Hi everyone I hope you had a Great Christmas/Hannauka/Kwanza/Winter Solstice. I have been having serious Suicidal Ideation lately. In my dreams, when I'm alone, whenever - nooses, chopping off bodie parts, doing my wrists right (3 vertical), etc. I don't know what brought it on & I can't seem to get rid of it. No action yet, but some of it looks pretty promising. Any advice would help. Thanks, Kate_Te
I am so sorry you are struggling. I find what works for me is knowing you all are here. You all help to talk me down when I get into this place of darkness. You all give me a reason to keep fighting. Just by listening. By allowing me to pour out all that is in me and happening around me. By being compassionate and caring and supportive and not judging.
Until you can get to your T or Pdoc, if you can, as soon as these thoughts hit, try to immediately distract yourself, counting, saying abc's, recite a rhythme and then once you've switched your thinking, try to engage in a physical distraction. Art? Writing? Put all of the thoughts into the art, into the writing.... get them out of you. and if you must... call crisis, peer line, go to the hospital if it means keeping you safe.
Thanks Bonnie & Dem - I don't know whats wrong with me. I keep getting these images - I distract, they come back. I don't see my T until 1/2 & my Pdoc til February. I don't want to tell anyone, because I don't want inpatient. They are just images, I don't have any strong urge to act on them. Besides, I don't even have a rope (the noose is the strongest image). I just hate this crap.
Still Snowing at least a foot & a half here. I'll try to figure out what the meaning is of my images. In the meantime, wanna here a stupid story about my regular doctor? I called to get a refill on my coumadin (I have an artificial aortic valve & need the coumadin so nothing clots on it). The receptionist there says "well you haven't been in for over a year, you need to come in first". I explained without this prescription I die. So she excuses herself comes back and says I left a note for your doctor. I asked if my doctor was in today she says No. I explain again to her that without this medicine I die, not slowly, I just die. Had to force her to give it to the doctor on call. Ah....stupidity I love it.
Kate_Te, good job standing up for yourself and making it clear to the receptionist that you need your prescription refilled immediately. As for the images, I wish I had some good advice for you (my advice would be the same as Bonnie's, to try to distract when you have them), but I can tell you I get these images in my head pretty often as well even though I don't have a desire to act on them. I know how scary they are. I'm pretty sure if you tell your T about them and make it clear you have no immediate plans to act on them, they will not try to get you to go inpatient.
Arrogence and Ignorance... yup... shaking my head at this. This person needs to educated a wee bit more me thinks...
So did the doc on call get it for you? Definately document this so when you do see your doc you make your doc aware... it may have been a 'stupid' mistake for the receptionist but could have been a deadly one for you.
Doctor called in script this morning. I am never surprised by the stupidity of doctor office personnel. I've been on this med since 1974 and this happens at least once per year. Oh well, I guess I have to take exploding aorta off of my suicide list.
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