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You'd be Proud of Me!
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MandyCake posted:
Well, my ex- was on the phone with me... he was saying that he loves me, (ummm... living with a new woman) and I'm getting help for "my" issues and I am the "best person with the biggest heart he has ever known" and if it doesn't work out with him and his new GF... well, anything is possible in the future....

My response: basically, no chance... been there, done that buster!

Then a realization came over me... when I met my ex, his GF at the time, filed a restraining order against him for abuse... Then I had 25 years and now, Helena, this sweet GF he has now, who has had a life of horrid abuse he is with.... I'm seeing a pattern here....

It is incredible how much my eyes have opened this past week...
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
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friedeggs responded:
you are right i an soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you, you did the right thing.. you are a wonderful person. there is someone out there for you. but right now take the time to get you well. i wish i could be with you, i would give you the biggest hug. that is great news
My family tree must have been an oak because all my relatives are nuts.
 
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Kate_Te replied to friedeggs's response:
Yay!!! The best thing you could have done!!! So Proud! Treat yourself to something special today!
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
You are with me and I feel your hug!
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
Kate_Te,

I did treat myself to something: Two books from the local library. "Women's Divorce Bedside Companion." Awesome... loved reading this. Great for a reality check. "After Your Divorce" actually is a very helpful read as it has shown me all of the emotional levels I need to work through before I am free to move forward. I'm taking many notes on these before returning them to the library!

And I let the male cashier at the pharmacy talk me into a buying Aura Cacia Aromatherapy bath foam in ginger-mint and in patchouli-sweet orange. Can't wait to use these over the weekend. He loves the first as it is warming and soothing and the second he found invigorating... $5.00 for both was a steal...

Off to Stepps for another day of therapy... but I shall surprise them because I actually had a few emotions that I felt rather than disassociated from... lol.

Gra'
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake responded:
The male tenant in my building who has sexually harrassed 3 other women besides me and housing refuses to evict, came to my door last week twice, drunk, trying to coerce and bang his way into my apartment, saying housing stated he could stay here. I contacted Housing and the manager stated she would just post a letter to him and one to me on our doors to stay away from each other. What the heck? I called her and said do not worry about it, I'll take care of this myself. Well, I returned from being in the hospital yesterday getting Pulmonary things done and he was outside the apartment building waiting... I pulled into the garage and had to take the elevator to the lobby as I had groceries with me. He does not own a vehicle, had no reason to take the elevator down to the garage but did so in hopes of "getting me alone with him." He made comments of hoping to see me in the woods/park and he'll bring a camera. So I called the PD, Street Interventionist Team Specialist and he will come by to my place tonight so as to address this issue.

I hate having to continiously relive the past in the present, not just the PTSD part, but the actual reality. Why does it never change???
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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friedeggs replied to MandyCake's response:
if i am reading it write in your are starting to feel better . i am so happy for you. just take one step at a time. i love 7ou
A best friend is someone who never leaves you when you need them.Someone who never means to hurt you.And is someone who loves you.
 
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Kate_Te replied to friedeggs's response:
I'm glad you are getting the police involved. The only way to stop someone like that is if they are threatened by someone they can't threaten. I hope the cops paid him a visit.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to MandyCake's response:
Wow, you are sounding so powerful, Bonnie, re all of it! You keep on fighting for yourself and I, too, am glad you're getting the PD involved further. Also, be sure you are documenting all of this... place, time, what was said, etc.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
Friedeggs,

On one level I may be okay... I did give my sharps and stockpiled meds to my crisis worker, Kay, and have weaned myself off them being with me everyday so now we are down to weekly check-ins and I call if I need them.

On another level. I'm not certain of how I am but I will try your advice of one step at a time.

I Love You.
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
Kate_Te,

Well, it is hard to be optimistic with my history and system involvement. History, repeats again and again for me, and not just with the PTSD...

The PD did not return my call, did not show up, nadda.... Same ole, same ole... I do not understand why nothing changes.... I fight and try hard and it seems like I continue to be against the tide. This just reinforces that I deserve whatever, it's all me, yadda, yadda, yadda... and then I spiral down again... (sigh)...

Think I will head to bed soon... it is 4:30 a.m. here and maybe I can sleep and tune out the world...

Hugs.
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Caprice,

Thank you. I shall take your advice and document all. I will try to keep fighting forward...

But for now... I'm going to rest... gear up for yet another day of battling against the tides...

Gra'
Bonnie

P.S. I did finally go out and buy me some TRIX!
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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friedeggs replied to MandyCake's response:
I have been reading your posts , you are starting to sound stronger. you do not want to rush it and fall,
A best friend is someone who never leaves you when you need them.Someone who never means to hurt you.And is someone who loves you.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to MandyCake's response:
Resting is always good. (((hugs)))

(And yay for the Trix!)
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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Sammurai711 responded:
Proud of you Bonnie!


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