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DOING POORLY IN ANSWER TO KATE TE TRIG
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bubbles_bobble posted:
[TRIGGER] TRIGGER88888888888888888888888888888888
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DOING POORLY.
WANNA DIE BUT THEN DON'T I ALWAYS. I TALKED TO A CRISIS PERSON WHO TOLD ME TO LISTEN TO MY MUSIC BUT THEN THAT BUGGED MY HUSBAND. BUT WE TALKED. I'M REALLY IFFY IF I'M GONN AMAKE IT TONIGHT OR NOT. I'M GETTING WASTED.
AND I'D LIKE TO GO GET SOM ESOMEUM. CUZ COLORADO PASSED THE BUZZ LAW.
BUT I DON'T DARE DRIVE IN THIS SITAUTAION. I HAD A NEW PDOC MEETING TODAY WHICH STIRRED ME ALL UP AND I HAD TO SIT WITH MY BACK AGAINST THE DOOR LIKE I AM IN THIS DAMN OFFICE BECUASE THEY CAN'T GET MY LITTLE LAP TOP FIXED.
I HAD A FREIND COME IN TO HELP ME IN THE OFFICE BUT IT DIDN'T HELP. SHE DID SQUAT. I'M SICK OF HIRING IDIOTS FOR 23.00 AN HOR AND NOT GETTING ANYTHING WORTH WHILE.
I TALKE TO MY T AN D SHE SAYS DON'T GO DOWN THE BAD ROAD. THINGS SOMETIMES ARE SOMEWHAT BETTER. YEAH REALLY? WHEN??????????????????????\
IM GONNA QUIT TAKING THE ANTIBIOTICS I HAVE AND THE WOUND WILL FESTER SOME MORE AND THEN WHATEVER.
I WANT TO BE GONE AND MY HUSBAND I AND ARE TYRING TO WORK THINGS OUT BECUASE WE KEEP FIGHTING. AND THEN HE SAYS WHEN THE PERSON SAYS THEY DON'T WANAT TO TALK THEN THAT HAS TO BE A RULE TOO. BESIDES HERE HE'S MY ONLY RESOURCE. NOBODY ELSE GETS MY HEAD AND WHEN I LET THEM IN A LITTLE THEY FREKA OUT.
I THINK I'M JUST GONNA GO AND WEB MD YOU BETTER NOT SEND ME ONE OF YOUR DUMB EMAILS. HOW YO'R SO CONCERNED AND GIVE ME RESOURCES IF I WANT ED TO US E THEM I WOULD! SO THEN BECUASE I'M BEING HATEFUL YOU'LL MAKE IT EVER WORSE AND JUST DELETE ME RIGHT?
CUZ YOU HATE ME BEING HERE !
One day at a time
Reply
 
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lexismom11 responded:
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. I can understand the feeling of wanting to die because I feel that way every day. I don't know why I stick around. I guess I am not much of a help right now because I don't really know what to say that will help you. I am sorry for that. I understand the question you ask, when will things get better because for me it feels like it will never get better. I will always be this way and it makes me feel hopeless and worthless.

I'm also sorry you can't find decent help to get your work done. I wish I could help you in some way.

At least you are making the effort to help yourself. Look, you talked to a crisis worker. Hopefully that helped some. It doesn't sound like it was a big help, but like I said, at least you tried.

Try to have a good night. Get some rest, you probably need it.
 
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Kate_Te replied to lexismom11's response:
(((((((((((BB)))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are suffering. I wish I could just be there by your side & let you vent. I hope you take LM's advice and get a good night's sleep. Your laptop can get fixed, you'll find help for the office and life will get better. A lot slower than you'd like, but it will get better. Just hang in there Bubbles!

If you need to, call that crisis line again! Deep slow breaths. Nothing can be fixed tonight, so just get some much needed rest.
 
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Anon_4264 replied to Kate_Te's response:
Please listen to Lexismom and Kate_Te, they have good advice that I hope you will take. Try to be kind to yourself and try to rest tonight. Hang in there, friend.
 
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off_the_wall replied to Anon_4264's response:
Oops, that was me posting. For some reason my cell phone likes me to post as anonymous.
 
