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MandyCake posted:
In case there is any question.... This is a magor trigger.....

I'm back to where I was over a month ago. I am so sick of being invalidated, patronized, and made to feel as if I do not matter. The same BS, over and over... the only change is in the place, time, and players. All else repeats. Housing, Men, Psych, T, Stepps, all of it. I'm fed up with their lies. I am just a business, a paycheck and I do not delude myself to think otherwise. Fake caring, fake praise... as Dem would say, it is what it is...

Housing violates my rights and my lease and my psych states... maybe I should move... My T says, well, it's to be expected it is public housing. I should pick my battles. They not only invalidate me, they make me feel that I am the problem... I do not matter...

In Stepps, they want us to believe that our thoughts are distorted. That I need to learn to regulate my thoughts and emotions. BS. My thoughts are based in the reality of what I know to be the truth. And my emotions... Screw them. I'm better off when I disassociate or numb the emotions. What good are they really. The male leader of the Stepps group even went so far as to insinuate my very real physical issues are in my head and would resolve themselves once my thinking process improved!

I'm ready to toss in the towel and just give up. History has shown me I can only rely on myself.
All of the flowers, of all of our tomorrows, are found in the seeds of today. Plant them well, nurish them, nurture them, keep them safe and watch how beautifully they will bloom.
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friedeggs responded:
dont give up. you have come to far and you did it yourself.you dont need them to make you who you are, i so can relate to everything you are saying, but you have mad head way since you been here, please dont throw ut away because then they win again and that is not fair you deserve better, i have to love you
Healthy relationship ingredients: Love without fear. Trust without wondering. Be there without restrictions. Accept someone without wanting to change them...
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to friedeggs's response:
Just wanna say that I understand what you're saying >>......
When I first went into therapy i had the starts with the first letter of that word and i couldn't get it outta my head. i hurt and that is all i concentrated on. Bonnie................Do you believe that God is #1 in your life?
I am getting close to believing that. Because I have been working on this for quiet a while and really it began as a child lost it and then found it at 30ish and lost it and now as i turned 50 3 yrs ago i went on another quest and found it. I still have a hard time not putting my husband first but I know that God is #1.
The reason i write this is because I have come thru this terrible illness of shingles still have some and knee pain that has worsened from not being able to do walking and get around and feeling so sick i couldn't do anything. and then the flu since the day before thanksgivng or something that made me urp and the other end until about a week and half ago. and then the pink eye. still have it virally but getting rid of it. listening to neighboors barking dog and can barely stand it.
headphones!

anyway................I have found you to be a most literal kinda gal. You take things in their rawest form and make that what raw really looks like. Does that make sense? I am a raw kinda thinker too however recently since i got sick and because of my third degree burn i am doing better. i am realizing that nothing is to large that God cannot take careof it. Me my friend from here Kim who lies in a hospital bed fighting fo rher life Literally!
I want you to know I care and I'm sorry that its taken me a while to write. I just haven't had time so much ha[ppening.

I will write more to you tomorrow but hang on please.......... you
've made a strong come back and nobody is worth throwing that away. things do come and go out of our life an dyou and i and everyone here has to remember that we have had decent if not good times and that it will not always be what it is right now because that is impossible. OK cuz you have been having a pretty decent time right? until up to when these most current events happened.

So i'm asking you to just ignore for now what has happened. You don't have to give it any validity...............you don't have to validate anyone but yourself!

for now its just me................ok
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to friedeggs's response:
Thank You Dem,

I made it this far because of you all here, not because of anyone else. I can count on you all, I am not judged by any of you, I am loved by you all. So for you all, I will not do the big S but I can not promise not to SH, Okay?

Love you too.
Believe nothing and question everything. Trust no one and rely only on yourself. You are born alone and you die alone.
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
Thank You Fran,

Yes, I do believe in God and commune with God each and every day, several times throughout the day.

I was able to sleep having taken my meds last evening and God spoke to me. God has given me more tools I can utilize in my fight against housing: Disability Rights Vermont, Vermont Commission on women, and Legal Aid. So I will keep fighting for it seems that is what God wants me to do.

Thank you so much for being you.

Gra'
Bonnie
Believe nothing and question everything. Trust no one and rely only on yourself. You are born alone and you die alone.
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
bon James bon! hee hee

you are a trouper! you are James Bon! you can fight yourelf out of anything! like james bond. This is wat i call my aunt bonnie james bon! you remind me of her she's very pretty like you and Godly!

I'm so proud of you bonnie! You are being your own best advocate. and while i have a husband i too have to be my own advocate because he only does a teeny tiny bit on that front. you are our family and you must stay attuned. i am the jedi. i am the commander. lol. hey just a little mayan humour.

actually i feel quiet sick because i have a terrible sore throat and my ears hurt and have ahead and nose full. ugh! i can't believe i keep getting sick! i'm really tired of this.! o well. it is what it is. right. so deal says me to me! and you to you. i mean in all things that can be dealt!

when i'm not feeling good like you and kate te i know how hard it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i understand where you're coming from! I appreciate you! and kate te and everyone on here.dem, kate, otw dd kitty sk everyone that i've missed. sorry if i missed you

i feel great happiness for you saying thanks for being me. wow!

that speaks volumes to me! thanks for being you too!

well i have a meetin gin 15 mins. that i have to get ready for. later. gator. hang tough
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,

You are a gem. Thank you for the laughter but now I have James Bond music in my head. lol.

Your immune system is on overload trying to fight all and it needs help. I hope your pdoc gets it together soon. Maybe and IV cocktail with stronger antibiodics and fluids added in. The cocktail mix because it is the holiday.

Take Care of You.

I am baking apple strussell, gotta run soon.

Gra'
Bonnie
Believe nothing and question everything. Trust no one and rely only on yourself. You are born alone and you die alone.
 
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Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
Bonnie,
I'm starting walking now. Save me a piece of that stussell.
Kate_Te
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to Kate_Te's response:
o dang i'm suppose to have my hair done tomorrow. yeah i want strussell too! wow. that stuff is really hard to make! you must be a gourmet cook! Wow I'm really impressed bon!

did you get the music outta your head. i hope so.
hey looky there kate te is moving out of her apt. and walkin to get strussell.
gnite everyone
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
Should I meet you half way? Bundle up cause Baby it's Cold Outside...

Hugs to you.
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

Gra'
Bonnie
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
I did finally get the music out of my head by watching very funny christmas show called: Christmas in Handcuffs... A waitress kidnaps a male customer to take home for christmas so her parents will get off her back about not being in a relationship. My goodness, it was so funny, I'm watching it again!

Hugs,
Bonnie.
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

Gra'
Bonnie
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
thats funny bon! laugh dear sweetie pie! That's great you found something you like that makes you laugh! that's key for all this stress this time of year!
One day at a time
 
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MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
I found another funny movie called: But I'm a Cheerleader. Wild...


Gra'
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

Gra'
Bonnie


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