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I just need to say
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off_the_wall posted:
So I know everyone is hurting (on different levels) from the loss of our moderators and that I'm not alone--- but I just feel so unheard and like my feelings are being completely invalidated. WebMD writes one cold response and then copies and pastes it twice on the board and in response to each e-mail that was sent. I e-mailed back with further questions but have not heard back from them and probably will not. Then to further the feelings of invalidation, I see all kinds of posts by my friends here saying things like, "We just need to move on... don't discuss the missing mods anymore... leave that in the past and get back to discussing why we are here..." Well, I'm sorry but I guess I am here because I have major issues when it comes to dealing with things like this. The other day I posted that I couldn't take this and even though I haven't SHed since June I didn't think it would last. Dem was the only person who bothered to respond (or felt safe enough to respond) and then Georgia felt it necessary to post her little copy and paste response on my thread too. Caprice would have cared how I felt. But no, I'm not supposed to discuss Caprice anymore. I'm supposed to just move on. I know this is just the internet and she was just a moderator not a therapist, but she was the ONLY professional support I had in my life. I say professional support because she was getting paid to do what she was doing. I have major issues trusting people, especially people who get paid to help others (like therapists) but I always trusted Caprice. I still do because I know this isn't her fault, but my trust in WebMD and in trusting people who can help in general has just been shattered. There are plenty of you here who I love dearly and who have helped me many, many times but I also know that most of you are limited in your abilities to help because you're going through the same things. Empathy from those who are going through the same thing is a good thing but advice and wisdom from someone who has overcome the things you are going through is invaluable. I feel such loss and I feel like there is no one felt to help me. Not because yall don't want to help but because you are all dealing with the same things. I am at such a loss as to what to do and unfortunately none of the ideas running through my head are good ones.
Reply
 
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Kate_Te responded:
OTW -

I feel your pain. Maybe not a severely as you, as you have been on this board a lot longer than I have. I didn't respond to your earlier post, for the same reason I almost didn't respond to this one. I'm attempting to keep things light because I am in a bad place mentally right now.

When I commented on Dem's post, I was just trying to calm her down. I get why you two are upset, we've been abandoned, ignored & not even been allowed to say goodbye to friends. IT SUCKS!! My only thought is, I don't know what I can do to change it and I don't want to loose my connection to this group. So for now at least I'm staying.

I really hope you use Fran's Stop sign in your head and try to stay safe, for you, your precious daughters & for us here on this board who love you.

Big, Soft, Hugs!
Kate_Te
 
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DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
dear one, once the initial shock /anger/other emotions all settle a bit so everyone's nerve ending arnt so raw, I will start a "thank you Caprice" post. So we can all honor and send her our love. She didn't get a chance to say goodbye so we will.

Frankly the way this was done was a lot like having a robber come into our house and kidnapping our much loved friend.

We are angry, we are afraid, we have questions, we have broken hearts.

No one is discounting anyone's feelings. This has been most distressing.

We must do what Caprice would have told us to do. Get back on track, and keep moving forward. There is a very real concern here that WebMD will deleted this board if we all can't accept this change and be a healthy support board for each other.

Go back and print out her replies to you. I have a folder of 10 years of her words to me. Its comforting to read them.

That goes for all of you too, printout out some of her posts to you so you can read over them when you need to here her voice.

again, B, not discounting your pain. I hear you.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
 
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lostkate replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
OTW, I feel your pain too but DD is right, Caprice would have wanted us to move forward. I keep her replies to me, from all the boards she has helped me on. I find myself going back to them when I need too. Maybe you should go back and copy yours. She will never be forgotten here, I am honored to have met her and thankful she was there when I needed help. Maybe one day she will pop in and say Hi.

Be safe OTW and everyone.
Kate
 
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off_the_wall replied to lostkate's response:
When I was in high school I was very suicidal and SHing. At the time AOL chat was a big thing..... and so I turned to that looking for help. I met a lady who had overcome a lot herself and she offered all kinds of great advice (like Caprice). Her words meant a lot to me and were a comfort to me so I would print them out to keep. One day, while I was at school, my mom searched through my room and found them (they were well hidden). She shared those printed papers with several people before finally confronting me about it. One of those people was a youth minister that I had really looked up to but when she brought those to him he told her, "I can't help her". When she finally confronted me about it, it was not with kindness and concern--- it was with anger and criticism. I was so humiliated and really didn't want to live after that.

I will never risk that again.
 
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slik_kitty responded:
sorry, i did not mean to invalidate anyone's feelings. we are all hurting from caprice's absence. i just wanted to stop the railing away at webmd. of course we can talk about how this makes us feel. it will take time to adjust, but we will all adjust. we always have and we always will. hugs
 
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lostkate replied to off_the_wall's response:
OTW, Im sorry your Mom did that, I have had it happen to me too. Thats why I keep all my stuff in my email account, nothing is printed out. I was confronted with no kindness or concern. It was more like I did something wrong, I felt so worthless, it was all on paper for them to read and even reading it all they were not concerned. I understand why you cant take the risk. Even in my email account I get nervous someone might find it.

Change is hard, things will get better. Hang in there.
Hugs
Kate
 
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MandyCake replied to lostkate's response:
OTW, Kate,

I was never allowed privacy of any kind. Not when I was young, teen or adult and married. My mail was always opened, calls listened in on, I couldn't even go to the bathroom and close the door, or for a walk without being followed. My ex even did the "sleep deprivation" thing to me, smothering me, etc as he thought in my sleep I was escaping him or hiding my thoughts, etc... I did a diary once and my ex found it and read it and took what I wrote and twisted it into a tool to use to further hurt me. So I understand what it is like to have trust issues...

Let's all work through things together... I know here I can trust my sisters...

Gra'
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.

Gra'
Bonnie


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