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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

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Wallowing
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lovely_lemon_tree posted:
Today I'm attempting to make a post more than two words long.

Unfortunately, it may come up that this is a controversial post and I want to say first off to anyone who may take it that way, I'm sorry. I don't want it to be that way. I don't want to drive anyone else away from the board, I don't want it to be taken as discrimination, I don't know what else to say to cover my tail. (And maybe yours too... aimed at no one in particular.)

I think part of the reason I've been so sad recently is that I've been witness to one of my friend's facebook posts -- she has a new boyfriend. I don't know if they've ever dated in the past, but I do know that they're together now and doing the deed. I am jealous of the general concept -- having a significant other, spending time with them, being intimate with them -- but I will say this -- I am not jealous of him.

This friend of mine is fairly new to me -- we met in April and get along very well. I spend time with her and her kids and it's very pleasant all around. She is the only active friend I have in this town that I now live in. I would go to see her once a week or so. But now there is a boyfriend in the picture and I'm worried about how this is going to impact my relationship with her. It is partially true that I don't want to hang around and see them being lovey-dovey with each other. But my biggest objection is to him.

My friend and this guy have known each other since high school. We're in our 30s now so that's quite a while. This guy, however, just spent 7 years in prison for armed robbery and got out less than a week ago. She's talking long-term commitment with him and although this may be the typical love-talk one sees at the beginning of a relationship, I think I understand that she really wants something with this guy -- not because of the guy, but because he is able to give it to her. She wants someone to come home to, someone to cook for, someone to hold her at night. While I can understand that, I fail to see why she wants it from a felon.

I know there is a great deal of discrimination against ex-convicts. I also know that I'm the last person I would expect to buy into that. But if someone went to prison for seven years for holding up an elderly couple at gunpoint, what does that say about his morals? His ethics? His self-control? Etc? She's welcome to get involved with anyone she wishes, including this guy, but if they come as a pair, I don't want that pair around my life circle. I don't want to get to know him and then see that he's not so bad, I don't want someone like that around me. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me too anxious. And although I'm willing to still remain friends with her, I don't think that if the two of them become inseparable, I can keep up that friendship. Having a felon in my life like that is just not something I want to do. And I think, that if they come as a pair from now on, I am not willing to remain part of their lives. That's a deal breaker for me.

And I'm going to lose a friend because of it.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
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slik_kitty responded:
it's your right to have that opinion. keep the friendship, but insist that when you get together that it is only her and that she refrain from talking about him. then the ball is in her court. where it goes from there will depend on her decision.
 
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off_the_wall responded:
I agree with kitty. Tell her something similar to what you said in this post: you want to remain friends with her and she is welcome to date anyone she pleases but you don't want to hangout with him. I think you are smart to care about the type of people you bring into your life.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
couldn't agree more with kitty and otw! you become that of what you are around i/e environments shape us and so does the company we have in our lives.

This is not prejudice in my eyes. i think its common sense!


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