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Out on a limb MAGOR TRIGGER
mandybutterflykiss posted:

I'm going to risk going out on a limb here. Why? My trust is still shakey but my T feels that trust is something that can be rebuilt and that relationships form from our vulnerabilities.

Two of you already know this and I thank you so very much for being there for me. I Love you FriedEggs and Kate_Te! : A few weeks ago I OD on BP meds. It was not intentional, it was medication interactions that were overlooked by me, my pharmacist and healthcare team. In my "out of it state" a man, who I know and have had past relations with and ended things with, showed up at my door, came in had sex with me and then went so far as to send me an email: "Thank you for the early V-Day gift. For a sleeping beauty you were wonderful." He then sent another email informing me he had sex with other men and women and wanted to incorporate them in playing with he and I. He has an addictive personality. From alcohol to sex addiction. I have been dealing with a Women's center, PD, etc, my healthcare team.

I have magor issues around the legal system and again, with trust... Here's the deal. I can put a restaining order on this man and IF he violates it, press charges for violating the restraint under harrassment and stalking. Otherwise: NOTHING can be done. While it is coercion and manipulation... "no crime is considered to have been committed."

He did not give me the meds. (These were my prescribed night meds). I let him into my apartment. I did not say no. (even though I was out of it, so much so that I found myself passed out on my bathroom floor later that night) He did not use force. We had past relations.

I do not know about the rest of you, but in the past when I did restraining orders... they were violated.... and nothing was done. It came down to my word against those who harmed me. The legal system sucks. This has triggered me in so many ways. Like a child who was molested by the adult's who said....shhhhhh...our secret... if you tell, it will hurt so and so and they will get in trouble because of me... this triggers my issues with "systems" and on and on my triggers go...

Any advice? Should I pursue the restraining order?


Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
besmith75 responded:
Oh Bonnie... (((((HUGS))))) I actually had something similar happen to me by a friend's brother a few years ago. We didn't have a sexual history...but I have known him for over 25 years. Since he was a small child. I didn't pursue anything legal because I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. I felt that I couldn't do that to my friend (although I did end up telling her). I wish I could give you advice. I wish I could make you feel better. All I can do is empathize. The legal system sucks because a crime was committed. You were violated. You didn't say no...but you didn't willingly take part. If you think the legal system will help you to emotionally get past the situation...then I think you should pursue it. Would it put some of the negative emotions to rest if you did?
mandybutterflykiss replied to besmith75's response:

The legal system actually makes things worse for me, it is a magor trigger of mine. So I guess, I will just have to work through the emotions with my Therapist and continue to work with Women Helping Women on ways to keep me safe. The man is an addict and will say/do anything to get his next fix: which he has admitted is ME...

I'm all confused and messed up by this but I want to thank you and SB for both of you responding and giving me your wisdom.

Why is it so darn impossible to be a girl/woman in a boy/man's world?

Thank you for the hugs.


Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
besmith75 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
I think that no matter how loud we speak or how tall we stand...we are still fighting the battle to be equal. We are fighting the battle to be taken seriously in serious situations.

My virginity was taken by a date rapist. He actually had the nerve to call me the next day and tell me that nobody would believe a 15 year old girl who had been drunk when it happened. He raped and beat me and told me it was my own fault. I contacted the rape crisis center and because the a-hole skipped town...nothing legal was ever done. I felt almost as violated by the justice system as I did by him.

My heart is absolutely breaking for you right now. I know you're confused and messed up...with good reason...but stay strong. Do your best to stand tall and speak loudly. And as we always say...remember to breathe...

((((((MORE HUGS))))))

And lots and lots of love. Be safe Bonnie.
mandybutterflykiss replied to besmith75's response:

I just want to hug you. (((HUGS))). I'm sorry you had to go through this experience. It's one thing to be raped... another to have the systems rape us all over again.

My first experience with the systems was at the age of 9. My next experience was age 16, then 20's, 30's, 40's... It never ends and I have yet to have the systems actually work for me.

Thank you for your love. It means alot to me.


Life is the school, Love is the lesson.

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