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Crying my eyes out because I'm so huge (Trigger)
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off_the_wall posted:
[TRIGGER] Trigger at the end.........................
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I know I keep complaining about this same thing but it is really bothering me....

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a gym membership and I worked out for an hour every single morning. In fact, I even worked out on the morning that I went into labor with my daughter. Although it was difficult on me emotionally to gain weight, overall I felt good about myself. Also I got compliments on how good I looked, both from strangers and people I know.

This time around I can't go to the gym because I have no one to watch my daughter. And it was just way too hot this summer to go outside and walk for exercise while pregnant. Plus I've had all kinds of pain and contractions with this pregnancy so most days just making it through the day feels like an accomplishment. I also have been eating way too much and I know it.

I have received zero compliments this time around. Zero. The only comments I get from people are, "OMG, you're so huge!"

Last night we went to a pumpkin patch and my husband took a bunch of cute pictures of my daughter. I also wanted him to take some pictures of me with our daughter. But I look at them and just feel disgusted, not with my baby belly, but just with how huge I am in general. You can even see a 2nd chin in the side pictures!

I had a doctors appointment this morning and I've gained the same amount of weight at this point in my pregnancy as I did total with my daughter (and I have over a month to go). Plus I know last time around I had a lot more muscle and a lot less fat.

I know this is ridiculous but I am just crying and crying and feel awful about myself. I'm wanting to SH just to make myself feel a little bit better, but I've been trying so hard not to, in part because when you are pregnant you really aren't able to hide things from the doctors and nurses because they see all. It's really a terrible feeling and I think I may SH anyway and deal with the consequences later because I just feel that bad about myself.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear OTW,

I expect you're being very hard on yourself but I can say that all day long and it won't help. I know that this is such a problem for you and I hear/feel your pain. ((((hugs)))) I am sure that others here will be responding but, in the meantime, I wanted you to know that we hear you.

I hope that writing it out here helped.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lexismom11 responded:
It's not ridiculous to feel upset by how "big" you are when you are pregnant. You are definitely not alone in that feeling. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I gained 55 pounds. I don't know how much you have gained so I can't compare it to my weight gain. I just thought maybe you could use a little perspective. Yes, you will gain a few more pounds before having the baby, but you also don't know how much weight you will lose once you have the baby. I was pleasantly surprised to lose all but 5 pounds of the weight. It will take some time so you have to expect that but you may lose all of the weight you have gained. Plus, I don't look at pregnant people as huge, I look at them as pregnant. There's a big difference.
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to lexismom11's response:
I gained 90 lbs with my daughter and 50 lbs with son. I lost it all both times. I remained thin until they put me on phych meds and turned me into an experiment. now i'm huge you haven't even seen huge till you've seen me! I'm the biggest i've ever been in my life! But i lost 7 lbs. however the last 2 weeks have been torture of eating a lot and bad stuff.
you're prego girl. people say stupid stuff when you're pregnant.

What others think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't say that to hurt your feelings. It's been said to me and i try very hard to practice this because it is the truth. damn strait girl!
ya know i looked like a linebacker for the NFL smuggling something under my shirt i was so huge. you'll survive trust me.

why don't you dwell on something posiitve kiddo. take the focus off of you and onto your unborn child and P. Plan what the girls are going to be like on the first xmas together. first valentines day?

Do some distraction action. I should take my own advice. its just all easier said then done i know but maybe something here i wrote made sense along with the others.
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
OTW,

I hear you and just want to hug you. Thanks to meds and health issues, I can't be active like I used to be, I have gained 100 pounds and I'm not pregnant. I weighted 78 pounds. Now I am a whale. Being short, barely 5 feet, makes it worse.

My psych stated the new sleep med's may cause another 10 pound weight gain but if it does we can stop the med and the weight should just fall off me... right, in what universe. I have been struggling to shed the 100 pounds and it's not budging.

So dear, dear, OTW, please know, your baby will be born healthy and you WILL shed those pounds chasing the little ones around. No matter what your weight, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Reaching across the web to give you a big hug.
If I could have one day and have that day be very windy and choose what I wished to be... I'd be a Kite and fly free...

In Harmony,
Bonnie
 
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off_the_wall replied to MandyCake's response:
Thank y'all so much for caring and understanding. I'm crying again but only because I am so grateful for the support I get here. Weight issues and body image issues just leave a person feeling sad and horrible and I definitely sympathize with each of you. Once I have 2 little ones I have no idea how I will ever find time to exercise. I mean I can't seem to find the time right now with 1. I'm just so tired and stressed and I know it isn't going to get better anytime soon.
 
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Kate_Te replied to off_the_wall's response:
OTW -
You won't need a gym membership once your new baby starts crawling - chasing 2 young'ins around all day will burn more than enough calories. lol
In the meantime, I agree with what everyone else has said, I understand your concern, but as long as you have a beautiful healthy baby, who cares what it took to carry her?
(((OTW)))
 
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lovely_lemon_tree replied to Kate_Te's response:
One thing I learned the hard way is that although we think it may not, our bodies continue to change, even as we get older. People think they have it all down when they give the sixth-grade girls The Talk About Periods but what they don't tell you is that your body continues to change.

I feel like you, only like Bonnie, I've had the body issues stuff and I'm not pregnant. Like Bonnie and Bubbles, I've also gained a huge amount of weight in the last few years due to psych meds. We may not be having little ones just yet, but the bottom line is that our bodies have all changed -- and no one told us that was going to happen! If they'd just have told us in sixth grade that our bodies will continue to grow and change and round out and have curves, maybe we wouldn't be so upset about it. I look at pictures of myself from high school and it was clear that I hadn't "grown into" my body by then. But even now, I look at my shadow and am repulsed. It's so disgusting and it is so disheartening. I feel like I'm never going to be the way I was before (which I've come to accept) and I'm never going to be happy with what size I'm going to be. It's just not fair, as I have ranted before.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, B. I wish there was something I could do. Gentlest of hugs if okay.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
 
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off_the_wall replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
Kate_Te- I know you're right but it's still not easy to accept.

