Self Harm Community

I feel as if I'm drowning and I do not want to fight it, I want to just let go. I'm back to where I was a few months ago. Same thing, different time, different place and different players but still the same crap.

Housing: You all know the issues I have had with housing and my "rights" and my "Lease" being violated. It continues on here at my new place. Male tenant sexually harrasses me, (He has done so to other women in the building who reported it as well) he and other tenants blocking the doors open (It's supposed to be a secured building), or in some cases recently, Have 3 times not only told people I lived here, they let them into the building and brought them to my apartment! This is a smoke free property and it's in my lease as being smoke free yet housing is not only allowing smoking, they are encouraging it. They even put in a little bus stop like smoking hut in front of the building which seldom gets used. This is a new building but you would not know it with kids riding bikes in the hallways, food and toys everywhere, rotten food, spilled drinks and lets not forget the kids who urinate in the hallways and in the elevator or vomit and the parents just leave it there. Or the kids playing with our door buzzers. Housing refuses to do anything and even went so far as to comment to me that the male tenant is only concerned about me thinking I am depressed and then she, the housing manager, had the balls to ask me who my service worker was, assuming that a friend who was visiting was a mental health person! I went above her head and was redirected right back to her, her boss refusing to intervene. I went to the STATE and they stated: "They were only concerned about whether or not I had smoke detector, smoke alarm and fire extinquisher. They did not care about anything else." My Psych tells me: Huh, maybe you should consider moving. My T has made the comment: well that's to be expected in public housing and I need to pick my battles. Once again they all invalidate me. They all act as if I am the problem. Once again I do not matter. In Stepps today one of the C's there even suggested that if I worked more on my "head" I may find my physical disabilities go away... He was implying my real physical disabilities are in my head. So why should I continue going to see them? Why should I trust them? I would have been better off had I stayed with my abusive ex because maybe then I would be dead by now and not have to keep reliving not only the past, but this present crap again and again... I wish that tomorrow the world would end... Yes, I did call the hotlines, no one answered. So why bother... I was able to find a place that sold the knives I like and to heck with them all. I intend to revert back to my own coping mechanisms, until the day comes when I do not have to cope at all.