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I NEED HELP HELP TRIG
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bubbles_bobble posted:
[TRIGGER] IM TRYING TO PACK MY STUFF TO GO TO NM BUT JUST MAKING A LIST SO FAR. TRIED TO GET A NEW APPT WITH NEW PDOC AND CAN'T GET ONE AND I TOLD THEM I PAY 1600.00 A MOS. AND YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I CAN'T PICK MY OWN DOC I'M PUT TO A DOC BY ALPHABET! PO/S ME! I WROTE MY T AND OF COURSE I FORGOT SHE'S NOT IN ON WEDS. I'M SO MAD AT HER. I'M CANCELING THE APPT. WITH HER. NOBODY CAN BOTHER TO TELL ME ANYTHING UNTIL THE LAST MIN OF WHERE ANYONE IS TRANSFERING TO AND ITS REALLY ANNOYING. I REALLY WANT TO GET SERIOUSLY DRINK BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IS WHAT HAS CAUSED MY HIVES
SO ITS A SURE WAY TO DIE IF I WANT TO. ITS ALSO A SURE WAY TO GET CAUGHT BY THE DOCS IF I DONT DIE AND END UP IN THE ER AND THEY DO A PEE TEST. I HAVE A STUPID MEETING TODAY AND I GOTTA GET DOING SOMETHING BUT I JUST WANT TO GET DRUNK. I TOOK 2 PAIN PILLS AND I'M ALL SLEEPY AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT SO I'VE NOT GOT A PDOC A T AND THAT SUITES ME JUST FINE BECAUSE I'M NOT DRIVING EVEN FURTHER 45 MINS. TO GET TO THE DAMN SHRINKS OFFICES. IT'S RIDICULOUS SO I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY SERVICES. I HAVE A SUPPLY OF 3 MOS. OF PILLS SO THIS IS GOOD. IF I RUN OUT O WELL. CAN U BELIEVE THAT I PAY 1600.00 P/MO AND I'M ASSIGNED DOCS! I DON'T GET A CHOICE! THERE IS NO ONE TO CHOOSE FROM THE PDOCS THAT ARE GOING TO THE NEW CLINIC. AND I'M TIRED OF SWITCHING! SO I GUESS MY QUESTION REALLY IS HOW DO I STAY SAFE FROM MYSELF IN ORDER NOT TO SH AND DRINK?
I HAVE BEEN DRINKING SO I DON'T SH AND THAT IS HOW I'VE DONE IT SO I WOULDN'T SH. I'M SO SO SO MAD! THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT ME SO I'M NOT GOING TO CARE ABOUT THEM EITHER!
One day at a time
Reply
 
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Kate_Te responded:
bb

((HUGS))

take a slow deep breath & try to center yourself. you can fix this. just slow down a sec. Can you call the pdoc's offfice & explain that you need 3 month supply & why? Do you have anything set for services in NM? Most HMO's allow emergency treatment out of state. Maybe you could at least get one or two visits in with a T in NM.

Did you leave a message for your T? Does she have someone covering for her on Wednesdays?

I hope something here helped. Just know that you are loved & cared about in this community & none of us want to see you hurt yourself.

Stay safe
Kate_Te
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Posting here was a good start, BB.

Is your husband aware of your drinking? It sounds like you're keeping a lot of things secret and secrecy never serves us well when our own health is at stake. Please start letting others know how you're struggling right now.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
[TRIGGER] because i've not sh'd for 35 days they think i'm doing great! the reason i have not sh'd for 35 days is because i have been drinking so that i don't sh. i dumped out the margaritas on sunday and that was the last of myhusband knowing i drank. tonight i had coconut rum yum with real coke. just kinda relaxed me but didn't go whole hog. taking it with me.
guzzling the rest down tomorrow! i don't know whats happened. it started out that i just didn't want to sh and now i can't stop. i'vew poured out a lot of booze two times! i really don't want to quit. i'd rather just vanish. i hate my employee who talks about her gf. the gal seems to be leading her on!
ugh! goodnite i'm gonna go pass out sorry i worte
One day at a time
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
They think you're doing well because you're hiding what all is going on with you. Please start talking, BB. (((hugs)))
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Can't talk got rid of t because she lied to me and pdoc is leaving beacuz HMO lied to her so then I lie because I just can't deal I'm down here in abq and vaca n I'm drinking I don't know how to stop and I guess I don't want to
One day at a time
 
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off_the_wall replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
Be safe, BB. I'm sorry things have been so bad lately. (((Hugs)))
 
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MandyCake replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Caprice,

Funny you should say this about "secrets." My T said this to me this week. Keeping our suffering a secret hurts everyone she said so I will be going to my Women's PTSD Support Group and telling them what I did this past week...

BB, I really think Caprice is right. I feel somewhat better having talked about some of what is within me.

Hugs,
Bonnie
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
can't talk to anyone in mental health because if i do they will take away my pain meds and i can't have that happen. I wear two tens units and take oxycodone 5 mg 4x a day plus my phych meds. i'm not taking pain meds to get high. all they do is make me tired not high.
at least the alcohol makes me numb. i wanted to go to the 30 day program in illinois but my t never did get back to me on it. she often did that so if she can't be accountable who cares! its not allher faoult i'm pretty sure its the hmo's fault because they only give the t's 15 mins. in between appt.
but it doesn't matter anymore because my pdoc is leaving hmo and t and i came to an a greement w t that i wouldn't be coming back to therapy. in november the offices move clear acorss town closer a lot to a brand new facility. the old one was really gross! there are a few t's ,moving over to the place closer to me but i dunno i don't think any would work well with me.
i c my cdic councleor every 2 weeks and am working on the sh. HA HA. if this lid ever gets blown i'm really going to flip!
i just gotta make sure its a full week before i see my primary doc. there s/b no other reason except if i went to er which i won't ever go there again either.
so ya know you said bonnie that yoy had chugged a bunch of pills down with tequila doesn't everyone? was your remark
I really wanted to go to the baby shower for my dil but after today i see it as pointless too just like my husband said. thing is i am sick o fsh. i'd just rather rote from teh inside out and possibly have a stroke that would kill me or a heart attack because i have tachardia and a 2 valve heart.
well enough of this...............................i am a drinker what can i say. its part of me just like sh. but for now i have decided not to sh. i'm sick of all the itching all the garbage that goes along with it and i'm sory for running my mouth
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I do not think in my comment that I wrote "doesn't everyone?" in any case, I'm concerned about you and hope you seek help. What about calling a peer line or a hotline?

I am so proud of you, to hear that you have decided NOT to sh.

Much love to you.
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
 
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off_the_wall replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
I too am really sorry you are struggling so much. And of course you know why they would pull your pain meds if they found out you are drinking: because the combination can kill you and they don't need to be responsible for that. It sounds like you may have some options with a new doctor's office if you are willing to drive. Think you should give that a shot since the office near you gives you zero options. Hang in there, friend.
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to off_the_wall's response:
guess GUESS GUESS WHAT!?????!!!!!!!

i GET TO SEE THE T I WANT TO SEE. I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF SHE WERE MY T WE'D HAVE IT ALL SEWN UP! SHE WAS MY IOP T. SHE'LL KEEP ME OUTTA THE HOSPITAL I KNOW IT! I KNOW WE'LL WORK WELL TOGETHER!

THANKS!
One day at a time
 
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friedeggs replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
that is wonderful bb . i am really proud of you for geeting rid rid of the bottles
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,

This is great news!

Hugs,
Bonnie
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
 
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slik_kitty replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
yay!


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