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im all stirred up trigger
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sittingbull594 posted:
i'm all stirred up

((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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ripples stars and snowmen
are we good to go? houston?????

i think we are!!

so i'm thinkin of how i've run into a t from my old clinics office several times and one being very recently like last week. its very upsetting to me because i ran into her 6 mos ago when she came into my aa meeting. hmmmpf. i told her it was ok to come in and that i would remain silent and i have but ................
i will keep her anonymity but here's the deal.

she can go to aa meetings and not have egg on her face and be the high and almighty therapist and i have to be the inferior patient and to the new clinic where i am now i've only ran into her this last week but for some reason i'm just stuck on it tonight and feel like hurting myself really bad. its really time for me to go to bed but i really feel like actin gon it.

growl phone ringing. growl...... its probably the stupid woman who is annoying. i mean really 945

i really want to go back to doing daily burning. the thing is that my burns are getting close to 4th degree. i didn't think there was such a thing but there is and i'm close callin it when i do the deeds. its like i just have to do it ya know???? yolu do know
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rugger1369 responded:
don't let her get under your skin. stay strong for yourself! (gentle hugs)
 
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slik_kitty responded:
you can't control her actions, and you can't control running into her. what you can control is how you react to it. it's your call whether to injure, or put your brain on a higher plain and say that you are not going to give her that power over you. hugs
 
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butterflykiss responded:
SB,

Smile, it will confuse her!
Amach As An Dorchadais. (Irish for: Out of the Darkness.)
 
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Kate_Te replied to butterflykiss's response:
SB -
Reach for God. Turn it over to him. Let yourself say f*** it! She's not worth the effort.
 
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off_the_wall responded:
I'm really sorry she is causing you to be triggered so much. I had a similar thing happen this weekend. I'm finally healed enough from the c-section to start going for jogs again. So I was jogging and listening to my iPod when suddenly instead of music I hear someone talking. It was the therapist who threatened to take me to court talking on my iPod! I had forgotten she had created some kind of medication CD and my husband had loaded it onto my iPod. Brought back a lot of bad memories and was very triggering. I chose to just cuss her out in my mind and not to SH and I hope you are able to do the same. Like you said, it's so hurtful how some therapists make others feel like inferior patients. I'm still struggling not to SH too so I understand the urge. Hang in there, friend.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
hey
i didn't act on it and i'm really glad. i'm still being tortured by the pain in my leg and the wound on my abdomen. honestly.
for me i gotta stop doing this stuff. its so hard. so hard. i'm so glad i have this place to come to. to be with all of you who understand all to well!

otw and kate te and kitty and ruggers...........thank you for responding to my post. You are so right every one of you.
each of you has a different respnse. and its so nice to get help when you feel you are sinking.

i guess i've been stirred like ya'll for my own reasons and then pop it happens. I think we all do a great job of keeping ourselves safe! Wow I marvel otw at 7 mos. THat's phenom!
maybe otw you kinda got stirred too because of that darn cd that got loaded onto your ipod. Shoot i wonder if there is anyway to get it off??

Kitty You're right I don't need to give this t any power. I have watched you and you are so calm cool and collected. i really admire that!

Ruggers- WoW i love what you write and you are such a great renew recoming back here person! I love it. I'm so glad you're staying!

Kate te We will see you when you come back! You also are a welcome addition to our family. I enjoy as well what you have to say and i'm sorry you all struggle. Life just ain't meant to be this way. There is sunshine. even at 2 below!
 
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off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
I'm really glad that you didn't act on the urge. That's an accomplishment and you don't deserve to be in any more pain than you already are in. I wish you could be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone here.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
feel the same way about you to otw. wish you could be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone here.... including myself. i wish with my gf's here we could walk on the beach or in the mtns. and just be the girls from childhood the part that was innocence like P and E and B. and just live again.

o so worried i can't stand it. gotta deep breathe and i went to dbtselfhelp.com and if you go to emotion regulation and then improve the moment and then prayer and its really good.

i'm goin to God now.
 
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off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
I'm glad you are going to God with your concerns. The Bible says to cast all your cares upon Him and he will take care of them.

Also glad you are using positive coping techniques.

If it helps to talk about your worries here that might help too. (((SB)))
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
Yes Otw .... I'm told it does say that. I'm glad you know that verse and I hope when you're having your troubles with wanting to urge that you can cast it upon Him and he will help you. I'm asking him to help me with this awful anxiety.
i just can't seem to get rid of it. So back to meditating and deep breathing for me. Listening to meditaiton ipod.

I can only say so much here. There are to many eyes on ....
we're still infiltrated.
 
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off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
I'm glad you are continuing to take steps to keep yourself safe. I'm proud of you. Keep at it. I know it isn't easy.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
Thanks otw. I appreciate it. so stirred up man. i had to go to dentist and have some work done on front teeth and it was really really hard cuz used to takin klonopin to not have the anxiety ...............UGH UGH UGH
 
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butterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

2 Books that I find helpful as of late are : He still moves stones, by Max Lucado and You are already amazing, by Holly Gerth. Both are God based study guides that take everyday life and breaks it down so it can be applied to current life situations.

In the first book, I felt drawn to the chapter: Bright lights on Dark Nights, When you are out of choices.... and What Only God can Do, When You're Trapped by Legalism...

The second book, I was drawn to the chapter: Where Am I Going? When life feels out of control, destructive and patterns repeat... It asks if there are area's in the "readers" life where the "reader" feels as if they are back in Egypt; In bondage, out of control, oppressed. It takes you through finding your skills, your strengths, etc to overcome...

Both are good books to curl up with on a long, cold, night.

Hugs.
Amach As An Dorchadais. (Irish for: Out of the Darkness.)
 
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butterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

The last paragraph... My sorrow runs deep.
Amach As An Dorchadais. (Irish for: Out of the Darkness.)


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