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Mind if I just whine for a sec? (may trigger)
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Kate_Te posted:
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So you all know that it took me 3 1/2 days to recover from my therapy session on Monday. Well, I was invited to a party on Saturday (she invited me last week) and even though I want to go, I can't. I'm still shaking occasionally from Monday.

This is what drove me to the hospital the last time. That I can't do anything, that my life is just going to be sitting in front of the TV and occasionally going out for meds. This is not the life I want! The cure isn't working if the steps I take do not lessen the recovery time. I feel alone, lost & helpless. Boy if that's not a recipe for self harm, I don't know what is.

I'm sorry I just whined - but I felt if anyone could understand my feelings it's you guys. Thank for reading.
Reply
 
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DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
What is the life you want?

Can you share it with us?

I know the impatience in the healing process. (boy-howdy do I know!) Don't let that fustration stop you from working towards your goal.

(((((((((K))))))))))
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
 
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mandybutterflykiss responded:
((((Kate_Te))))

I'm realling hearing you on this. Minus the invitations, the only time I get out is for therapy, pharmacy, doctors and once per month household shopping.

It sucks. I hate feeling so alone. Then as you stated, "recovery time," I ask every therapy appointment, how long am I going to have to deal with this crap. In one month it will make 46 years.

I'm feeling the urges too... I'm trying hard not to give in to the temptation to SH but I fear it may win out.

So why don't you swim across the lake and share a container of Betty Crocker Milk Chocolate Frosting with me? This way, we can whine together.

Love you Kate_Te.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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Kate_Te replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
DDT -
I want to have a "normal" life. Job, boyfriend, social life. Not looking for anything spectacular.

Bonnie -
If it were a litttle colder I could walk across the lake. Of course either way, I think we are talking about a 2 day trip at the earliest. So save me some of that frosting!!!
 
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sittingbull594 replied to Kate_Te's response:
I'm proud of you kiddo! You took a giant leap and so far so good! Yes has it been really really really really really uncomfortable hell yah. Have you had dithers about doing things differnetly hell yah.

The thing is that we have to learn to have some empathy for ourselves. You're doing all the right things! I think. You've realized that going to far to fast is what had you in the hospital and so You are regrouping and chilling. There is nothing wrong with that.

I know that I've been really crazed about this new dx of mine and along with that felt like well isn't this a great fine howdie doo! I'm never going to get well i think. What i'm starting to understand is that our mental illness our selfs have to be managed. Most people don't try to be better they just exist. Us who are here on this board strive to be better .... With that b eing said and I don't necessarily like this answer but I beleive it is accurate. : it will take what it takes. No more no Less. It is what it is and the sooner we learn to "accept" that we are on a journey and along the journey are hills and valleys. Ups and downs to those hills and valleys naturally right? well that is how life is is just like mother nature. Unpredictable.
I know for me that i'm learning to accept myself with all my idiocnycracies. Not easy and btw you're not whining! Youre mearely stating how you feel and that is not whining!
You build the job, the boyfriend, and social life one piece at a time.
I get it. I understand. I'm sorry if you weren't looking for a long answer but i just felt compelled to wrap you with a warm cozzie and snuggle up to the fire wit ya! We're all going to be ok because we have to. Lots of times we're not ok and that's ok too.
What about all the times we are ok? Those have to count more than the times we are not ok. I think anyway that is how if you put positive meagerings in your head you will win th ebattle.
I know for me when I say I'll never do this or i'll never do that... meaning i can't. then i usually can't. I'm trying to change that and say I will I can and I'm going to! The hell with mediocrity! We can and we SHALL!
AMEN
I know i complain here a lot and get scared here a lot. It is my sounding board to the people i hold dear to me who understand me! But i also know i'm getting better at feeling better. It's really hard cuz just yesterday and the day before i had to fight so hard not to do the deed. You and everyone here has done that same thing...>>>>>So rock on sister! You deserve to take a break and not go out into the world to keep yourself safe and continue on a healthy journey!
 
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Kate_Te replied to sittingbull594's response:
Thanks SB

I really am struggling with accepting this is me. I mean how can I go so far so quick - 3 years ago I had a job, I was going out, still no boyfriend (but a girl can hope). Now I struggle to leave my house.

I am going out this morning. Helping my friend with the running aound for her party tonight. I know I can't handle the party, but I hope I can handle this. As always, I'll let you know.

Thanks for the cozy blanket & fire! I really appreciated that!
 
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sittingbull594 replied to Kate_Te's response:
hey,
just be in the moment that is all you need to do. sounds simple but yet can be complex right ?? So just absorb what each minute brings you. have you ever drawn anything or colored a picture when you were a kid? its the same concept. just be you and just absord in the moment.

it will be ok. make sure you're breathing while you are out and if you need to leave make sure you have an exit strategy.

put into you're mind right now befor eyou leave the house this a.m. that you will have a good time and that this is worthwhile fo ryou to be doing! think the good thoughts and try hard not to negate the good thoughts.

You're as nice as the sunset you show in your pic here.
you're as soft and kind as the sunset here.
You are a good person and you will triumph over the oddities of life as you travel thru to get to the other side.
YOU will have fun today with your friend.

Kate te do have fun and then come home and relax. but when you come home and relax don't make it to hard on yourself by thinking up stuff ok? just relish the fact that you had a good time. This is the stuff you get yourself into trouble with. Anxiety can be in your body and you need to stay loose as a goose.


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