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I don't exactly know what is going on.trigger for some people
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leanie98 posted:
Like i said i don't exactly what is going on with me right now.It is not pretty It is ugly thoughts in my head. I am back some will not know some will know me.Has been a long long time


I am thinking of sui so strongly the ugly thoughts in my head I cant seem to get them out They are extremely strong like that monster in your head that seems to lurk around.It never seems to go away.You live with it in some capacity your whole life but this is the kicker.Why is it so strong that it seems to be taking me completely over.It is very scary.I have been having dreams of it and waking up wanting to just go do sui with out a care in my head.It is like the devil on one side and the angel on the other Only the devil part is almost winning and seems stronger with thought.what the heck can i do this is not getting easier.Why does this happen to alot of us.Is this for life because for me so far the thought is always in the back but this is STRONG! The self harm has been strong too.It has been a mess.Please Help.I need some kind words. Thank you so much for listening to me i really do appreciate it.
Reply
 
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MandyCake responded:
leanie,

I understand this. I have struggled 45 years with this. I can not answer as to why this happens to us and if it is for life.. I only know that in most cases, we are a product of our environments, chemical, biological, genetic, physiological circumstance.

I used to keep a dream journal and think I will do so again. Our dreams sort of reflect our waking world and how we feel in reaction to it and what is going on around us. This may help.

You may also wish to view the DBT/CBT help sites for ideas on how to lesson the impact of these emotions and thoughts.

Can you review back to what was the trigger that has made this more pronounced for you?

In Harmony,
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

Gra'
Bonnie
 
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Kate_Te replied to MandyCake's response:
Leanie -
I understand your issue too. I have been haveing serious suicidal ideation since around Thanksgiving. I wake up and want to do it, I go to sleep & picture it. I will be talking to my T about it on Wednesday. I just keep distracting. Find something you can do & concentrate on when these thoughts come up. Anything works, even housework as long as you concentrate on it. I wish I had the answer as to why. Like Bonnie says, there has to have been a trigger, but I cant identify mine. I hope you have better luck with yours.

When all else fails, got to dbtselfhelp.com & watch the mindfullness videos - they really help.
 
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slik_kitty responded:
hugs my bff. you've been so cheerful and happy when we talk. don't hide things from me. you have alot going on with you now. health issues and family issues will just add to the depression that already exists. i know you don't like psych meds, but you need to be on some antidepressants, if you aren't taking any now. if i had some happy pills i would give them to you. you're my bff and i don't like to see you hurting. i wish i had the money to come out and help you. huge hugs
 
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snowyowl33 responded:
Hi Leanie,

Good to see you again, but sorry to hear your struggling so. As the others have said, distraction distraction distraction.....read, write, colour, paint, sing, take pictures, go for walks, make a collage from pictures you find in magazines to get out the things your feeling in a constructive non harming way.... Take cold showers, smell fragrant lavender, drink soothing herbal teas to quiet the noise, find peace in nature, and get as much good quality sleep as you can.

Kitty knows you well, hear her kind words.... we are here for you, you are not alone....I am sending you a little smile...

<-------- Kitty attempting to dance!!! hahahahahahahahaha.......


hugs
Snowy
 
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bubbles_bobble replied to snowyowl33's response:
leanie,
hi. I'll tell ya its real hard having the kind of thoughts you're having for sure! Sometimes I have to put a picture of a stop sign in my head and then remind myself as to why I do want to live. What is worthwhile. We just went thru 365 days and as with any of us some are real bad and others are good, ok. acceptable. Are there any better moments times you had this past year or years that you liked? Perhaps you can focus on that too the good times.
You've been away for a long time yes and I can only hope with that that you did find some peace.
I think the mindfulness on dbtselfhelp.com is excellent ....now on the dbt sight is some cbt too. What have you found to be most helpful? in your trial and errors?
This is Fran btw. I have remained but had to change my name. Keep writting here if it helps. I hope you got a giggle out of snowy on the post above mine! I sure did!
Keep reaching out
One day at a time


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