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trigger ...nervous blabbering
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DOGDANCING_TCOS posted:
[TRIGGER]
  • ************************* *********************************** *************** ******************************************* *********************************

    we have to go to the doctors tommorrow. We have already decided that we are dying from what ever is wrong with us. just want to burn all the anxiety and stress away,

    it was so much simpler when we were single and it didn't ametter if we hurt ousevels. knocked over the basket in the bartoom and on the bottomn of it was bandage suppies from years ago - ourt last burn injury
    adn the urge to use them was great

    somehting so calming nad comforting about red on white.

    sigh. nersouas about the doctors apptment.scared we are really sick this time. no insurance. our only choice would be to die aye? cant afforst to saddle family with bills.

    raaafff. want tommorrow to be over with all ready.

    Tcos
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
  • Reply
     
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    socalmsg responded:
    dogdancing, hi !!! i just read your post and i am greatly concerned for you. please, please stay strong and resist the urge to self-injure!!!! as someone who has a similar struggle, i know exactly how severe the desire can be when you are upset/extremely sad, ect........ please, please hang on until the super strong feelings subside and you are thinking even a tad more clearly.

    please allow me to also empathize with you on the topic of saddling yourself and your family with medical bills. i understand the impact of that kind of financial pressure very, very well. i extend my full empathy to you there, honest. as if the pressure and the anxiety, ect. from hanging on and trying super hard not to self injure is not stressful and awful enough, you also have the dread of medical bills thrown onto your plate as well.

    i regret there is not more we could all do for you. please at least know that you are on my heart this afternoon.

    i am also not sure of the backstory here , but it sounds like there is a family member that also struggles with self injury.. hugs to you both , today.
     
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    MandyCake responded:
    DDT,

    Have you tried applying for financial assistance through your doctors? I know I allowed myself to go over 50,000 in debt on medical bills when I was younger as I charged them, my meds, etc to credit cards. I worked several jobs at once and eventually paid this off while still incurring more. Now... I apply for the financial assistance that previously I did not know about and I tell my doctors, etc up front that I can not afford the medical bills... Now they tell me when I receive the bills to throw them out and I do just that... After all, the bills will keep coming in even long after we are all dead... I no longer stress over them.

    I hope things work out for you and that you are feeling better soon.

    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
    If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
     
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    MandyCake replied to MandyCake's response:
    DDT,

    On another note... trying to exist on SSDI is stressful. I am $60 overdrawn on my checking account, a month behind on my car payment and 3 months behind on the cable/phone/etc bill. I notified them that I will pay as I can afford, when I can afford it and that this will have to be good enough for them. You can not give what you do not have...

    Just thought I'd share this as you are not alone...
    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
    If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
     
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    Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
    It's now a day later... how did the appointment go? How are you doing?
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
     
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    bubbles_bobble replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
    bonnie is right,
    you get a piece of paper that you fill out that states that you need financial help and that you cannot pay the bills and they cannot hold you legally responsible.
    my friend did it when her daughter was born missing chromosome 11. the child lived to be 18 and my friend had to pay minimal for her care other than special food formula and diapers.

    I hope you are safe tonight friend. you've been awfully quiet of late and that has me concerned. do take care and let the people in your life that are adults help you. especially dear loved husband. bb
    One day at a time
     
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    DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
    new diagnosis to add to all my others. Truncal lymphedema, right now its very hard to breath cause I have been sitting for the past 9 hours and the band of swollen tissue around my chest is fealing heavy and tight.

    I am not okay.

    can't hurt myselves cause and injury will cause this issue to get worse.

    bleeping screwed man.

    more tests comming up.

    i simply can't die until my children can fend for themselves.

    my daughter turned 6 today.

    I am scared. how the heck and I going to keep working like this? how am I going to feed my family?

    even with my high pain threash hold this tightness and 24/7 nausea is wearing us down.

    Bubbles...I haven't been quiet...I just blog on my blog vs posting here. I can curse there and put pictures of my butt on it if I want. Ha! dont make me laugh, it hurts.

    want another laugh? one treatment is to put the swollen body part above your heart. Well can you picture me at 46 with all my flabby body parts standing my head?

    tonight was my last bad night at work...I don't have to go onsite again till the 30th. I will have down time to process all this new stuff.

    Tcos
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
     
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    slik_kitty replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    huge hugs
     
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    Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    Dear Paja,

    I hope that some of the treatment approaches eases this for you so it's not always this bad for you. ((((hugs)))) What do the docs say your prognosis is with this condition?

    Here for you, dear one.
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
     
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    DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Since it in my neck, breasts and torso we are waiting for a mammogram before they go further with diagnosing. They are no taking this lightly with my multiple high radiation exposures.

    I may be positional related due to it flaired to insane levels with a change in my daily routine at work.

    and its possible that bleeping damn car wreck instigated it! (the seat belt trauma.)

    Work just woke me up and after 2 hours of sleep its not hurting as bad as it was when I got home this morning at 3:00am, but now I have to sit for a few hours while I work. gaaarrhhh...

    I am happy I managed to get my arse to the doc's....usually I just ignore things. Its a good sign that I am taking care of myselves.

    gawd I need a coast trip....
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
     
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    MandyCake replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    DDT,

    I'm so sorry you are having to struggle with yet another condition. If I could I would ease your pain. All I can do is send love your way. And please, find a way to get that coast trip!

    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
    If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
     
    avatar
    bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
    paja,
    im so sorry for what you have to endure right now and always. i hope they figure out a good course of action to help the problem be put away for good! forever! God knows you have enough to deal with.
    Is there anyway you can make it to the redwoods? and sooN?
    Godspeed friend. goodnite bb
    One day at a time


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