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It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

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I can't do this again....
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besmith75 posted:
TRIGGER...........................................................................
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I lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago. It's complicated...but basically she had surgery...there were complications...and she was in a vegetative state for 5 1/2 weeks. I work at the hospital and every day for 5 weeks I would leave work and go sit in that room with her. My brother was there most days as well. Once we finally realized that she was never going to get better we signed a dni/dnr and had them remove the breathing tube.

Now...my Stepfather (I guess you'd call him. He and my mom were together for 25+ years although never married) is in the hospital. His background: he suffered a tbi in Viet Nam and has a history of polysubstance abuse as well as COPD. Apparently he's been vomiting blood for over a month and never told anyone. He's been in the hospital since Sunday. He's around six feet tall and weighs about 125lbs right now. He needs almost 100% oxygen. His mental state comes and goes (he knew who I was today and told me he loved me). But once again...I had to go to that hospital tower to visit someone I love. I sat by his bed and held his hand. I hoped upon hope that he will get better...although I don't believe he will. I think he has Cancer.

Why again? I'm angry and hurt and raging on the inside...and I want so badly to show it on the outside. I'm crying and bleeding inside and I want to let it out. Let the pain out of me. I want to cut so that I can see what I feel...

I can't sit in a hospital room and watch somebody I love die. Not again.

I had to walk off the elevator into the ICU unit for the first time in 3 1/2 years. I had to listen to the beeps and watch the machines.

I don't know what to do with myself...
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besmith75 responded:
I don't know why this posted twice. Ignore this one.


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