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Medical update - trigger
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DOGDANCING_TCOS posted:
  • **************************************** ******************************* ********* *********************************************** ********************************

    Had an MRI on my elbow Monday. Got the results yesterday. It confirms the original diagnosis of tennis elbow.

    garrr I hate that term, see here for new names for it:
    http://gettingthebucksout.blogspot.com/2012/11/tennis-elbow.html

    anyway, it hit me about midnight and I got dunked with a wave of suicidal urges. I swam to the surface and did some deep thinking on the commute home.

    I wanted - needed - the MRI to show something different. I wanted something the doctors COULD fix and return my arm to full function. I didn't want it to confirm the original dx, because we are talking ~1 year for recover. We are 6 months in and there is no improvement.

    Make me very depressed and shoved me right into suicidal land.

    I am having urges to SIV that boarder on the edge for me. When I have these types of urges for that particular genre of injuries I am in trouble. It equals, in my system, a line that crosses from sane to insane.

    I stayed up and did a lot of work last night to re-route this head space.

    I think I have done so.

    I also decided to make an attempt to raise the money I need for my biopsy. I have a few "treasures" squirreled away and plan to have "bulletin board yard sale" at my work. My health is important. I need to be here for my family.

    I also have taken steps to give my arm the rest it needs. Years ago when my second child was born I bought bulk picnic dishes/silverware so that when she was born that was one less thing I had to worry about finding time to do. Having a newborn a 5 year old and a full time job made for no time to wash dishes. It worked wonderfully!

    Not having to do it now will lessen the strain on my injury. I already chopped off my hair so I can brush it with my left hand and no longer have to braid it.

    I have canceled plans with a friend tonight and plan to just be at home with my family. To be safe and surrounded by those who love me.

    I will get through this.

    Peace be the journey

    Paja
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
  • Reply
     
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    MandyCake responded:
    Paja,

    You are incredible. You are facing this head on and refusing to let those stubborn sh thoughts enter. You are recognizing
    this which is a magor accomplishment and you are doing what you need to, to get through. I applaud you.

    I have a difficult time of the concept of "fixing" me rather than just "managing or medicating." Like you I want Fix... I can understand how this may cause frustration as well as anger and other emotions.

    I love that you took care of you. You stayed home and had your needs met.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie
    I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
     
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    Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
    Very impressed with your sense of survival over your desire to sh. I hope their estimate of time for your arm to heal is grossly overstated.
     
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    Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
    It's been really great to read this, Paja. Well done on all counts!

    My best friend just got diagnosed with the same and is on the long road of care/treatment. Another friend years ago had the same and it took a while but he eventually was able to leave it behind.

    You'll get there too.
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
     
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    lostkate responded:
    Hang in there Paja, enjoy the night with your family.
    Kate
     
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    bubbles_bobble replied to lostkate's response:
    PAJA
    YOU ARE REALLY THE EPITOME OF WHAT IT MEANS TO GET WELL! AND TREAT YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS.
    THANKS FOR THE POST!

    KUDOS TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU KEEP THINKING THIS WAY. I HAVEN'T EVER ACCEPTED THAT MY KNEES WILL ONLY GET WORSE AND THAT UNLESS I LOOSE WEIGHT I WILL NEVER GET BETTER. THO THE WATER DOES HELP.

    YOU MIGHT WANNA GIVE THAT A GO. TAKE YOUR KIDS TO THE POOL THIS WINTER AND THEN GO IN AND JUST BEHOOF THE WATER AN DHOW IT IS HEALING.
    One day at a time
     
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    off_the_wall responded:
    I'm really sorry that you continue to be in so much pain but I am glad to hear you are taking steps to take care of yourself and your family. ((((Hugs))))
     
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    MandyCake replied to off_the_wall's response:
    Have you tried arneca rub? Or any other natural holistic method to help you with the pain?

    I hope your pain eases and finds you feeling better this day.

    Gra'
    Bonnie
    I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
     
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    slik_kitty responded:
    I don't know if you have tried a brace for your arm. since it's a tendon injury, the tendon needs somewhere else to anchor so it will heal. the brace is just a band that fastens around your arm giving the tendon a place to anchor. i can't remember if mine was tennis elbow or golfers elbow, but it definitely helped my arm to heal and didn't take a year to do it, although mine wasn't as severe as yours.
     
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    penguie replied to slik_kitty's response:
    perhaps if you had the opportunity for physio too might help

    hugs
     
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    off_the_wall responded:
    Have you tried PT for it? That can make a real difference in the speed of recovery for certain injuries.
     
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    DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to off_the_wall's response:
    yes did PT all summer. But sadly he wasn't on the same page as teh doctors and he was having me doing strengthening exercises. Which didn't help, because my arm needed rest.
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.


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