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TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill person
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DOGDANCING_TCOS posted:
  • *****a reality check for all of us. May be had to hear, but important.******

    Kate_te you said:


    Sorry, to bring down this thread, but I don't feel like a light. I feel responsible for BB's incident. If I was only there when she first reached out for me, maybe she wouldn't have drank or smoked pot, maybe she'd have dealt with her issues without the cloud of alcohol, If only I were there.




    This goes for everyone, not Just Kate.


    NO ONE HERE DID ANYTHING TO WORSEN BB'S SITUATION.


    NO ONE HERE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS/DIDN'T HAPPEN TO OTHER BOARD MEMBERS.


    My mother in law died last month. She had severe mental illness and by the time she passed, we were all of course sad to loose her, but all of us were sooooo glad she was no longer at the mercy of her illness. Being witness to a mind ravaged by itself is heartbreaking, to watch it eat up a person till they change into someone else is hard, very hard.


    When you love a fellow human you accept these conditions:


    1. They will die someday.
    2. You can't stop number one.


    When you love a mentally ill person you accept these conditions:


    1. You cannot be the cure for their illness.
    2. You cannot be the cure for their illness.
    3. You cannot be the cure for their illness.
    4. You cannot be the cure for their illness..
    5 You cannot be the cure for their illness.
    6 You cannot be the cure for their illness.


    You cannot be the cure for their illness.


    You can be their friend, you can listen to them, you can encourage them to get help/stay on meds/tell their spouse/do the steps/call for help/etc etc.


    But YOU cannot be the cure for their illness.


    BB would NOT want you to blame yourself for any of this. She doesn't come here to be cured.......she comes here to be able to speak up and out about her issues. She comes here for the freedom to talk about stuff she might not even share with her doc/family.


    What she needs from us is to just listen...not fix...just hear her.


    There is something very comforting about being able to be heard by others who stuggle with similar issues. To just know that we are not alone in the planet.


    I have known a lot of mentally ill people who get on their meds and flourish....then goes off them, and its painful to witness the fall.


    And then there is this.....peek a little deeper into your own psyche and see if this rings true.


    Are you using this as a reason to jab yourself? as in "I am tainted and everyone I love dies/gets hurt/leaves...I must be the reason."


    Children have this magical thinking. That they cause stuff to happen just by being. (Google - magical thinking in children to learn more)


    Most people out grow it. Some of us hang on to that magical thinking into adult hood. I caused this by just being. I stink at being there for others, they get hurt when they know me.


    Nope.


    kate: If I was only there when she first reached out for me, maybe she wouldn't have drank or smoked pot, maybe she'd have dealt with her issues without the cloud of alcohol, If only I were there.


    You were not there. Nor could you have changed things even if you had been there. BB didn't you to stop her. The out come would still have been the same either way. She had already OD by the time she posted. She wasn't asking any of us to do anything other then listen.


    and we did.


    This maybe a glimpse into our own mirrors too. We see ourselves in this situation. (maybe a twinge of jelousy?) check to our guts that perhaps we walked this path ourselves once or even now.


    No matter the outcome of this ...no one here did anything to hurt the situation. If you have to think about this and classify it in your soul. It belongs here....


    "I love a fellow human, who struggles just like I do. I listen and I respond and in doing so I ease both of our journey's on this lives path. Wether we walk a long time together or a short while, I honor that we shared this time and light together."


