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    self harm
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    iwanttostop posted:
    have noticed a pattern in my self harming, i started it as a child (7) to get of having to do things,( like going to school) no one knew i was self harming because i made it look like a medical problem. (bloody nose) as i grew older (10-13 )i had other reasons for acting out and i desperately want to draw attention to myself so self harm was obvious. ( burning, cutting,etc) everyone knew i was self-harming. once i was on my own (14-23)( married to a abusive man) i often was able to pass it off as an accident. when i was out of that hell (23- 50) i was bake to hiding it, or sometimes passing it as a accident. any way the only time i was know as a "self-harmer" is when i so desperately needed attention... the rest of the time it has been my own private hell that i share with no one( other then online)
    dose any one Else have a pattern like this?
    Reply
     
    avatar
    mandybutterflykiss responded:
    Iwanttostop,

    I'm not a professional but this sounds like it could be a form of Munchausen.

    Have you ever underwent a full psych eval? I think that would be a great place to begin... Once you know what the problem is, then you can work through the problem and brainstorm preventative measures.
    Gra'

    Bonnie

    Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
     
    avatar
    DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
  • ***************************** ********************** ********************* *********************** triggery conversation **************** *********

    SI-ing to get compassion and real honest 1:1 human interaction is not as uncommon as you might think.

    There are just times that you need a figure to step in and offer that specific type of attention.

    Its a shame we have to ask for it in theses ways. I know of what you speak.

    ((((((((((((IWTS))))))))))))))
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
  •  
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    iwanttostop replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
    ok at first i was angry and insulted, i could not imagine where you came up with that idea, but then i look it up and read about it., i must admit that dose sound like me. so is it different then self-harming or the same ?
     
    avatar
    iwanttostop replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
    the only time i wanted to " get attention" was when i was young and living at "home" ... most of the time self-harming is something i have kept hidden. i am most comfortable with being invisible to the world. thank you for your insight. you guys help me a lot.
     
    avatar
    sittingbull594 replied to iwanttostop's response:
    Hi Iwts
    I think that when we're really young we may try to seek attention (regardless if we sh'd as youngsters or not) doing negative behavior because at that time we were try9ing to say hi i'm not invisibile. THen you realize as many of us did that we were not validated because our environment and perhaps our parents weren't validating. Maybe there were problems larger than life itself. I know there were in my family. Not only my immediate family but extended family as well which trickled down to my folks.
    The only way you would know if you had that dx is if you had testing. They don't take that dx lightly. Often as is the case they will do testing when making dx's of an actual mental illness.
    When i was a kid i tried unsuccessfully to catch a cold in the tub and hoped it would turn really bad, but it didn't. I also did a really big thing once when i was 13 and 14. Rather not say but i'm just conquering that it happens. As we learn it didn't get us attention so then what do we do but become invisible.

    hope your feelin better iwts.
     
    avatar
    iwanttostop replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
    ok, so i did some reading on Munchhausen. and a lot of it fits. when i was younger (7-23) i did spend a lot of time in the hospital either because of what i did to myself or someone else did. i have had so many surgerys i really cant count them. but for the last 20 years i don't really leave the house, other then work or family, or church. i only go to my doc 1 a year (because my insurance mandates it) but most of my self-harm still is done in ways that medically cause me problems, i just don't seek help. when i was younger i did have psych eval, they gave me a lot of labels most of which fall under personality (mood) problems.


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