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awfully quiet here....
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sittingbull594 posted:
I miss ya'll here. Seems like it's been just a couple of us here. Where is my extended family??

I canceled my health doc visit this morning cuz i'm just to wigged out about it. If i pass out o well! Not gonna worry about it anymore. If i don't think about being sick I won't be sick! she refilled my pain meds which surprised me!

I had a really good session today with t. She was very kind to me and gave me a hug which was really nice. she spent about 20 extra mins. with me. she tole me she wanted me to be happy and not hate myself so much. A very tall order!!! I wish i could trust my t like i did my first t. I don't know what it will take for me to do that. I've known this t for a very long time and used to have her as my iop group t.

hmmm. any shunshine on this ?? = thoughts or ideas??

I know Dem is being busy with her grandbaby and kitty is probably off in the shawdows making dirt balls and throwing them at Snowy! did i get that right kitty??
and now i'm watching the news and hear about N. Korea wanting to nuke us. WOW! SCARRY!!!!

THE NEWS SAID A 1000 MILES IS ALL THEY HAVE TO DO THIS. SO THEY SAY. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THESE CRAZIES ALL OVER THE WORLD .......???

GOD KEEP US SAFE AND THE REST OF WHO IS THREATENING TO AMERICAN SOIL
Reply
 
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off_the_wall responded:
I'm very glad you had a good session with your t. I unfortunately don't have advice on how to trust your t since I've never been able to trust a t. As far as the med doc, can you get a new one? It sounds like you feel like you have to prove your innocence to this doctor and since you did nothing wrong, you shouldn't be made to feel that way. Med docs should be a dime a dozen, right? I know in my area there seem to be plenty to choose from. I feel scared about N Korea too because they singled out a city that is close to where all my family live and claimed they want to nuke it. It's scary to feel threatened like that. I don't know why everyone in the world hates us???
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
what city??

My sone is on the west coast. I'm wondering if this will be our annilation and that this is the reason i've been getting closer to God??

I REALLY REALLY TIRGGER

TRIGGER....................................
TRIGGER.....................................

REALLY REALLY WANT TO CUT
 
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off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
Austin

I do too but I'm going to try to go to bed instead. Can you do the same?
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
TRIGGER
TRIGGER
TRIGGER
YUP IT IS

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
CRAZY 8;S

FOR EVERY TIME I LIE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PUNISH MYSELF! MY MOTHER WAS A HABITUAL LIAR AND I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE HER. TODAY I LIED ONCE TO THERAPIST AND I REALIZED WHEN I GOT HOME THAT I STRETCHED A COUPLE OF OTHER TRUTHS. I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT NOW BUT I'M GOING TO BREAK THIS AND NOT END UP LIKE MY MOM!!!!! THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I'M GOING TO MENTION IT. NO WHERE ELSE IS SAFE.
I DONT KNOW IF I'M SCHIZOAFFECTIVE AND BPD TOO OR JUST BPD AND THE MEDS WORKED SOMETIMES AND OTHER TIMES THEY DIDN'T? MAYBE THIS IS WHY I'M SO CRAZY. IM WORRIED ABOUT MY SON ON THE WEST COAST BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. SIGH
WHY DOES SUCH EVIL HAVE TO BE IN THE WORLD.
I'M LONELY. I ALWAYS SEEM TO BE LONELY AND I DON'T KNOW WHY??? I TONIGHT FEEL VERY EMPTY.I ALMOST DID TWO THINGS TODAY ONE BY ACCIDENT. THIS MORNING WHEN I STARTED MY JEEP I FORGOT TO OPEN THE GARAGE DOOR. MY JEEP WAS ON FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES. THEN I REALIZED THE DOOR WAS CLOSED. TONIGHT I WANTED TO DIE BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING A LONG TIME AGO THAT CONTINUED INTO MY PRESENT LIFE AND I CAN NEVER TELL ANYONE OR ANYTHING WHAT I DID. NEVER EVER! IM REALLY REALLY A HORRIBLE PERSON! IS THERE A PART OF ME THAT SOMEITMES IS KIND?? YEAH IS THERE A PART SOMETIMES THAT IS LOVING? YEAH MY MOTHER RAISED ME AND I AM HER CHILD.
SIGH........................EVERY TIME I LIE I'M GOING TO SHOW ME WHAT IT MEANS TO TELL A LIE! I'M GOING TO BREAK THIS! I'M GOING TO STOP IT OR ELSE! I WILL!
I WILL STOP THIS! I WILL!
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

You are perfect in your imperfection.
God does not make mistakes.

You say that you can "never tell anyone" but I disagree. God is there for you and will listen without judgement.

There is a reason for your actions and reactions. The challenge is to discover what purpose they serve.

We all lie. We lie to ourselves and others. Wisdom does not stem from the answers... it comes from knowing the correct questions to ask.

The lie's may be a belief that society, parents, peers, etc have taught to us. It may be something we taught ourselves based only on information we understood at the time, or on emotions. The humanity of having an emotional and conceptual mind. We all embody light and darkness. We are all given "free will."

Budda said: "Question everything and believe nothing." So I challenge you, SB to question the lies, question the why's of the lies, question the purpose of the lies, question, question, question... wisdom is in the questions....

We are all born of sin. Thankfully Jesus died for us and took this sin from us. God is a forgiving father.

You know the quote I favor: "Life is the school, Love is the lesson?" For me this means that God has given us this life and the challenges before us so as to help us grow in Love. Love of others, Love of self, Love of Him.

John 1:19 God is faithful and reliable. If we confess our sins, he forgives them and cleanses us from everything we've done wrong.

Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other warmly, because love covers many sins.

SB, Dear Sister, you judge yourself harshly. Why? We do not judge you and neither does God.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
amen. u write deep b onnie. i am very sleepy tho been up a while. would like to go back to bed. feel like i'm dead inside.
the depression has erupted due to my actions. sigh o well.

i am the orchestrator of my own life. God is my keeper for sure. but withthe free will i have done very stupid things! no i have not killed. nor would ever. only to kill off self.

im not in a good spot so i'm not goin to write anymore. 2 tired.
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
Sweet Dreams and gentle hugs to you SB.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.


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