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Question for my Sisters.
MandyCake posted:
I have a question... A man in the Stepps group started the webpage "Beautifully Damaged." I wrote an article he and is partner wanted me to post to their site. I did... The girl asked to come to my place and I said okay thinking it was to discuss the article and the web page... It was not. She seems to want to me my new BFF and I'm freaking out. She invited me to her place next week to watch movies. I really do not feel ready to have.... Lets chum around, your place, my place kind of friends... I'm thinking of sending her an email to say that I am not ready for this let's hang out friendship she's looking for... trust is a huge issue for me...
My question is: What should I do? What would you Do?
Thanks All.
Gra'
Bonnie
My question is: What should I do? What would you Do?
Thanks All.
Gra'
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
26 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.I have a question... A man in the Stepps group started the webpage "Beautifully Damaged." I wrote an article he and is partner wanted me to post to their site. I did... The girl asked to come to my place and I said okay thinking it was to discuss the article and the web page... It was not. She seems to want to me my new BFF and I'm freaking out. She invited me to her place next week to watch movies. I really do not feel ready to have.... Lets chum around, your place, my place kind of friends... I'm thinking of sending her an email to say that I am not ready for this let's hang out friendship she's looking for... trust is a huge issue for me...<br /> <br />My question is: What should I do? What would you Do?<br /> <br />Thanks All.<br />Gra'<br />Bonnie
DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
I would not chum around with them in person. On line friendship, maybe.
Set some boundaries. I don't like where this is going.
Set some boundaries. I don't like where this is going.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.I would not chum around with them in person. On line friendship, maybe.<br /><br />Set some boundaries. I don't like where this is going.
bubbles_bobble replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
I agree with dd. If you feel you're not ready for a chummy relationship then by all means just tell her
"I have trust issues. I'd like to talk to you online perhaps or I'd like to exchange emails. If you think you perhaps one day might like this person as a friend then she will have to stick with ya bonnie.
I believe that honesty in relationships is the best policy. With that said There is also such a thing of how you say it. I've been taught to always start with I feel.........instead of saying you are........that way you don't put them on the defense and you take ownership of the issue!
huggers and hope this works out for you on whatever level you want it to.
bb
"I have trust issues. I'd like to talk to you online perhaps or I'd like to exchange emails. If you think you perhaps one day might like this person as a friend then she will have to stick with ya bonnie.
I believe that honesty in relationships is the best policy. With that said There is also such a thing of how you say it. I've been taught to always start with I feel.........instead of saying you are........that way you don't put them on the defense and you take ownership of the issue!
huggers and hope this works out for you on whatever level you want it to.
bb
One day at a time
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.I agree with dd. If you feel you're not ready for a chummy relationship then by all means just tell her <br />"I have trust issues. I'd like to talk to you online perhaps or I'd like to exchange emails. If you think you perhaps one day might like this person as a friend then she will have to stick with ya bonnie. <br /> <br />I believe that honesty in relationships is the best policy. With that said There is also such a thing of how you say it. I've been taught to always start with I feel.........instead of saying you are........that way you don't put them on the defense and you take ownership of the issue!<br /> <br />huggers and hope this works out for you on whatever level you want it to.<br /> <br />bb
MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
Thank you ladies. I have done just that.
Huggers.
Bonnie
Huggers.
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.Thank you ladies. I have done just that.<br /> <br />Huggers.<br />Bonnie
Hope it worked out for you!
MandyCake replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
DDT,
I sent the email and stated I was just not ready for "lets be friends." I do not want to hang out. Not to say I'd never consider a friendship but this would require alot of time, building trust, before hanging out.
Both are ignoring me now. Oh well... As you said, boundries...
Hugs,
Bonnie
I sent the email and stated I was just not ready for "lets be friends." I do not want to hang out. Not to say I'd never consider a friendship but this would require alot of time, building trust, before hanging out.
Both are ignoring me now. Oh well... As you said, boundries...
