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mandybutterflykiss posted:
I'm open to idea's, suggestions, feedback in regards to finding new meaning in life as a physically disabled person.. All of my physical disabilities (caused by the trauma's, abuse, etc of my life) are in their downward spiral phase.

This means from now until Next Winter I fight each day just to breathe, to get comfortable from pain, to not pass out, to... well, you get the point. It is a struggle just to be conscious.

Oh... and did I mention the newest disability from trauma/abuse? My vision is getting worse. My left eye has macular degeneration, lots of scar tissue and my right eye has been overcompensating so this in turn has weakend that eye. I have to have special eye glasses made that cost over $500 because of the left eye...something about conclave, when it was split in half it did not heal correctly so the focal point is divided and at different angles.

It's a good thing I tend to be agoraphobic because with my health issues, it gets very isolating for me as others just can't understand and accept my disabilities keeping me from hanging out or doing things with them.

My T state's I need to find new meaning...I'm at a loss...

Thanks.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
Reply
 
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sittingbull594 responded:
hi bonnie. i suggest you have a long talk with God. what would God have you do? sometimes trying to reinvent ourselves is a God ?.
i know for me i know that there is always someone less than i am physically, mentally, spiritually. for some reason for you i thought of helen keller and all of her struggles. i thought she really had it rank except she wasn't abused that i know of.

i do remember way back when that i was told to find someone i admired and study them. is there someone alive or passed that had physical and mental challenges taht you could look to?

or maybe u look towards many people who have different positive qualities and how they handle things. ive always for myself thought of going to a burn unit since i have a lot of scars on me fropm that behavior.

im truly really really sorry you're having this struggle. it ain't over till the fat lady sings and I AIN'T SINGIN!
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
God Bless you SB. This is just what I needed to boost myself up.

I Thank you for mentioning someone I admire who had a physical or mental challenge... I thought of healthy one's and pushed others back in the deep shadows of my mind. You mentioning this triggered me in a good way.

You made me think of the many patients I have taken care of and the struggles they went through, their courage, their strength. I need to show myself the compassion that I would show to my patients. I need to remember this and keep it close to the surface as inspiration.

God works in mysterious ways...He spoke through you to bring this to light.

Thank God and Thank You, SB!
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
bonnie

i'm glad it was useful. wow you are ever evolving! I'm so very proud of you and proud for you! You are an amazing woman! and don't ever let that shawdow you! in an unpleasant way.

i read the post you sent to me and went wow too!!

i should never have another person or entity (none of us should) play havoc with me (us)! i am happy that you saw the power of God thru me. I came and went a few times trying to figure out what to say to you. It is then that I prayed and by golly if i didn't have the words. I didn't realize then when i wrote it was God and I'm really glad you pointed it out to me! WOW! this is wonderful stuff.
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
((((((SB))))))
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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lovely_lemon_tree replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
(((Bonnie)))

I'm so sorry you have to go through things like this. It may be such a rotten situation and it's really not fair, is it? But I think the moral of the story is that although we have disabilities (some of us physically, some of us emotionally or otherwise), I think we can't let our disabilities get in the way of our living our life to the fullest.

SB is right, we must find our lighted paths through the darkness. One way is to find people we admire who have it so hard (like Helen Keller) and know that they have come through it. They can be role models to us.

Have you talked to your regular doctor about this stuff that you're going through? That you can barely stay conscious and if there's anything they can do to help? Sometimes, the best things we can do is take it in little steps -- little goals, like to stay awake for an hour, then an hour and 15 minutes, then the next week an hour and a half at a time. Little steps are building blocks we may not realize are there to the bigger goals we have for ourselves.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
LLT,

I have done as SB suggested and thought of a patient of mine who became a quadroplegic after her BF and Uncle in a seperate car on Prom Night, drunkly hit her car. (She was sober)... I took care of her for months... When she finally came to... it was to the realization that she was paralyzed from the neck down, would have to stay on a ventalator for life, all of her hopes, dreams, future robbed from her... She had a future before that seemed so dark and bleak. But this young woman had courage, such inner strength, and so much faith in God. Her family was very close and loving.
The day came for them to take her home and you know what? She told me she was going to start a teen hotline, advocate for alcohol and drug free prom's, etc.. She found purpose... her light in the dark.

I have started attending a peer support group and will join a women's group starting next week. I may not like "what is" in regards to my health but I do have to learn to accept it. I'm trying to see that if I can only smile and make someone's day, send a card to someone to lift them up, it matters... small acts of kindness do add up and I need to remember this.

Funny, this made me think of Martha and Mary when Jesus went to visit. While Martha slaved away in the kitchen trying to make a difference, Mary was making more of a difference by simply sitting at Jesus' feet.

Thank you Lovely and SB for helping me to keep it real...
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
(((((((bonnie)))))))))

I'm ever so thankful for you! You have been such a gift to this forum.

I stand in awe of all the great women here! I'm so glad I found a family here with ya'll.

A friend of mine says to me on occassion May God walk before you. I used to feel funny when she said and now I say it to you and hope you can find comfort in that simple sentence.

I went to the doctor this afternoon and she didn't be mean to me. I was so scared of her! She thinks I have an infection and put me on antibiotics. She was kind and I was very relieved. She was herself! I prayed a lot about this and my reading this morning said," As you go thru this day, trust me to provide the strength that you need moment by moment."
This was Jesus talking to me as we read a daily that is : Jesus Calling.

I hope this lifts you up bonnie!! I know it's EXTREMELY DIFFICULT!!! to be in your body every day!

God bless.
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

I'm glad to be a part of such a wonderful, loving family such as ours here. I, who was alone, wanting a family and God provided it to me.

In a years time, you have all been with me as I spun out of control and descended into the dark abyss... You have also watched me grow and evolve as I ascended back into the light.

I've read Jesus Calling... That's a great read. I'm currently reading Promises for Women, God's word. I had lost my way so it is good to be back on the spiritual path. The odd thing was... I was afraid that my pain and emotional turmoil was hurting Jesus and so I pulled away...

Do you know, you were the one, who brought not religion to this board, but restored faith, no matter what our individual viewpoints may be.

Thank you SB...
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
no i did not know that that i brought faith here??? how's that?? i'm glad you found goodness in what i bring to the board. i don't care for when i'm a grumbling one!

i try very hard to be objective about things and sometimes (iu think) that comes off as being cold. i never mean that however! it's just that i can see my emotionality in ohters because we all have that point to some extent in each other and so i can reason what would be some possiblities to solve the problem or what have you and so on and so forth....

Man you sure made my day gf! by saying i brought some faith here. You can thank God and one of my bff's for that.
my oldest and dearest friend beej.

have a good weekend


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