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How I warded off a bad thing Trig
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bubbles_bobble posted:
[TRIGGER] because of the nature of this post i thought i'd better write trigger in the subject line but i was amazed at how my day went and so i wanted to share it in the event that it might help someone else.

Mood swings.....................Trigger
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i woke this morning and was very depressed. my husband had planned on going to a last summer thing in my area. we had agreed to 10 a.m. and i didn't want to go. i wanted to stay in pj's all day. i had a very strange chain of events today that saved my life and i feel like once again there was a divine intervention.
my husband had to leave and go to work ...........i had housework to do but wasn't getting anything done. only sitting in my recliner. now i have no idea really what the problem was i get like this from time to time and i recalled later after i was safe that my old t said that i could change my thinking but would always struggle with my mood disorder.
hmmmm.
so anyway i had my whole box of pills here and there are a lot of them. i was planning on taking a bunch and od'ing todya. i had tried to call my neighboor 2 houses down to come earlier in the morning to take off the tape that was all over my shoulders and back from p.t. and no answer so i left it at that and fifgured she'd was at church.
so i stewed more getting more and more into how and that i was never going to become thinand i was never going to be normal and i was never going to be healthy physicallly.
the house was quiet and i went to dbtselfhelp.com and found some inspirational things that i'd never seen before and they talked about how someitmes you just have a bad day but they're not always like that. so that gave me a glimmer. then i called my cousin who has cancer and he and i talked i di d not tell him what was goin g on with me. felt better and we set a lunch date. then my neighboor came down and took off my tape washed my shoulders and back off from adhesive and put lotion on it/ something that was humbling. she talked a mile a min and was going to a birthday celebration for her grandson herself and his aunt. i felt left out and i said i'll bring presents can i come and she laughed naturally. i came froma large family and i do feel disconnected especially since i don't do the aa thing anymore and everyone deserted me after a suicide attempt of all things!
anyway i just kept building and building to get to feeling better and finally i cleaned the house a bit not exactly perfect but cleaner and now its time to go to bed. we can start oiur days over. we have to make the effort which as i found and have found repeatedly is so extremely hard to get do overs.
this time i did not call a crisis line..............i surrendered to the powers at will and i guess once again my divine interveniton happened.
I hope for any of you that yo uhave a kit for what to do when you are suicidal and if you don't then take action as hard as it may be to at least write here or call a friend something ok? dbtselfhelp.com is a wonderful sight and is so chaulked full of good things. its like sometimes you're talking to a therapist. goodnight
One day at a time
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slik_kitty responded:
i'm so glad you made it through the day and ended up having a good day after all.
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to slik_kitty's response:
yeah me too! good morning!
One day at a time
 
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friedeggs replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
good moring , i am really glad you are feeling better
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
I hope you'll keep remembering this.

I'm glad you're here and sharing with us.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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Kate_Te replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
BB -

I am glad you got through a tough day & are still with us!! Amazing, but each day can give us reasons to live and reasons not to. It's all how we look at it.
hugs

Kate_Te
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to Kate_Te's response:
dunno all i know is it is what it is...........................i know that life will go on wikth or without each o fus because it does. i know that i am insequential in the scheme of htings.
i know that fried eggs need to keep seeking helps as do all of you!
i know i am hyper froma huge monday. i know i do not want to go to therapy anymore. i know that if i want to i can try to survive as best as i can and if i don't then o who the hell cares. i don't! and i Do!

It's like because i had to cancel my t appt the 27th of this mohnt so now i get the 11th of oct. gee thanks! Going to take 4 days off but it wont' be a break for me! growl! i'll be dealing with the office!
o well. i worked my buns off today and its like i feel like why do i have office help? i had to deal with it all! and itmakes me mad!
i still have a call i need to check on! great grief! its a quarter to 8 and i still have to work ! been up since 1 a.m. mess with me
One day at a time
 
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friedeggs replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
please understand i didnt do that to you on purpose. like you i had a long day too. i wasnt watching what i was, i am sorry. you are so much a part of us. you are amazing support when your here, we are here for you, everybody wants you to be safe. love you
 
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socalmsg responded:
bubbles, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR PULLING THROUGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to socalmsg's response:
thanks fried eggs and so cal.
i'm not so feeling it tonight. doing it for husband i guess? but i don't know why because i'm so tired. i just am struggling tonight partly i guess because i drank and i'm in p;ain. i guess i best go to bed or the alternative.
One day at a time
 
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bubbles_bobble responded:
i'm trying to remember this caprice
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,

Thank you for sharing your day with us and how you managed to make it through. That in and of itself is inspirational.

I hope by morning you will feel better, rested and the pain will have passed.

In Harmony,
Bonnie
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
thanks b onnie
One day at a time


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