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MandyCake responded:
BB,

I feel your pain dear heart. I hear you. I wish I could be there with you to help you through all of this.

I'm proud of you for deciding not to buzzzzzz drive and for not ...........

Sweet Woman, you will get through this. It SUCKS big time and seems never-ending and I know it's a struggle to keep fighting the fight. I would love to help you, fight with you, by your side.

It sounds as if your hubby is exhausted as well as frustrated. You both need a break from all of the outside stressors so you can work on the internal. Maybe a mini vacation somewhere?

Sending you blankets and buckets of bubbly love.
Bonnie

Please do not give up. I love you and be devastated if you were not here...
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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friedeggs replied to MandyCake's response:
please take care of yourself bb we love you
A best friend is someone who never leaves you when you need them.Someone who never means to hurt you.And is someone who loves you.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear BB,

It's now the next day... how are you doing?

We do not in any way hate you being here. We just know that there's only so much we can do. And we will keep sending those emails because sometimes they do help. You are posting on WebMD and that's all part of being here. ((((softhugs)))) That we care isn't going to change.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
[TRIGGER] knwq lAST night THAT I WAS AT THE CLOSEST I COULD TOLERATE AND TOLD HUBBY THAT I WAS NOT SAFE AND THAT LATER I ASKED HIM TO EUTHANIZE ME SO HE TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL I WAS THER TILL 1230 and he was woke up at 10 and picked me up at and home we went he's not much talking or looking at me and it makes me stirred very much
he went to bed at 7 p.m. and i'm sorry folks but i'm going to torch tonight but good and i'm gonna drink myself into a frickin stupor.
i thought i had did that last night but to no avail. i think they were talking about me when they said she was over the limit by 3 x's i dunno? BETWEEN WHATEVER MY HUSBAND SAID TO THEM AND WHAT I TOLD THEM THEN THEY RELEASED ME SO I'M NOT EVEN FIT ENOUGH TO GET HELP AT A HOSPITAL.
BUT I GUESS IM JUST MEANT TO LIVE IN PAIN AND BE A WORK HORSE THE REST OF MY LIFE AND BE IN PAIN!
MY T I S OVERWHELMED AND SO SHE SHE DIDN'T WRITE ME BACK TILL 630 POOR HER. SHE TALKED TO ME THURS NIGHT TILL 520 AND HTEN SAID SHE HAD TO GO GET HER DAUGHTER. AT LEAST SHE HAS PRIORITIES! I HATE MY NEW PDOC BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH!~ WELL ENOUGH FOR ME. I WANT MY OLD PDOC. SHE TALKED TO ME THIS ONE WAS FACTS AND THAT WAS ALL.IT WAS A TIMED EVENT AND THAT WAS IT! A PHARMACIST IS SUPPOSE TO CALL ME ABOUT MY MEDS AND THINK ABOUT PUTTING ME ON SHOTS AGAIN AND THE COST????? RIGHT NOW SINCE THEY LEGALIZED POT IN COLORADO I'M JUST THINKING THAT ROUTE AND DRINKING. i CAN STILL DO MY UTTMOST JOB! BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I'M SUPPOSE TO DO! I'M SUPPOSE TO WORK HARD AND EARN MONEY AND RETIRE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER ..................HA WHAT A LIE!I TIRED TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE BUT MR GREEN JEANS JUST COULDN'T DO IT HE COULDN'T GIVE UP HIS PERFECTIONISM TO ALLOW ANOTHER PLUMBER TO DO ANYTHING FOR US SO WHO HAS TO SUFFER WE BOTH DO!
I HATE HIM RIGHT NOW! I GAVE UP ON TRYING TO GET HIM TO MAKE A CHANGE AND UNTIL I SAID I WAS GOING TO DIVORCE HIM HE FINALLY CHANGED. NOW HE HATES ME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LIVE. O I KICKED ASS TODAY AS BEST AS I COULD AND I EVEN COOKED DINNER THO WE HAD PLENTY OF FOOD THIS WEEK. MY T SAID O UNLESS ITS BAD I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO HOSPITAL AND SO WE DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT. THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANYBEDS LAST NIGHT SO ONLY THE FREAKED OF THE FREAKED APPARENTLY COULD GO.BECAUSE THEY ONLY WANT TO USE KP APPROVED PLACES WHO GIVE THEM GREEDY *****
ALL TH EMONEY THEY CAN DO WITH BT THEY ARE A NON PROFIT SO I DON'T GET IT? BUT WITH OBAMACARE WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I COULD BE PAYING 3K A MONTH INSTEAD OF 160-.00. I HATE SO MUCH I HATE SO MUCH I HATE SO MUCH I'M JUST SPEWING MY GUTS ALL OUT HERE!
I'VE DECIDED AS POORLY AS THEY TAKE CARE OF YA IN THE MENTAL HOSPITAL THEN I WILL NEVER GO! MY HUSBAND SAID HE'S NOT MAD AT ME BUT HE'S TIRED AND HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TODAY. SO THAT'S FINE. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE AND I'M NOT BRINIGN IT UP ANYMORE. IF HE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT HE CAN. I'M JUST GONNA DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO END THIS LIFE OF HELL. MY DAUGHTER GIVES ME THIS CRAP O HOW SELFISH IT IS AND HOW I WOULD BE LEAVING HER AND PUTTING MYSELF FIRST. WELL ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME I PUT MYSELF FIRST? I'VE ALWAYS SACRAFICED FOR EVERYONE. AND THEN SHE SAYS WHEN I SAID IT SURE WOULD BE NICE TO GO ON VACATION AND SHE SAYS AFTER BEING GONE TO HAWAII FOR 2 WEEKS ONE WEEK FREE BOARD FOR EVERYTHING AND GIFTS LIKE U WOULDN'T BELIEV E THAT I DO THINGS. O YEAH LUNCHS WIHT PEEPS ON OCCASSION! WOW THATS REALLY A VACATION TO TAKE 6 HOURS WHEN I HAD HELP TO MYSELF! WOW! BUT SHE'S MS. GUTROCKS! SHE BETER CHANGE HER FRICKIN ATTITUDE OR I WON'T BE DOING ANYTHING WITH HERTOMORROR OR EVER AGAIN. MY T SAID SHE UNDERESTIMI\ATED HOW HARD HER JOB WOULD BE AS JUST A T INSTEAD OF IN CRISIS GROUP///???????? REALLY???????????????????? WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELL IM OFF TO TORCH MYSELF UP GOOD. LATER AND I'M SURE THIS THO WE CAN HAVE TAZERS IN OUR CHEST AND BE GRAFFIC (NO OFFENSE ANYONE) JUST SAYIN THIS WILL PROB BE DELETED
One day at a time
 