    Peace be the journey


    Paja
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
    • 12 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill person<li>*****a reality check for all of us. May be had to hear, but important.******<br /><br />Kate_te you said:<br /><br /><br />Sorry, to bring down this thread, but I don't feel like a light. I feel responsible for BB's incident. If I was only there when she first reached out for me, maybe she wouldn't have drank or smoked pot, maybe she'd have dealt with her issues without the cloud of alcohol, If only I were there.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This goes for everyone, not Just Kate.<br /><br /><br />NO ONE HERE DID ANYTHING TO WORSEN BB'S SITUATION.<br /><br /><br />NO ONE HERE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS/DIDN'T HAPPEN TO OTHER BOARD MEMBERS.<br /><br /><br />My mother in law died last month. She had severe mental illness and by the time she passed, we were all of course sad to loose her, but all of us were sooooo glad she was no longer at the mercy of her illness. Being witness to a mind ravaged by itself is heartbreaking, to watch it eat up a person till they change into someone else is hard, very hard.<br /><br /><br />When you love a fellow human you accept these conditions:<br /><br /><br />1. They will die someday.<br />2. You can't stop number one.<br /><br /><br />When you love a mentally ill person you accept these conditions:<br /><br /><br />1. <b><u> You cannot be the cure</u> for their illness.</b><br />2. <b><u> You cannot be the cure</u> for their illness.</b><br />3. <b><u> You cannot be the cure</u> for their illness.</b> <br />4. <b><u> You cannot be the cure</u> for their illness.</b>. <br />5 <b><u> You cannot be the cure</u> for their illness.</b><br />6 <b><u> You cannot be the cure</u> for their illness.</b> <br /><br /><br /><b><u> You</u> cannot <u>be</u> the cure for their illness.</b><br /><b><br /></b><br />You can be their friend, you can listen to them, you can encourage them to get help/stay on meds/tell their spouse/do the steps/call for help/etc etc.<br /><br /><br />But <u>YOU </u>cannot be the cure for their illness.<br /><br /><br />BB would NOT want you to blame yourself for any of this. She doesn't come here to be cured.......she comes here to be able to speak up and out about her issues. She comes here for the freedom to talk about stuff she might not even share with her doc/family. <br /><br /><br />What she needs from us is to just listen...not fix...just hear her.<br /><br /><br />There is something very comforting about being able to be heard by others who stuggle with similar issues. To just know that we are not alone in the planet. <br /><br /><br />I have known a lot of mentally ill people who get on their meds and flourish....then goes off them, and its painful to witness the fall. <br /><br /><br />And then there is this.....peek a little deeper into your own psyche and see if this rings true.<br /><br /><br />Are you using this as a reason to jab yourself? as in "I am tainted and everyone I love dies/gets hurt/leaves...I must be the reason."<br /><br /><br />Children have this magical thinking. That they cause stuff to happen just by being. (Google - magical thinking in children to learn more)<br /><br /><br />Most people out grow it. Some of us hang on to that magical thinking into adult hood. <i>I caused this by just being</i>. I stink at being there for others, they get hurt when they know me.<br /><br /><br />Nope.<br /><br /><br />kate: If I was only there when she first reached out for me, maybe she wouldn't have drank or smoked pot, maybe she'd have dealt with her issues without the cloud of alcohol, If only I were there.<br /><br /><br />You were not there. Nor could you have changed things even if you had been there. BB didn't you to stop her. The out come would still have been the same either way. She had already OD by the time she posted. She wasn't asking any of us to do anything other then listen.<br /><br /><br />and we did.<br /><br /><br />This maybe a glimpse into our own mirrors too. We see ourselves in this situation. (maybe a twinge of jelousy?) check to our guts that perhaps we walked this path ourselves once or even now.<br /><br /><br />No matter the outcome of this ...no one here did anything to hurt the situation. If you have to think about this and classify it in your soul. It belongs here....<br /><br /><br />"I love a fellow human, who struggles just like I do. I listen and I respond and in doing so I ease both of our journey's on this lives path. Wether we walk a long time together or a short while, I honor that we shared this time and light together."<br /><br /><br />Peace be the journey<br /><br /><br />Paja
    Reply
     
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    Kate_Te responded:
    Paja -

    Thank you. I understand what you are saying.

    I do not have magical thinking & do not think I can cure anyone. It was just that BB had asked for me at the beginning of that thread, a day or two before the od, when she was trying not to drink, that is what I feel guilty about. If I had been there for her, It may not have gotten so bad. I know I couldn't have done anything at the end of that thread to help her. It's just I wish I were there at the beginning.

    Kate_Te
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personPaja -<br /><br />Thank you. I understand what you are saying. <br /><br />I do not have magical thinking &amp; do not think I can cure anyone. It was just that BB had asked for me at the beginning of that thread, a day or two before the od, when she was trying not to drink, that is what I feel guilty about. If I had been there for her, It may not have gotten so bad. I know I couldn't have done anything at the end of that thread to help her. It's just I wish I were there at the beginning.<br /><br />Kate_Te
    Reply
     
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    DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to Kate_Te's response:
    not even at the beginning Kate. I have know BB a long time. When off her meds she gets bad, really bad. There is nothing anyone can do to change the pattern short of stripping her of her rights and forcible medicating her/institutionalizing her.

    But to what end?

    She lives her life with grace and stubbornness. She will be who she is despite the illness. The fight we see in her, is her battling with the illness. Someday we may loose her to the illness as we have lost other board members over the years.

    Until them all we can do is listen. that is all she is asking of us.
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personnot even at the beginning Kate. I have know BB a long time. When off her meds she gets bad, really bad. There is nothing anyone can do to change the pattern short of stripping her of her rights and forcible medicating her/institutionalizing her.<br /><br />But to what end? <br /><br />She lives her life with grace and stubbornness. She will be who she is despite the illness. The fight we see in her, is her battling with the illness. Someday we may loose her to the illness as we have lost other board members over the years. <br /><br />Until them all we can do is listen. that is all she is asking of us.
    Reply
     
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    Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Dear Kate,

    BB was on her own path. You, nor anyone, can be there for another person 24/7. It's just not feasible and it likely wouldn't have made a difference this time.

