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    Pdoc said.....
    sittingbull594 posted:
    My appt. this week with pdoc: ME: after meeting me only two times how did you arrive at that i'm bpd? PDOC: I reviewed your chart. ME: And so what made you decide that i'm bpd. PDOC: well, your suicide attempts were all over simple things. ME: well it takes a total of 5 criterion to match this dx. PDOC: yes and your paranoia fits the criteria too. (she did go on about what criteria I made)

    I forget all that she said cuz i was so shocked i barely go thru sitting there. I wonder why no one else ever found this. I know when i was in the hospital the second to last time the doc there whom I had talked to a couple times put personality disorder nos. so i think the new doc keyed in on that! Do you ever wonder how there little brains work??

    I do!! I guess a lot of things make sense now. THe paranoia all these years since i was in my teens or even younger. I'm very interested in figuring out how this all happened to make me what I am?? since it's a part of me i'm trying to piece the pieces together!

    Now she had my other disorder as primary. and they got rid of it except in her notes. she told me i could go to another facility for pdoc care if I'd like to... but i've decided for a variety of reasons that i don't want to start all over again. she apologized for putting the dx there w/o talking to me first!!! that did make me really mad and she was def. in the wrong but i'm willing to forgive her. i try not to hold vendetta's.

    she didn't even mention the sh in the dx. i think these people who work in mental health are amazing creatures because they can remember so much stuff! WOW! Having the bpd dx. means I can get well! even tho i have the other which i wonder if i really do???

    i can't understand tho why after 18 yrs. in the mental health therapy it hasn't ever come across to anyone before?? Quiet weird! I think my first t coached me to say things that fit when i didn't even know what was up and what was down....very messed up beyond recognition when I first came there. some of my biggest pitfalls i have never grappled with. this is where the real work begins. so much to work on Lordie!
    mandybutterflykiss responded:

    Just when you accept the dx given, they change the DSM5 which in turn, changes the dx. Which I find frustrating. After all, relief is found when given a dx, because then we have a point in which to work from.

    Most of what we experience can fall under One dx and then the other lessor "traits" are considered a "symptom" of that dx.

    Example: My Complex PTSD with Stalkholm Syndrome.

    Break this down and you get:
    Magor Depressive Disorder
    Panic Disorder
    Eating Disorder
    OCD Disorder
    Sleep Disorder
    and much more....

    Over the years only individual symptoms were looked at and then when I found my current pdoc, T, Psych, they combined heads and looked at the entire big picture and hence finally: I had a dx that explained everything. Once this occurred, I had a "starting" point in which to work from... And you can see, the difference this has made in me from a year ago...

    I'm glad your pdoc is willing to look at the big picture to help you. Now it will begin to all become clear and you'll know where your "starting" point is... God Bless, SB.


    Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
    sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
    yes you are right! I've been working on so many things that I'm just exhausted! Having the bad depression for a week and a half really sucked and after my appt today with t i'm rather back in it. but doing the next right thing to help myself and that is taking office help out to lunch!
    and then working on the gifts for next month! HMMM

    she said getting angry at myself doesn' t remedy the problem. Damn it i don't want to be this way! I don't I don't I don't! So therefore I'm going to do something about it!!!!!!!!!!!!

    work harder even. I had a weak time last weekend and sh'd. I know that is why she wasn't really offering up anything to make another appt. She's like well if you're not going to prove it and change then i'll help cuz you're here but then after that you can just see other t. So i had to ask for an appt. I hate to be beholden!

    I'm going to get over this stupid dx. I'm going to change!
    Kate_Te replied to sittingbull594's response:
    SB -

    Have you investigated Bi-polar? Are you BP1 or BP2? Read up on it and see if you agree. All I know is one Pdoc can read your symptoms one way the next another.

    My last trip to the hospital, I was diagnosed with BP2. I completely disagreed with the diagnosis & asked my Pdoc - she didn't agree with diagnosis either & stuck with Personality disorder NOS (with a strong leaning towards borderline).

    It all depends on who's reviewing your symptoms. As long as you agree that this diagnosis fits your symptoms, then learn the treatment opportunities for you.
    sittingbull594 replied to Kate_Te's response:
    i'm not bp. however, between 2 t's that have known me a very long time and two pdocs they believe i'm bpd...borderline personality disorder.

    I can see things they can't see. and they see things i can't see.

    it will work out how it works out i suppose i just don't like it. my reg t tells me that

    i guess we don't always have to like anything we are but in order to get better I gotta work on acceptance. radical acceptance of who i am and what i am. it bites the big one o well sigh enuf enuf

    i've been thru a lot as we all have and we're still surviven so that's all that matters. my cac t told me today that when we fight to not accept things as they are that puts us back in the victim role. I don't want to be no victim because victims are people who can't advocate for themselves who have tragedy happen to them who are helpless. no more will i be a victim!

    i wrote a letter several weeks ago to my response to my brother and wished i hadn't! i don't even want to deal with him! ugh! he definetly will put me back into victim role and i don't wanna go there ......

    i talked to my daughter today and she seemed happy. she took off work today to be with her hubby and have a good time. It sounded like she was going to a taco beer tasting festival. i wish i could do something fun like that!... my husband wants to go to a movie but i'm very afraid after the aurora shootings happened. in my state! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    lowdown replied to sittingbull594's response:
    CAUTION MAY TRIGGER----------------------------------------

    I have Major deppressive disorder, Border line Personality Disorder and I was ok with that. What brought me down was when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I thought my life was over because I now had 3 disorders. But my T gave me some words of wisdom, she said that "Yes you have those disorders but they do not define who you are." So today it's ok that I have one more disorder in my lifeThere's more to me than them as a whole person. So remember BPD is what you have not who you are.
    sittingbull594 replied to lowdown's response:
    thanks for the advice lowdown! I was in an aa meeting and i'm not exaggerating when I tell you 5 women said that they had been involved with bpd men and they were rotten men! it made me gulp because I had just been dx'd with this disorder.

    I will surely pay more attention that it's what I have not who I am. have a great easter

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