Hugs,
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.DDT,<br /> <br />I sent the email and stated I was just not ready for "lets be friends." I do not want to hang out. Not to say I'd never consider a friendship but this would require alot of time, building trust, before hanging out.<br /> <br />Both are ignoring me now. Oh well... As you said, boundries... <br /> <br />Hugs,<br />Bonnie
Hey Kate_Te,
It seems because I will not do the lets be BFF's... They decided to ceast all contact with me. So I guess, I was right to not trust these people...
Gra'
Bonnie
It seems because I will not do the lets be BFF's... They decided to ceast all contact with me. So I guess, I was right to not trust these people...
Gra'
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.Hey Kate_Te,<br /> <br />It seems because I will not do the lets be BFF's... They decided to ceast all contact with me. So I guess, I was right to not trust these people... <br /> <br />Gra'<br />Bonnie
Bonnie -
Give them a little time. She may have been hurt by your email - especially is she doesn't understand social anxiety. Before you give up on them, give them a chance for this to sink in.
Give them a little time. She may have been hurt by your email - especially is she doesn't understand social anxiety. Before you give up on them, give them a chance for this to sink in.
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.Bonnie -<br />Give them a little time. She may have been hurt by your email - especially is she doesn't understand social anxiety. Before you give up on them, give them a chance for this to sink in.
bubbles_bobble replied to Kate_Te's response:
yes bonnie i think kate te is right. Also in cbt therapy they say there is the mind reading trick............forecasting you know how and/or what someone is thinking going to say etc. You don't know unless you check it out by asking. Always check the evidence of your thinking first before presuming ok. I t will save you lots of grief.
One day at a time
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.yes bonnie i think kate te is right. Also in cbt therapy they say there is the mind reading trick............forecasting you know how and/or what someone is thinking going to say etc. You don't know unless you check it out by asking. Always check the evidence of your thinking first before presuming ok. I t will save you lots of grief.
She supposidly has agoraphobia as well and had stated she understood this and then in the next breath wanted to go to a buffett. To which I said no.
The guy in my Stepps Group totally blew me off. But that is his issue not mine.
I will do as you suggest Kate_Te and give them time...
Hugs,
Bonnie
The guy in my Stepps Group totally blew me off. But that is his issue not mine.
I will do as you suggest Kate_Te and give them time...
Hugs,
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.She supposidly has agoraphobia as well and had stated she understood this and then in the next breath wanted to go to a buffett. To which I said no.<br /> <br />The guy in my Stepps Group totally blew me off. But that is his issue not mine. <br /> <br />I will do as you suggest Kate_Te and give them time... <br /> <br />Hugs,<br />Bonnie
MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,
I wish I could read minds, lol... You are correct... Know the facts and check my assumptions at the door.
Gra'
Bonnie
I wish I could read minds, lol... You are correct... Know the facts and check my assumptions at the door.
Gra'
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.BB,<br /> <br />I wish I could read minds, lol... You are correct... Know the facts and check my assumptions at the door. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"><br /> <br />Gra'<br />Bonnie
bubbles_bobble replied to MandyCake's response:
totally get what you're sayin! i don't have that disordr but there are many many days i can't get outta my house because of the depression and hell no i won't go! syndrome im glad that you see it the mind reading trick. imagine how awful it would be tho if we could read minds. argh! i don't want to know what they would be thinkinga bout to me!
One day at a time
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.<i>totally get what you're sayin! i don't have that disordr but there are many many days i can't get outta my house because of the depression and hell no i won't go! syndrome im glad that you see it the mind reading trick. imagine how awful it would be tho if we could read minds. argh! i don't want to know what they would be thinkinga bout to me!</i>
MandyCake replied to bubbles_bobble's response:
BB,
I have enough of my own thoughts and voices so I do not think I could handle having everyone elses in my head too. lol. BUT.... If I could, you bet, I'd be a reading their minds. Forwarned is forearmed...
**********TRIGGER**************CAUTION***************
Stepps sucked yet again... They had a draw and use words to do that entire, find your happy place, in your head... and write how you could get there. Well, my happy place is in Heaven with my furbabies and to get there I have to be dead. I mean really... Heaven is where alot of us desire to go and view as the ultimate safe haven, happy loving home of our Higher Powers that be...
Of course, David, the Stepps Male Leader, did not care for my answer and no one else in class participated... They all just sat around talking pizza, bowling, ignoring the reason for being in class, yet again. Only 2 of us are doing the work. The female Leader, Marisol, only wants to engage in guided imagery.