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Kate_Te replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
Bubbles
No words. Just Hugs.
Kate_Te
 
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off_the_wall replied to Kate_Te's response:
((((BB))))) I'm sorry you continue to suffer so much. But your trust in God and know that even when it feels everyone else in your life has let you down, He promises to never leave you or forsake you.
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to off_the_wall's response:
thanks everyone. i don't know why i find life so hard but it always is ................you're right God is there if i seek him
thanks otw for reminding me.
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,

You have much anger inside of you wanting out. Please do not turn it inward towards yourself. If it means screaming, scream. If it means tossing dishes, toss them. But please do not harm you.

I know, as do many others here, how difficult it is to keep up the fight, not to just exist in life but to actually have a chance to live life. It's not fair and is a huge injustice.

Have you ever given thought about writing a local newspaper about what it's like to have MH and how the systems and society treat you? I've done this and yes, the do publish this. My recent tasser even will be going into 2 newspapers and to the State of VT and other organizations that are government sponsored. I'm going to make certain my voice gets heard!

Hugs to you.
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
hey everyone.................so far today no


sh

i had a nice visigt with daughter and helped her out with her relationship situation with chad. don't like the gal i had for pedicure but at least they;re done now!
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
(((((((((BB))))))))))))

So glad you had a good day today. It's about time! What color polish for your pedicure?

Pink?

Gra'
Bonnie
I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie


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