Skip to content

Announcements

It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

How and Why to Report a Post
i feel suicidal
avatar
sittingbull594 posted:
trigger

nothingness to write so i dont trigger
nothingness to write so i don't grriter

i hope thats enuf heads up
7 iu[p
today is an ugly day i guess my daughter won't call today and if she does it might be to late
i called crisis coundelr and first told thme i was in mtn. i later was found out when my delivery driver showed up and range the bell twice is as customary
i apologized. i lied again and you know what that means
im tired of being anxious i'm tired of it all i looked at the cute video my dil sent me with my gdbaby and son and i melt each time but it doesn't seem to be enuf to keep here
im succopse to go to a group at 5 and its 3 now will have to leave at 4 and am crazy about it. i dont know how im gonna get to it? i have no energy so so tired. i took 3 klonopin yesterday at l time and im still zapped. i have 9.5 of them left and that is what i'd like to take.
i'm trying to decide to go to goroup and wonder how i'll make it considering i cant drive. can't go by taxi cab. so sleepy. i wonder how much a taxi is?? g would hate me for it. and if i survive this time i cannot afford a 1k hospital visit.i dont feel like drinking or sh'g i just feel like dieing once and for all. im so ashamed i have only prayed once to god.
how do you even tell someone other than our gang this stuff im going to try and talk to you.
my daughter is mad at me or else she would have called me yesterday. she said she'd call today but i can't deal with when whe will call which will be late or whatever im a loser and i know it
i cut last week and then cleaned it out with a seam ripper cuz it
had ashes in it from burning it too but its not big enough to make a statement. i'm to tired to do that too. g is getting to tired to work i think and i need a replacement nothing against him he beats his head out to work an dits been slowwww 4.25 he'll be busyu thats for sure and we'll get more reviews. i can't imagine how our competition stays alive wiht the shoddy work thye do!
we demand expertise from us! i have to ask help if she'll keep phones to her till 5. and check once at 7:30 if there is anything?
i do a lot for her so she should do a lot for me! she get s it very easy.
so i think i'll throw in a favor! yessiree!!!
i hate myself all my fat and all that i am. im so embarrassed of me that i want to make myself puke.. HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!
Reply
 
avatar
off_the_wall responded:
SB, first of all, keep praying. God will see you through. He promises he will never give us more than we can bare. I know it feels like you can't bare it all, but you can because he would never break a promise.

God tells us to forgive. And that includes forgiving ourselves. If you lie then you need to forgive yourself not make things worse by SHing. I know I often feel the same way.... that I need to punish myself.... but it just adds to the problem, it doesn't fix the problem.

Second, call back the crisis line, talk to your husband, call your T.... reach out to others for help and support. Be honest about how you are feeling. Maybe even call your daughter. It's entirely possible that she hasn't called because she is busy, not because she is mad at you.

Hang in there SB. I understand how you feel because I have been there many times myself and it's a dark place but you can rise up above that. Turn to God, pray, meditate, and reach other to others. ((((Hugs))))
 
avatar
katenewbie replied to off_the_wall's response:
((((((((((((SB))))))))))))

Please call a crisis line or your crisis counselor. If you really want to go to this meeting, can anyone give you a ride? If it's AA I know a lot of people would be willing.

I told someone today that I was old, fat & ugly - so trust me I know how you feel. I just keep distracting & meditating. Something you always tell me is that I don't know what's in others minds, so how come you know what's in your daughters? You can survive this, there are options.

Much Love,
Kate_Te
 
avatar
mandybutterflykiss responded:
SB,

It sounds like you are overwhelmed and need a break. I concur with both OTW and Kate_Te.

Please seek out help and to heck with stressing over having to pay for it... bills were there before you were born and will be there long after you depart this world.

Let's see: You are a woman, a grandmother, a mother, a wife, a friend, a collegue, and so very much more... Considering all of this, SB, doesn't sound like you are a "loser." It does sound like you are in need of rest, you time, healing.

Body Image: I like to think our bodies are on loan to us from God so as to house our soul. He gave you this gift. In "His" image and he does not make mistakes!