Today, of to see my T... so she can say "I understand, I know, I don't know what to tell you, This is the work, blah, blah, blah..."
(Sticking my tongue out at her already!)
Time to head out...
Hugs,
Bonnie
I have enough of my own thoughts and voices so I do not think I could handle having everyone elses in my head too. lol. BUT.... If I could, you bet, I'd be a reading their minds. Forwarned is forearmed... **********TRIGGER**************CAUTION***************
Stepps sucked yet again... They had a draw and use words to do that entire, find your happy place, in your head... and write how you could get there. Well, my happy place is in Heaven with my furbabies and to get there I have to be dead. I mean really... Heaven is where alot of us desire to go and view as the ultimate safe haven, happy loving home of our Higher Powers that be...
Of course, David, the Stepps Male Leader, did not care for my answer and no one else in class participated... They all just sat around talking pizza, bowling, ignoring the reason for being in class, yet again. Only 2 of us are doing the work. The female Leader, Marisol, only wants to engage in guided imagery.
Today, of to see my T... so she can say "I understand, I know, I don't know what to tell you, This is the work, blah, blah, blah..."
(Sticking my tongue out at her already!) Time to head out...
Hugs,
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.BB,<br /> <br /><img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> I have enough of my own thoughts and voices so I do not think I could handle having everyone elses in my head too. lol. BUT.... If I could, you bet, I'd be a reading their minds. Forwarned is forearmed... <br /> <br />**********TRIGGER**************CAUTION***************<br /> <br />Stepps sucked yet again... They had a draw and use words to do that entire, find your happy place, in your head... and write how you could get there. Well, my happy place is in Heaven with my furbabies and to get there I have to be dead. I mean really... Heaven is where alot of us desire to go and view as the ultimate safe haven, happy loving home of our Higher Powers that be...<br /> <br />Of course, David, the Stepps Male Leader, did not care for my answer and no one else in class participated... They all just sat around talking pizza, bowling, ignoring the reason for being in class, yet again. Only 2 of us are doing the work. The female Leader, Marisol, only wants to engage in guided imagery. <br /> <br />Today, of to see my T... so she can say "I understand, I know, I don't know what to tell you, This is the work, blah, blah, blah..." <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/pbpt.gif" align="top" border="0"> (Sticking my tongue out at her already!) <br /> <br />Time to head out...<br /> <br />Hugs,<br />Bonnie
Rugger1369 replied to MandyCake's response:
MandyCake-
Don't think we ever met (on here of course!) but glad to see you have found this board too. I chime in from time to time, and reading your last post you have to be proud of yourself. You are doing the work the class was initially intended for, without regards for the other "participants" and that is saying alot about how strong you are. Now, I am no follower of religion, but heaven to me is the light that is within us. It just gets muffled by all the BS in our earthly lives. We just need to stay strong and find that happy place. But not necassarily a physical place of happiness but a spiritual/mental one. an acceptance of our own faults and those of others. And the strength to keep moving forward. I have had a rough weekend, and realized we -as humans- are a mess. and we can only take one step at a time to make it better. By taking your class and sticking to it, you are making a great choice for yourself. and as for your T...well she doesnt sound very competent. have you started looking for another? I wish you all the very best, and look forward to hearing of your progress. keep it up! Much love and HUGS
Don't think we ever met (on here of course!) but glad to see you have found this board too. I chime in from time to time, and reading your last post you have to be proud of yourself. You are doing the work the class was initially intended for, without regards for the other "participants" and that is saying alot about how strong you are. Now, I am no follower of religion, but heaven to me is the light that is within us. It just gets muffled by all the BS in our earthly lives. We just need to stay strong and find that happy place. But not necassarily a physical place of happiness but a spiritual/mental one. an acceptance of our own faults and those of others. And the strength to keep moving forward. I have had a rough weekend, and realized we -as humans- are a mess. and we can only take one step at a time to make it better. By taking your class and sticking to it, you are making a great choice for yourself. and as for your T...well she doesnt sound very competent. have you started looking for another? I wish you all the very best, and look forward to hearing of your progress. keep it up! Much love and HUGS
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.MandyCake-<br /> <br />Don't think we ever met (on here of course!) but glad to see you have found this board too. I chime in from time to time, and reading your last post you have to be proud of yourself. You are doing the work the class was initially intended for, without regards for the other "participants" and that is saying alot about how strong you are. Now, I am no follower of religion, but heaven to me is the light that is within us. It just gets muffled by all the BS in our earthly lives. We just need to stay strong and find that happy place. But not necassarily a physical place of happiness but a spiritual/mental one. an acceptance of our own faults and those of others. And the strength to keep moving forward. I have had a rough weekend, and realized we -as humans- are a mess. and we can only take one step at a time to make it better. By taking your class and sticking to it, you are making a great choice for yourself. and as for your T...well she doesnt sound very competent. have you started looking for another? I wish you all the very best, and look forward to hearing of your progress. keep it up! Much love and HUGS
MandyCake replied to Rugger1369's response:
Rugger,
Thank you for your compassion and understanding and for reaching out to me, a stranger...
