The gal in my Stepps Group who I have connected with and who seems to be the only other person doing the work, I thought we had developed a bond of sorts.
She took everything that she and I discussed privately and went to the Leaders of Stepps, My T, My Psych... Stating I was encouraging SH and SI.. (Now it makes sense as to my last Stepps Group and Counseling session and things that were said by David and My T)... So once again, I reached out to another who I thought understood me, placed trust in her, and was betrayed by her. She came clean with me but the damage is done. I can not trust her...
So I copied and sent to my T all of my communications with this gal showing that while I was SHing and SI, I was trying to discourage her from the same. I also wanted David, My T and my Psych to see that I know, they betrayed and lied to me, as well in the form of omission.
I'm fed up with everyone and everything. SH and SI is very strong within me today. I'm not certain that I want to fight the urges anymore.
Outside of you all here, there is no one I can trust. Thank you for listening.
Wow. Having something like that happen can't be easy. I'm sorry you have to go through that. People who are trustworthy are hard to find, I'll agree to that. I guess it's just part of who I am -- I don't trust anyone completely and those I do moderately trust didn't have it for a very long time. I guess it's hard for us when we're looking for someone to lean on and be a friend.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
Thank you. You are correct... yet we keep getting told that no one knows the future, how do we know if we don't reach out, yadda, yadda, yadda...
This gal sent me a message asking me to forgive her and could we still be friends. I stated: A fault of mine is that I can easily Love and Forgive others. I just can not forget. Because I can not forget, I can not trust the "others"and thus, no, we can no longer be friends. Do you think this was too harsh?
It is hard, yes. Those who are supposed to help, betray... those we finally let our guards down enough to let part way in, betray... This in turn reinforces my belief that I only have myself I can rely on and It is a lonely existence.
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