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Big Bad World
Sammurai711 posted:
So I've noticed a pattern lately: Me staying home. No school. No life. Just home.
I think I'm becoming (or am) agorphobic. Part of my is afraid if I do have this issue. But another part cherishes it because I know no matter what or where I go, I think of every possible way to die at that moment. It's driving me nuts, staying home makes me feel like I have control of what happens in my life. I just texted Hero telling him how confused I am, my mom knows alswell, and now, I'm thinking of telling Richard Nixon (My father's name on my phone.. real name is Rich). Myself aswell as everyone else believes he's the reason I have anxiety/depression (which snowballed into many other issues). And I know he's trying to make things right but I know I'll never trust him. Part of me wants to tell him about cutting/suicidal attempt/now agorphobia, that way maybe he'll wake up and realize he did more harm to me than he thought. But if I tell him, there is no untelling him.
I'm not sure if I can take that risk or not.
Kate_Te responded:
Hi Sam -
As an agoraphobic, I can let you know it's not fun. It's nothing you want to wish upon yourself. The social anxiety, the fear for no reason - it really sucks!
Before you do something like tell Richard Nixon (love the name by the way) about your cutting/suicidal attempts, I'd recommend you talk it over with your T. They might be able to help you come up with a way of telling him that will help you, or they may suggest being further along in therapy - I don't know, but I wouldn't make that kind of move without talking it over with my T.
If you really get bad with the suicidal thoughts, call your T or the crisis line! You have way too much to live for & you are definitely worth it.
MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:

I agree with Kate_Te... Please talk this over with your T.

I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie

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