One of my many faults is being honest. If I say I'll do something, I do it. I believe that we should "say what we mean, and mean what we say." I said I would try this Stepps program. Another fault is believing that if we do something, we should do so by giving that something the best we can... another fault. Hence why I am doing the work. Did I not say, I have many? I expect logic in an illogical world. Another: I do not accept that things can only be "managed" and not "fixed."
My T is actually not horrid. She is highly recommended as an expert in Complex PTSD with DID and Stalkholm Syndrome. She just can not explain to me why society, systems, government are allowed to hurt me over and over and over and yet I can't hurt me. She can't explain why I have zero rights while those who hurt me are given free reign to do so. She can't explain to me what I have to look forward to in "life"as the abuse has disabled me not just emotionally, psychologically but physically. Everything has been taken from me... It's very complex as I have since birth to the present, soon to be 46 years, endured never-ending abuse.
In Harmony,
Bonnie
Thank you for your compassion and understanding and for reaching out to me, a stranger...
One of my many faults is being honest. If I say I'll do something, I do it. I believe that we should "say what we mean, and mean what we say." I said I would try this Stepps program. Another fault is believing that if we do something, we should do so by giving that something the best we can... another fault. Hence why I am doing the work. Did I not say, I have many?
I expect logic in an illogical world. Another: I do not accept that things can only be "managed" and not "fixed." My T is actually not horrid. She is highly recommended as an expert in Complex PTSD with DID and Stalkholm Syndrome. She just can not explain to me why society, systems, government are allowed to hurt me over and over and over and yet I can't hurt me. She can't explain why I have zero rights while those who hurt me are given free reign to do so. She can't explain to me what I have to look forward to in "life"as the abuse has disabled me not just emotionally, psychologically but physically. Everything has been taken from me... It's very complex as I have since birth to the present, soon to be 46 years, endured never-ending abuse.
In Harmony,
Bonnie
Life is the school and Love is the Lesson.
Gra'
Bonnie
Gra'
Bonnie
Report This| Share this:Question for my Sisters.Rugger,<br /> <br />Thank you for your compassion and understanding and for reaching out to me, a stranger... <br /> <br />One of my many faults is being honest. If I say I'll do something, I do it. I believe that we should "say what we mean, and mean what we say." I said I would try this Stepps program. Another fault is believing that if we do something, we should do so by giving that something the best we can... another fault. Hence why I am doing the work. Did I not say, I have many? <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"> I expect logic in an illogical world. Another: I do not accept that things can only be "managed" and not "fixed." <br /> <br />My T is actually not horrid. She is highly recommended as an expert in Complex PTSD with DID and Stalkholm Syndrome. She just can not explain to me why society, systems, government are allowed to hurt me over and over and over and yet I can't hurt me. She can't explain why I have zero rights while those who hurt me are given free reign to do so. She can't explain to me what I have to look forward to in "life"as the abuse has disabled me not just emotionally, psychologically but physically. Everything has been taken from me... It's very complex as I have since birth to the present, soon to be 46 years, endured never-ending abuse. <br /> <br />In Harmony,<br />Bonnie
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