SB, please reach out for help. You, dear woman, are worth this. Please be gentle with yourself.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
avatar
friedeggs replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
echo the words of the others please be safe
~ Live in faith and expect the best. Through every trial, God will make sure you come out better than before.~
 
avatar
sittingbull594 replied to friedeggs's response:
husband has meds except my noons. the only reason i'm still here is that he took my meds last night. i have a bunch of benedryl in my purse and i'm sure there is aspirin and i have tylenol also. so the mix could very well do the trick.
 
avatar
mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

Please, please, don't do it... please get help... I have become stronger because of you all here... You all made life worth fighting for... so please do as you have taught me...fight to live SB, fight to live...
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
avatar
off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
You must have spoken up last night in order to have your husband keep you safe by taking the meds. I'm proud of you. That isn't an easy thing to do. Please speak up again and let him know about the medications in your purse.
 
avatar
katenewbie replied to off_the_wall's response:
SB -
I echo Bonnie & OTW's words. You are worth it. I, like OTW am proud you gave up your meds. Now, please remove the temptation and give him what's in your purse.
Kate_Te
 
avatar
slik_kitty replied to sittingbull594's response:
you may not feel like saving yourself, but think of those you will be leaving behind. they and us will not be happier if you are gone. hugs.

it's a new day this morning, and the sun is out again. step outside your door and absorb some of those sun's rays.
 
avatar
sittingbull594 replied to slik_kitty's response:
HO HUM.....WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAD SOME KLONOPIN AROUND HERE FROM BACK WHEN I GOT TO TAKE IT AND IT HELPEDMY ANXIETY! I TOOK 3 ONE NIGHT WITH 4 HYDROXYZINE AND IT DIDN'T HELP AND I TOOK 3 LAST NIGHT WITH 4 HYDROXYZINE AND I STILL WOKE UP! I DONT FEEL DRUGGED EITHER'MY DAUGHTER KEEPS TELLING ME I HAVE NO REASON TO COMMIT SUICIDE WHICH IS REALLY LUDE CONSIDERING SHE'S NOT WALKING IN MY SHOES. IM JUST PLAIN DEPRESSED.I WONDER IF I'LL HAVE A SEISUER SINCE I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE KLOPONIN CUZ I NEED THEM FOR MY CALI TRIP TO SEE GRANDBABY ..............YES THAT MEANS I'M STAYIN G HERE I GUESS.
NOT TRULY HAPPY ABOUT THAT DECISION. WANT TO RUN AND HIDE! SO I'M GONNA HIDE IN MY HOUSE TODAY AND I DO HAVE TO GO OUT AND GET HUSBANDS MEDS HE CAN'T HE'S BOOKED SOLID TODAY
ITS HARD TO RECOGNIZE WHO AND WHAT I AM. I DON'T LIKE WHAT I C. DO U LIKE U ON MOST DAYS? I'VE STRUGGLED FOR SO MANY YEARS WITH THE SELF HATE. BECAUSE I'M SO BIG THEY'D HAVE TO PROBABLY CUT ME UP TO INCINERATE ME THEY BROKE MY UNCLES LEGS TO GET HIM IN THE CASKET AND IT WAS REALLY DISGUSTING! AND THEN THEY PUT HIM RIGHT WHERE YOU WENT TO SIT BEFORE THE SERVICES AND I WAS OUTRAGED! YOU COULDN'T HELP BUT SEE HIM! UNLESS ITS MY CHILDREN GRANDCHILD HUSBAND I WILL NOT BE GOING TO ANOTHER SERVICE ..............nope

TODAY IS A NEW DAY KITTY AND IT FEELS SOME BETTER. I HATE THAT I AM SUCH A FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I APOLOGIZE TO THE BOARD FOR ALL OF MY UGLY POSTS. I'D TRY TO SAY I WON'T DUE IT AGAIN BUT I CAN'T GUARANTEE THAT.
 
avatar
off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
I'm so glad you still woke up and I truly hope you won't continue to try to OD. Did you know that when God looks at you he sees absolute perfection? He made you exactly the way that he wanted you to be and when he looks at you, all he sees is beauty. I read a devotional the other day that talked about how God tells us to focus our thoughts on things that are true, things that are honest, things that are pure, things that are lovely. The devotional talked about how we can't control what thoughts pop into our minds but we can control what thoughts we focus on. I thought that was a helpful message for me and maybe it could also help you.
 
