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i told you this was going to be a nightnare
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friedeggs posted:
said the next two weeks will be horrible and it is
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
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MandyCake responded:
Hi Beautiful Sister... I have missed you too. I'm so sorry to worry you. Even though Halloween is over, I went more "batty" if that is possible.

I'll try to check in and keep you all updated.. I do not know if I will be getting readmitted somewhere or what... One of the crisis team thought I should go where they do Electric Shock Therapy and see if frying my brains cells would work but because of my health, other professionals do not think this would be wise...

I will know more today or tomorrow as to what the new plan will be. Hugs...

Love them friedeggs!!!!!!!!
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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friedeggs replied to MandyCake's response:
I just want all my pain to end with out having to cause pain for the people who love me or care about me I've changed a lot lately. Every day I wake up different. I feel like I'm dying a little more every day. Everyone else sees smiles. But I only want to cry when you ask what's wrong, all I'll say is I'm tired. [T>orn apart,nsecure,[R>eally faking my smile,[E>xtremely sad,[D>rowning in my tears Yeah,Im just tired
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
 
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Kate_Te replied to friedeggs's response:
Dem -
I think we all wear masks to the outside world to hide our depression/anxiety. I really think you need to speak with your therapist and let him/her know what's going on in your head right now. It sounds like severe depression to me (at least that's how I feel when it gets that bad for me). You need to get a plan that refocuses your life - you are a strong beautiful woman - don't let the world beat you down.
Hugs
Kate_Te
 
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friedeggs replied to Kate_Te's response:
[TRIGGER] trigger/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////..............................my sons operation has been cancelled. my brother is going to his turn under the knife in two weeks, which is going to bring out mom.. who still treats me like a child. my house can clean. in hers eyes will be still dirty, and her visit will bring out my low life sister who i told off two months ago, i did call my t, he said he would call me back but didnt. i think he got busy, i have my session in 11 days, between that and the mood swings. today i found my self stepping out of my body while on the bus. i so much wanted to buy the razor blades again, so you see i feel wonderful.i wish i can go away for ever, thank you kate
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
 
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Kate_Te replied to friedeggs's response:
Dem -
I already tried to post this once, but WebMd ate my post. Please keep calling your T until he does talk to you. Call him tomorrow.

Biological families can suck! Just because you were born to a certain person, you are tied to this whole group of people for life. It is why I whole heartedly agree with your assessment of this group of women as our Family!

Keep calling your T, keep writing here & just try to survive your biological family!
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
Oh Dearheart, I feel your pain and hear you. I understand..

Is it possible to think about this differently.

Something I wrote...

I spent my entire life wanting to die only to realize that I was already dead and wanting life, life that has been here waiting for me to be lived.

You do not have to "fake" anything. We all understand.

Hugs to you.
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
How about your mom and sis find other accommidations where they stay so they do not come to your home? If your mom starts treating you in a way that is not acceptable to you, say thank you for caring... but I need to do this myself... Or if she says anything to hurt you, say to her that this is what I heard you to say, is this what you meant? If so, be firm in letting her know that it is not okay with you.

Be strong. I know that strength is in you. Wow, 11 days can seem like a universe away when you are in need. Demand help now! Go to ER and Demand they help you with what you need. Do not let them off the hook. I have been known to say that I refuse to leave until something else is in place... Be and Do whatever it is you need to do to keep yourself safe.

Gra'
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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friedeggs replied to MandyCake's response:
love you both, i am just really bad right now ty
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
Love you too.
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to MandyCake's response:
Follow up... ECT can not be done because my Psych states I do not have depression I have complex PTSD and this would make me alot worse... I just wanted to see if we could burn a few of my brain cells to help erase memories... oh well...

I hope you are feeling better. We will get through this... Together! Deal????
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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friedeggs replied to MandyCake's response:
[TRIGGER] trigger/////////////////////////////////////...................................................... ....................................i am so far gone i cant take i want die i need to find away to die with out it look like suicidw . i a, sorry i love you
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
 
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Kate_Te replied to friedeggs's response:
Dem,
Please call a crisis line!! We love you too much to loose you!
Kate_Te
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
(((Dem))),

When you find yourself drowning, do not fight the current or try to remain afloat... Dive sweet woman... sometimes we have to dive down into the waters of our pain until we actually touch the bottom. Only then can we free the seaweed that is there holding us tight so we can again swim free...

No need to be sorry... I love you bunches and barrells of nuts.

A huge transformation is coming. One for the better. I finally had a bunch of Acorns/Black Walnuts, drop on my head, You will too my friedeggs... And we will be there to lift you back up onto your feet...

I Love You!!!!
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
What the heck... computer ate my response... Oh well, I shall change it...

((((((DEM)))))

It took alot of acorns, walnuts to fall on my head as of late for me to see that the way to move forward was to not try to stop myself from falling... I had to fall so that I could then be helped to my feet to stand. We will be here for you, Catching YOU as you fall and we will help you to again stand. We will also be there beside you on your healing journey and when you are weary, too tired to fight or take another step, you can lean on us, let us help carry the weight of it all, lets us provide you a safe place to come and rest and let us stand guard over you as you sleep. I Love You my friedeggs!

Please be well.
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie


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