try to meditate
 
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slik_kitty replied to jankearney123's response:
hope you are feeling better this morning. good luck with the doc!
 
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lovely_lemon_tree replied to slik_kitty's response:
(((Fran)))

I understand your emptiness.

Because when you're that sad there's nothing left inside. I know. You try to carve one more piece from your heart to continue to do what you need to do but there's just nothing there. Nothing left. No reserves. Nothing. nothing.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it worse. (((Fran)))
 
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jankearney123 replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
I AM EMPTY TO THE POINT OF NOTHINGNESS
 
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Lefty2121 responded:
How are you doing today? I hope the meeting with your doctore went well!


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