avatar
sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
I DONT KNOW WHY GOD KEEP ME HERE BUT THERE IS APPARENTLY A REASON?? IM STILL DEPRESSED AND HAD A TALK WITH HUSBAND THIS AM . HE SAID HE COULD SEE IT COMING A WEEK AGO. TOLD ME ALL THE SIGNS HE SAW WHICH I WAS FLABBERGASTED HE KNEW IT WAS COMING BECAUSE I DIDN'T. DO YA'LL SEE ME AS WELL GOING DOWNHILL? WOULD LIKE TO KNOW AS THIS WOULD BE HELPFUL INFO. MY POOR DAUGHTER AND HUBBY YA'LL MY NEIGHBOOR. I HAVEN'T BEEN IN CONTACT WITH FRIENDS. BEEN HIDING AWAY NOT GETTING DRESSED EVER.I WANNA GO TO SLEEP. BUT I SLEPT 13 HOURS EACH NIGHT THE LAST 2. HUS BAND IS CRITICAL OF ME AND IT MAKES ME MADE AND MAKES ME WANT TO DO THE DEED WE ALL DO. O WELL.. JUST IGNORE THIS POST CUZ IT IS DUMN
 
avatar
mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

You have been struggling alot lately...but then again... you have way too much on your plate to deal with and no breathing room. Heck, I'd be beyond 'depressed.'

It is hard to ascend out of the dark pit when the problems that put us there are waiting when we come out and remain unchanged and we have to "use coping skills" constantly knowing that "coping" is not fixing. (sigh)...

I'm must say however, I am glad that God brought you and everyone else here... for you all are the light in my darkness.

Love to you SB.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
avatar
sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
I HAD MY NEIGHBOOR DOWN FOR COFFEE. THEY DIDN'T PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF MY OD ON KLOPIN. I BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF ASPIRIN. WHAT A LOVELY THING TO SAY YOU ARE ALL THE LIGHT IN YOUR DARKENSS BONNIE.

I HAD BEEN DOING SO WELL. DON'T WANT TO GO SEE SON.
DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. TRIGGER)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I WON'T GO BACK TO THE STUPID PLACE I WAS AT THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY AS I WAS THERE FROM 2P. TILL 2 A.M. I'M REALLY MAD I GUESS IT WAS A HALF ASSED ATTEMPT TO DO IT. I GUESS I NEED TO DO MORE PILLS LIKE THE ENTIRE BOTTLE! THIS TIME AROUND. I HAVE ON PINK TODAY.
ITS A HAPPY FEELING BUT I DON'T SEEM TO FEEL HAPPY BECAUSE OF IT.

EVEN THO MY PARAGRAPHS DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT BREAKS IN THE M I THOUGHT IT COURTEOUS TO MAKE SOME SO ITS EASIER TO READ EVEN IF ITS SOMETHING SOMEONE TAKES THE TIME TO READ. WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL I DO' TEVEN REMEMBER THEM TAKING BLOOD!
QUIET ODD. I HAD THIS COTTONBALL AND TAPE ON MY ARM AND IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. I GUESS I'LL TRY TO DO SOME SERIOUS SH AND SEE WHAT HAPPENDS. G DROPPED HIS LIGHTER ONE DAY AND I PICKED IT UP AND HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO IT. BECAUSE HE DROPS IT ALL THE TIME I KNEW HE WOULDN'T FIGUREIT OUT!

DO I WANT TO DIE OR DO I JUST WANT TO NOT BE BOTHERED WITH THINGS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME!? IM NOT SEEING THE PERMANANCE LIKE MY PARENTS ARE DEAD AND MY SISTER BUT I JUST FIGURE I WILL BE REUNITED WITH THEM SOME DAY AND IT WILL BE FINE. BECAUSE GOD GIVES US UNIVERSAL LIFE I WILL BE WITH THEM ETERNALLY. THAT IS WHERE I S I GO. I WANT TO CRASH JEEP INTO SOMETHING AND THINK DON'T WANT TO TOTALY IT CUZ OF G HAVING TO PICK UP THE PIECES!
I'D LIKE TO GO TO THE MOUNTAINS BUT TO MUCH SNOW AND COLD. I KNOW IT WOULD HURT MY DUGHTER FERY MUCH BUT IN TIME SHE'S BE OK. I DON'T THINK (NOT SURE) IF I HALP HER WITH HER LIFE OR NOT? im so sad... and tho i'm 5;10" tall im very samll person. trying to work my way up to this


Spotlight: Member Stories

Another crazy cold weather loving Canuck who has been hanging around for awhile. I am a medical radiation technologist in radiography and soon Magneti...More

Helpful Tips

real useable smilies part 4
http://www.myemoticons.com/emoticons/images/msn/girlie/teddy.gif gotta have a cute stuffie! ... More
Was this Helpful?
24 of 33 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.