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    MandyCake posted:
    I feel as if I'm drowning and I do not want to fight it, I want to just let go. I'm back to where I was a few months ago. Same thing, different time, different place and different players but still the same crap.

    Housing: You all know the issues I have had with housing and my "rights" and my "Lease" being violated. It continues on here at my new place. Male tenant sexually harrasses me, (He has done so to other women in the building who reported it as well) he and other tenants blocking the doors open (It's supposed to be a secured building), or in some cases recently, Have 3 times not only told people I lived here, they let them into the building and brought them to my apartment! This is a smoke free property and it's in my lease as being smoke free yet housing is not only allowing smoking, they are encouraging it. They even put in a little bus stop like smoking hut in front of the building which seldom gets used. This is a new building but you would not know it with kids riding bikes in the hallways, food and toys everywhere, rotten food, spilled drinks and lets not forget the kids who urinate in the hallways and in the elevator or vomit and the parents just leave it there. Or the kids playing with our door buzzers. Housing refuses to do anything and even went so far as to comment to me that the male tenant is only concerned about me thinking I am depressed and then she, the housing manager, had the balls to ask me who my service worker was, assuming that a friend who was visiting was a mental health person! I went above her head and was redirected right back to her, her boss refusing to intervene. I went to the STATE and they stated: "They were only concerned about whether or not I had smoke detector, smoke alarm and fire extinquisher. They did not care about anything else." My Psych tells me: Huh, maybe you should consider moving. My T has made the comment: well that's to be expected in public housing and I need to pick my battles. Once again they all invalidate me. They all act as if I am the problem. Once again I do not matter. In Stepps today one of the C's there even suggested that if I worked more on my "head" I may find my physical disabilities go away... He was implying my real physical disabilities are in my head. So why should I continue going to see them? Why should I trust them? I would have been better off had I stayed with my abusive ex because maybe then I would be dead by now and not have to keep reliving not only the past, but this present crap again and again... I wish that tomorrow the world would end... Yes, I did call the hotlines, no one answered. So why bother... I was able to find a place that sold the knives I like and to heck with them all. I intend to revert back to my own coping mechanisms, until the day comes when I do not have to cope at all.
    All of the flowers, of all of our tomorrows, are found in the seeds of today. Plant them well, nurish them, nurture them, keep them safe and watch how beautifully they will bloom.
    Kate_Te responded:
    Bonnie -
    I understand your frustrations. I have therapists telling me to adjust my feelings, that I can just think about something and feel differently about it. That doesn't work for me. I can intellectualize that I am safe, but that doesn't effect how I feel.

    I really hope you will keep fighting the housing department. There has to be someone there or a state representative that could help you with your issues.

    As far as the Steppes counselor, I would go to his supervisor and explain what happened & demand an apology. Don't stop fighting to get better, just because idiots are in your way! Hang in there Bonnie, You are worth fighting for.

    Big Hugs
    MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Thank you Kate_Te.

    Why do YOU need to adjust your feelings to their specifications? What makes their way of feeling right and your way of feeling wrong? In reality, no one is safe. Logic dictates that something can occur at anytime to anyone.

    The idea of being safe, feeling safe is a perception, an illusion created by each person to bring them a sense of security and comfort.

    I'll try Kate_Te. You keep on trying too, okay? Do not let them convince you that your thoughts and feelings are distorted and that theirs are not.

    Thank you for the Big Hugs, I'll take them and give you back some snuggle time....


    PS: If I do move again, I am thinking Saratoga or somewhere around that area...
    Believe nothing and question everything. Trust no one and rely only on yourself. You are born alone and you die alone.
    Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
    Bonnie -
    Thanks. XO
    Saratoga is a nice area & Saratoga County Public Housing isn't that bad (compared to Albany or Schenectady County). I do know that Saratoga County Department of Social Services was the nicest, cleanest & fastest DSS I have ever dealt with.
    I hope you have a peaceful evening!
    bubbles_bobble replied to Kate_Te's response:
    hey ladies
    i hope both of you are in bed sleeping peacefully and having thoughts of sugar plums dancing in your heads!
    I am really sorry i haven't been here for ya'll. i've been fighting battles too but of different nature to a certain extent. i see more than i used to but in a good way.
    Something that aa taught me is that i have my part in everything i am involved in. This is true whatever that part is.
    whether it be my direct involvement or indirect involvement.
    I think that how we think about things is key. You can remind me btw that My thinking often is skewed. what i'm saying here is taht I am trying to validate you see ohter post bonnie. Because i realize that its not all in your head! I'm concerned that ya'll might be spirallying more because of others. I don't want that to happen! why? BECAUSE I CARE! DANG IT I CARE! I DO!
    So for now I will leave you peace my peace i give you as they say in the catholic sermons. ha ha. just can't seem to shake that. lol.

    We are whatever we choose to be in the moment and its all moments strung togheter! Love you ladies.......I knew a man once that had ms. Hey was my neighboor and he did die younger than his life expectancy. however, he went to a pain clinic and was able to somehow learn to deal better. Wish i had that kind of experience!!!!!!
    anyway what i'm saying is that for some folks they can and do live more comfortably than Us. I'm sorry ya'll hurting right now and do wish ya'll comfort, peace and no pain of any kind emotionally or physically. As i sit her typing and having shingles pain! growl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i get it i really do. well goodnight for now. take care
    One day at a time
    MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
    Thank you BB,

    I am praying that your shingles leave you and take the pain with them and that equally get rest.

    Believe nothing and question everything. Trust no one and rely only on yourself. You are born alone and you die alone.

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