    Please be kinder to yourself. Re the other thread, yes, I consider YOU to be one of those lights. You really are. We see it and know you have helped so many so often here. Please help yourself now.
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personDear Kate,<br /><br />BB was on her own path. You, nor anyone, can be there for another person 24/7. It's just not feasible and it likely wouldn't have made a difference this time. <br /><br />Please be kinder to yourself. Re the other thread, yes, I consider YOU to be one of those lights. You really are. We see it and know you have helped so many so often here. Please help yourself now.
    Reply
     
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    Kate_Te replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Thank you Paja & Caprice.
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personThank you Paja &amp; Caprice.
    Reply
     
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    bubbles_bobble replied to Kate_Te's response:
    KATE TE


    YOU ARE ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF! I HOPE IF ANYTHING THAT MY CRAPPY IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR HAS SHOWN IS THAT WE DO EFFECT OTHERS.

    JUST BECAUSE I REACHED OUT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAD A MAGICAL ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DO NOT EVER FEEL YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OK. THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE HERE.
    I DIDN'T SMOKE POT AND I DIDN'T DRINK THAT MUCH THE NIGHT OF THE INCIDENT FROM WHAT THE TOXICOLOGY REPORTS SAID. WEIRD THO!

    O KATE TE AND OTW AND PAJA AND BONNIE AND KATE AND DEM AND ALL MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY I AM SO SORRY THAT THINGS GOT SO UNBEARABLE FOR ME THAT I HAD TO TRY TO END IT. I HOPE YOU READ THIS TONIGHT AND YA'LL FEEL BETTER.
    I PROFUSUELY APOLOGIZE FOR WRITING WHATEVER I WROTE. ITS ALL KINDA A BLUR AND I'M SURE IT WAS DELETED AND ALSO I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK WARD SO I'M NOT GOING TO SEARCH FOR IT.

    PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY FOR HURTING EVERYONE HERE. YOU KNOW WHEN WE GET IN OUR CRAZY PLACES THINGS JUST DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

    I LOVE YOU GALS AND I'M VERY SORRY FOR THE HURT AND ANXIETY I CAUSSED EVERYONE. I LOOK FOR COMFORT FROM YOU, I LOOK FOR HELP IN GUIDING ME THRU DIFFICULT TIMES, I SAY THINGS THAT I CAN'T SAY ANYWHERE ELSE ITS WHAT WE DO...............

    I JUST AM TRYING NOT TO BEAT MYSELF UP ALL OVER AGAIN AND DO WORSE HARM BECAUSE I FEEL SO BADLY THAT I HURT YA';LL. YOU WOMEN MEAN A LOT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORDS CANNOT SAY HOW I FEEL ABOUT YA'LL. SLEEP TIGHT KATE TE AND EVERYONE ..................I KNOW WHERE I'M HEADED ..... TO BED
    One day at a time
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personKATE TE<br /> <br /> <br />YOU ARE ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF! I HOPE IF ANYTHING THAT MY CRAPPY IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR HAS SHOWN IS THAT WE DO EFFECT OTHERS. <br /> <br />JUST BECAUSE I REACHED OUT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAD A MAGICAL ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DO NOT EVER FEEL YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OK. THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE HERE.<br />I DIDN'T SMOKE POT AND I DIDN'T DRINK THAT MUCH THE NIGHT OF THE INCIDENT FROM WHAT THE TOXICOLOGY REPORTS SAID. WEIRD THO!<br /> <br />O KATE TE AND OTW AND PAJA AND BONNIE AND KATE AND DEM AND ALL MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY I AM SO SORRY THAT THINGS GOT SO UNBEARABLE FOR ME THAT I HAD TO TRY TO END IT. I HOPE YOU READ THIS TONIGHT AND YA'LL FEEL BETTER.<br />I PROFUSUELY APOLOGIZE FOR WRITING WHATEVER I WROTE. ITS ALL KINDA A BLUR AND I'M SURE IT WAS DELETED AND ALSO I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK WARD SO I'M NOT GOING TO SEARCH FOR IT.<br /> <br />PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY FOR HURTING EVERYONE HERE. YOU KNOW WHEN WE GET IN OUR CRAZY PLACES THINGS JUST DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.<br /> <br />I LOVE YOU GALS AND I'M VERY SORRY FOR THE HURT AND ANXIETY I CAUSSED EVERYONE. I LOOK FOR COMFORT FROM YOU, I LOOK FOR HELP IN GUIDING ME THRU DIFFICULT TIMES, I SAY THINGS THAT I CAN'T SAY ANYWHERE ELSE ITS WHAT WE DO...............<br /> <br />I JUST AM TRYING NOT TO BEAT MYSELF UP ALL OVER AGAIN AND DO WORSE HARM BECAUSE I FEEL SO BADLY THAT I HURT YA';LL. YOU WOMEN MEAN A LOT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORDS CANNOT SAY HOW I FEEL ABOUT YA'LL. SLEEP TIGHT KATE TE AND EVERYONE ..................I KNOW WHERE I'M HEADED ..... TO BED
    Reply
     