LLT- Thank you so much for understanding. You're right, I guess if we knew this was going to happen maybe it would be easier to accept. I know I've always had major body image issues so it should be no surprise to me that being pregnant makes it worse for me. I just wish I could go to the store without someone asking when I'm due and when I tell them they act shocked and make some comment about how huge I am. It happens nearly every time I leave the house and every time it makes me cry.

Trigger below _________________________________
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I haven't SHed even though I soooo much want to that I even have been dreaming about it nearly every night. With winter coming I know it won't last because as soon as I can wear long sleeves it's over with.

I have my ultrasound tomorrow and I'm very nervous about finding out how my baby's kidneys are doing.

I know I keep saying this but I really am so sorry that I haven't been posting to help anyone except myself. I feel really bad about it. I'm so sorry.
 
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lexismom11 replied to off_the_wall's response:
There will always be time periods when you need to take more than you can give. There will come a time when you will be able to give more than recieve so you shouldn't feel bad. You don't have to be sorry about needing more support now than at other times.
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to lexismom11's response:
LEXI SAID IT ALL AND SO DID LLT. HEED THE ADVICE DEAR SWEET OTW.
One day at a time
 
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off_the_wall replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
Thank you Lexismom and BB. Last night was another rough one. I don't understand how people can act the way that they do. First it was my MIL's birthday so my husband placed a video call to her so that she could talk to our daughter. Well MIL just saw me last weekend so she knows how huge I am. But her mother (husband's grandmother) was also in on the video call so MIL says to her, "See how big her belly is!" to point it out to the grandmother. We get off the call and husband says, "You know my mom is just like that... please don't let it bother you." And yeah, I do know that's how she is and that she's been telling the rest of his family how huge I am.

So I have this one former co-worker who has somewhat kept in touch with me, even though we really don't see each other or talk anymore (we occasionally communicate by e-mail and that's it). And she asked if she could stop by the house to drop off a b-day present for P. So just an hour after we get off the phone with MIL, my friend pulls up at our house. I walk out the front door and before saying even "Hi" she yells for the entire neighborhood to hear, "Oh my gosh, you're huge!!!!" I just said, "Yeah, thanks a lot...."

So after she leaves I'm crying my eyes out and husband thinks he will try to make me feel better by saying things like, "Once you have the baby you can exercise and eat right and lose the weight...." Which obviously doesn't help because it just confirms the fact that he too thinks I'm a fat a$s.

I'm happy to be carrying a big healthy baby. But I have major body image issues so when people call me "huge" I don't take it as them saying just my belly is huge, to me everything is huge. But yes, yall are right, all that matters is that my baby is healthy (which I'm praying she is.... having an ultrasound this afternoon).
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to off_the_wall's response:
SWEETIE I KNOW IT SOUNDS SO HARSH. I WISH I KNEW HOW TO UPLOAD PHOTOS AND STILL HAD THE PHOTO OF WHAT I LOOKED LIKE WHEN I WAS PREGO WITH SON. OMG!
SOMETIMES WE DO GAIN WEIGHT OTW ............AND SOMETIMES WE DO CARRY BIG BABYS. ITS OK. IT REALLY WILL BE OK. AS LONG AS YOU'RE HEALTHY AND THE BABY IS TOO (AND I'M PRAYING FOR YOU AND PLEASE DO LET US KNOW ABOUT ULTRASOUND WHEN YOU FIND OUT) THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

IMAGINE IF YOU WERE BEING ANOREXIC RIGHT NOW AND YOU WERE PREGNANT. AND YOU WERE RESTRICTING! HOW WOULD THAT BE! NOT VERY GOOD NOW WOULD IT.

TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE ACCEPTANCE.......TRULY OTW ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY TO ALMOST EVERYTHING WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

LOVE
BB
One day at a time
 
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off_the_wall replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
Thank you for praying about the ultrasound. We got good news. While her left kidney is still considered dilated because it's considerably larger than her right kidney, it is now within the normal range for kidney size. Now we just wait until she is born and they will then do an ultrasound on my baby to see how her kidney looks.

We also found out that she is measuring 9 days ahead of schedule and already weighs 5 lbs 15 oz at 34 weeks. Soooo, I AM carrying a big baby!
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to off_the_wall's response:
YEAH! YEAH! .......................... YEAH!.....................

SEE THERE ANOTHER LESSON IN LIFE..............WHAT'D I TELL YA ABOUT WORRYING? 90% OF WHAT WE WORRY ABOUT NEVER HAPPENS!

I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THIS NEWS. NOW U KNOW WHY YOU ARE HAVING A BIGGER TIME OF IT SILLY. THAT BABY INSIDE YOU NEEDS SOME GRUB MOMMA! HEE HEE SO FEED HER! NO WORRIES KIDDO!

LIKE I SAID I CARRIED A 10 LBER. 1 OZ SHY OF 10 LBS.
AND A VAGINAL BIRTH AND MY FIRST BIRTH WAS A C SECTION. GOTTA LOVE MY SON I HAVE HUGE HEMMROIDS FROM THE LIL TURKEY! WELL ACTUALLY HE'S ABOUT 6'3'. I THINK MY GRANDAUGHTER WILL BE AT LEAST AVERAGE HEIGHT.

WELL GIRL I'M BACK TO THE COUNTRY GIRLS.
One day at a time


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