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    Kate_Te posted:
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    Hi everyone I hope you had a Great Christmas/Hannauka/Kwanza/Winter Solstice. I have been having serious Suicidal Ideation lately. In my dreams, when I'm alone, whenever - nooses, chopping off bodie parts, doing my wrists right (3 vertical), etc. I don't know what brought it on & I can't seem to get rid of it. No action yet, but some of it looks pretty promising.
    Any advice would help. Thanks,
    Kate_Te
    Reply
     
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    friedeggs responded:
    when is the next time you see your t or pdoc? if it is not anytime soon then please go to the er and talk to someone,maybe it is something as easy as your meds, i will check in when i get up love you
    ~ Live in faith and expect the best. Through every trial, God will make sure you come out better than before.~
     
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    MandyCake responded:
    Kate_Te,

    I am so sorry you are struggling. I find what works for me is knowing you all are here. You all help to talk me down when I get into this place of darkness. You all give me a reason to keep fighting. Just by listening. By allowing me to pour out all that is in me and happening around me. By being compassionate and caring and supportive and not judging.

    Until you can get to your T or Pdoc, if you can, as soon as these thoughts hit, try to immediately distract yourself, counting, saying abc's, recite a rhythme and then once you've switched your thinking, try to engage in a physical distraction.
    Art? Writing? Put all of the thoughts into the art, into the writing.... get them out of you. and if you must... call crisis, peer line, go to the hospital if it means keeping you safe.

    Big Hugs to you,
    Bonnie
    Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

    Gra'
    Bonnie
     
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    Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
    Thanks Bonnie & Dem -
    I don't know whats wrong with me. I keep getting these images - I distract, they come back. I don't see my T until 1/2 & my Pdoc til February. I don't want to tell anyone, because I don't want inpatient. They are just images, I don't have any strong urge to act on them. Besides, I don't even have a rope (the noose is the strongest image). I just hate this crap.
     
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    MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Kate_Te,

    Is it possible these "images" is your subconscious sending you messages? Not about dying... but like the noose... What in your present is making you feel suffocated, strangled, tied down?

    Write down everything you see in these images and everything your senses pick up. It's sort of like analyzing our dreams and finding the hidden messages within them.

    Maybe this will help?

    How's the snow? Still falling here. We have over a foot currently.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie
    Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

    Gra'
    Bonnie
     
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    Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
    Still Snowing at least a foot & a half here. I'll try to figure out what the meaning is of my images. In the meantime, wanna here a stupid story about my regular doctor? I called to get a refill on my coumadin (I have an artificial aortic valve & need the coumadin so nothing clots on it). The receptionist there says "well you haven't been in for over a year, you need to come in first". I explained without this prescription I die. So she excuses herself comes back and says I left a note for your doctor. I asked if my doctor was in today she says No. I explain again to her that without this medicine I die, not slowly, I just die. Had to force her to give it to the doctor on call. Ah....stupidity I love it.
     
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    off_the_wall replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Kate_Te, good job standing up for yourself and making it clear to the receptionist that you need your prescription refilled immediately. As for the images, I wish I had some good advice for you (my advice would be the same as Bonnie's, to try to distract when you have them), but I can tell you I get these images in my head pretty often as well even though I don't have a desire to act on them. I know how scary they are. I'm pretty sure if you tell your T about them and make it clear you have no immediate plans to act on them, they will not try to get you to go inpatient.
     
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    MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Kate_Te,

    Arrogence and Ignorance... yup... shaking my head at this. This person needs to educated a wee bit more me thinks...

    So did the doc on call get it for you? Definately document this so when you do see your doc you make your doc aware... it may have been a 'stupid' mistake for the receptionist but could have been a deadly one for you.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie
    Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

    Gra'
    Bonnie
     
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    Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
    They didn't call in the script. Maybe I'll just stop taking it & solve all my problems.
     
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    MandyCake replied to Kate_Te's response:
    Kate_Te,

    You have got to be $#@! me. OMG, are they idiots... Life or Death medication is usually needed for um like... duh.... Life... or... death....

    I would be calling them back and screaming into the phone!

    And we are the ones with "issues," we are the ones with "mental Illness?" I'm so sick of this world. ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    Try to keep calling them... why? Because to us, you are more than worth it!

    Gra'
    Bonnie
    Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

    Gra'
    Bonnie
     
    avatar
    Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
    Doctor called in script this morning. I am never surprised by the stupidity of doctor office personnel. I've been on this med since 1974 and this happens at least once per year.
    Oh well, I guess I have to take exploding aorta off of my suicide list.
     
    avatar
    Kate_Te replied to off_the_wall's response:
    Thanks, OTW -
    I'm sorry I didn't see your response earlier. I'll be honest with my T on the 2nd. In the meantime, just keep distracting & hoping for the best.


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