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    lexismom11 replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
    I'm glad to hear that you are ok and back home. Get a good nights rest and worry about everything else tomorrow.
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personI'm glad to hear that you are ok and back home. Get a good nights rest and worry about everything else tomorrow.
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    Kate_Te replied to lexismom11's response:
    Bubbles -
    I'm happy you are home. I hope you are feeling better. You gotta remember, I'm crazy too, so even when I know it's not my fault, I'll feel like it's my fault. That's on me, not you. I'm just happy to have my friend back.
    Kate_Te
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personBubbles -<br />I'm happy you are home. I hope you are feeling better. You gotta remember, I'm crazy too, so even when I know it's not my fault, I'll feel like it's my fault. That's on me, not you. I'm just happy to have my friend back.<br />Kate_Te
    Reply
     
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    MandyCake responded:
    Paja,

    Very well written and accurate. I love our family. I love that we share idea's and suggestions so we can try to ease (not cure) our pain. I love our family. I love that we support each other. I love our family. I love that we can understand each other. I love our family. I love how sometimes, even in silence, we comfort each other. I love our family. I love how we embrace our differences. I love our family. I love how we share laughter and inspiration. I love our family...

    In Harmony,
    Bonnie
    I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personPaja,<br /> <br />Very well written and accurate. I love our family. I love that we share idea's and suggestions so we can try to ease (not cure) our pain. I love our family. I love that we support each other. I love our family. I love that we can understand each other. I love our family. I love how sometimes, even in silence, we comfort each other. I love our family. I love how we embrace our differences. I love our family. I love how we share laughter and inspiration. I love our family...<br /> <br />In Harmony,<br />Bonnie
    Reply
     
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    bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
    love our family too. kate te i know i would have felt the same way had it happened to you. it is just our sic thinking. are you ok?
    One day at a time
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill person<i>love our family too. kate te i know i would have felt the same way had it happened to you. it is just our sic thinking. are you ok?</i>
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    Kate_Te replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
    I'm ok bb, just glad you are. Right now my stress is coming from S.I.L. at my brothers for thanksgiving - just want to go home. But I go to my father's on sunday for my birthday, then therapy on monday. just want to curl up in bed & be left alone.
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personI'm ok bb, just glad you are. Right now my stress is coming from S.I.L. at my brothers for thanksgiving - just want to go home. But I go to my father's on sunday for my birthday, then therapy on monday. just want to curl up in bed &amp; be left alone.
    Reply
     
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    bubbles_bobble replied to Kate_Te's response:
    I'M SORRY KATE TE. I WILL PRAY FOR A QUICK SUNDAY FOR YOU!. HAPPY BIRTHDAY THO. SOMETIMES WE DO NEED TO TAKE A QUICK TIME OUT AND CURL UP IN BED AND BE LEFT ALONE SO WE DON'T HURT OURSELVES.

    WE WILL DEFINETELY HAVE TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY BASH.
    WHAT KIND O F CYBER CELEBRATION WOULD YOU LIKE?
    One day at a time
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personI'M SORRY KATE TE. I WILL PRAY FOR A QUICK SUNDAY FOR YOU!. HAPPY BIRTHDAY THO. SOMETIMES WE DO NEED TO TAKE A QUICK TIME OUT AND CURL UP IN BED AND BE LEFT ALONE SO WE DON'T HURT OURSELVES. <br /> <br />WE WILL DEFINETELY HAVE TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY BASH.<br />WHAT KIND O F CYBER CELEBRATION WOULD YOU LIKE?
    Reply
     
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    MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Kate_Te,

    I will pray that the time passes quickly so you can be home all curled up and snuggled in the comfort of your bed.

    When you feel better we can celebrate your birthday. Deal?

    In the meantime, take care of you.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie
    I have acheived my dream of being a kyte, for a single day, riding the wind. The anchors that held me down lifted... I was set free.. Now my journey of healing is possible. Gra' Bonnie
    Report This| Share this:TRIGGER-for all of us-loving a mentally ill personKate_Te,<br /> <br />I will pray that the time passes quickly so you can be home all curled up and snuggled in the comfort of your bed.<br /> <br />When you feel better we can celebrate your birthday. Deal?<br /> <br />In the meantime, take care of you.<br /> <br />Hugs,<br />Bonnie
    Reply


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