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lets get something straight
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sittingbull594 posted:
I was thinking about something the other day.....

How its all to easily (ME INCLUDED) TO use the blame game either totally on myself or displace onto others.

It's their fault O NO it's only my fault.

When we hide from ourselves then we are introducing fear...
when we hide from going outside into the world we are introducing fear.....
when we state O i can't do this..........Is it that we can't or we won't??? there's a huge difference.
When we won't is it because we're being willful and not willing to try something different.... I learned a long time ago that when you keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results how can this be?? You will not get different results if you keep doing the same thing over and over the same way you have to do something different in order to get different results.
I personally have hidden and i have also been willful not willing to do something different.
Then there's the blame game... When we blame someone something else for how we are feeling....Well think about it. Did that someone somthing tell you ok SB you need to feel sorrow, anger or hatred??? No we are conditioned by our colorful pasts upon seeing another similiar instance we react. Either to ourselves (BOY AREN'T WE BIG ENOUGH) BECAUSE we hold ourself to such apparently Godlike etal? only qualities that only ourself is to blame for the situaiton or theres the other way of when we blame everyone (thing) else for our demise.

SO I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD EXERCISE WITHOUT ANYONE BLOWING A FUSE. THE OBJECTIVE IS JUST THAT TO TRY AND BE OBJECTIVE AND GENTLE ENOUGH WITH OURSELVES TO SEE WHERE THE SHOE FITS FOR US??? IT MAY FIT ON MORE THAN ONE FOOT EH? FOR ME IT FITS ON ALL ACCOUNTS.
BASED ON THAT INFO I am willing to do the following:

1) Even when i don't want to go somewhere or do something I will force myslef to do it because therein lies the solution to my fear. Any good therapist will guide us to exposure therapy so therefore once upon being exposed over and over again we become habituated meaning that we have a habit that we can count on.

2) Even when I (like last night) think i'm the only one who has created a situation because after all aren't i all that??? AND SO TOTALLY I THINK TO MYSELF "I MADE MY HUSBAND FEEL POORLY BOUT HIMSELF IN FRONT OF THE HELP" Well for every interaction we have there is a reaction. So i spoke interaction and then husband reacted when we talked last night. He felt i talked to him like a child in front of help. I FELT SO BADLY 8888888 trigger
TRIGGER..... that i wanted to sh in the worst ways. There was a lot more going on that meets the eyes but you get the general gist.
So how could i think i'm the only one having behavior that was working against husband. afterall, he's responsible for how he INTERPRETS THE INFORMATION HE HEARS!! AND what i'm figuring out as i write this AND HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN IS THAT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO! especially when you're reacting to a situation. Come on you know this. there are always 2 or more parts to everything. are you with me?

Then there are the circum stances that we become angry or disheveled with an entitity such as (i'LL USE THIS AS AN EXAMPLE : WEB MD) DID web md throw a dirty deal for us here : well the general consensus was that they did. However, after the mudslinging had went on for quiet a while most decided that this was something they had to accept and just move on because there was nothing else we could do but police ourselves (so to speak) Which we have and there has been some monitoring fromwebmd behind the scenes as well. So it does work out.

Sometimes not liek we'd like but then they call this life.
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lovely_lemon_tree responded:
Just wanted you to know that I'd read this but don't know what to say.

Hugs.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
 
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Kate_Te replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
Sb -
you say we are only responsible for our own actions - that other's are responsible for their reactions. this is true. However, I still think you should apologize to hubby for your actions if you believe they were out of line or out of place.

We can't use the phrase "I am not responsible for how others intepret my actions" as a free ride (not saying your doing this, just warning against it).

I, like you, am trying something different. I am trying to practice my dbt skills at least 5 times a day & slowly (baby steps) going out into the world. According to all of my therapists & my own common sense - trying to do too much too quickly will just set me up for failure. In other words, too much exposure too quickly will cause fear that will throw me right back behind my apartment doors.

Please don't take this as an attack, I'm just trying to do what you did in your post - point out the obvious to us all so we'll stop fooling ourselves into thinking I can do the same thing as I've always done & something different will happen.

I love you SB.
Big soft hugs!!!!!!!!
 
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sittingbull594 replied to Kate_Te's response:
love yo uto kate te!! no harm was taken from this. no worries i'm good as i can be i guess. nothing that's been written here has jointed me out of anything! that's for sure!

trigger???????????????????????

its getting late for me and the bewitching hour is here. ugh


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