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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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Winter in Vermont
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MandyCake posted:
Crisis never called or showed today and I'm feeling defeated and resigned... So to avoid SH, I took a walk through the park to breathe in the rich smell of Autumn's decay. When I reached the lake I decided to go for a swim.

I was the only one swimming. The few others on the beach were dressed in Winter Clothing, Hats, gloves, etc... and looking at me as if I was nuts (okay, so I am... but still)... Turns out we had SNOW here in Vermont's mountains. And it was only in the 40's at the lake. Oh well, I'm Irish... built to survive the cold...

I have dug the crap out of my scalp to the point it is bleeding and burning... (I get seborric echezma) I feel like shaving my entire head bald! I've been losing my hair as it is.... I wonder if my scalp would heal if it were bald?? Of course, think of a fat round freckled red face with no hair... What a sight I'd be...

I think I'll soak in a hot peppermint bath, put on thermal pj's and have some hot milk with cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla and sugar in it, take my pm meds and snuggle up with Mandy my cat... Make it through another night... Tomorrow I meet with my T...

Hugs to you all. I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU LOVELY WOMEN AS WELL. I am grateful for your courage and strength, for your love and support. Each and everyone of you...

Gra'
Bonnie
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
Reply
 
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lexismom11 responded:
Sounds like a nice evening for you. Hopefully it all relaxes you enough to get a good night's sleep. I on the other hand, think there will never be a good night's sleep for me. Hopefully it is very different for you.

Will crisis at least call you to check on you? That's not ok that they did not show today. What if you really needed them?

I have thought at times about shaving my head but I would never do that because I would be in the same situation as you. I would not be pretty bald.
 
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MandyCake replied to lexismom11's response:
Hi Lexismom,

Sadly, no, I did not have the goodnights sleep. Nightmares returned. The meds worked last week... Oh well...
Maybe it was because of the many triggers in support group yesterday.
Crisis did not even call to check on me and I still feel the big "S". I actually found a sharp item in my toolbox... some kind of cutter.... So I SH'd.

I'm not pretty with hair and bald I would be a nightmare indeed. Then again, people probably wouldn't notice my head... all they see are my breasts.

How are you today? Do you have any plans?

It is 37 degree's here so maybe I'll go swimming again...

Take care of you!

Hugs,
Bonnie
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
 
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lexismom11 replied to MandyCake's response:
I did not have a good night either. Just not sleeping. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night. I am just worn out from not sleeping. I have an appt with my therapist today so we'll see how it goes. That's the only plans I have today. I actually did some laundry last night. That was an accomplishment.

I am going to go to see my therapist, then I don't know what I'll do. Feeling very bad as usual.
 
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MandyCake replied to lexismom11's response:
((((((((((((((((TRIGGER))))))))))))))))))))))))




Lexismom,

I'm so sorry you haven't slept well. I'm beginning to think I'd like to be that Depressive that can just stay in bed rather than the Depressive that I am who is continually wired and tired... (sigh)

How did it go with your T? Did you make any progress?

My appointment sucked. My T was like, if you don't want to change than nothing will change. I'm fuming now... It's not a matter of wanting to change, (after all I'm going to group, individual therapy, psych, and soon, Stepps... like: Hello, I'm trying!) It's a matter of not believing that things for me will change. There is a difference. I tried to point this out, same thing with housing just different time and place. Same thing with the man, same thing with.... And she was like: Yeah, I hear you... NO SHE DID NOT HEAR ME. If she had, she would then understand why I find it hard to believe.

I told her. I do not care anymore and she said that's a good thing. I guess she's just one more person who would rather not have me in this world. So be it... I'm sick of trying anyway... Okay world, you win...
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie


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