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NO SLEEP (TRIGGER)
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off_the_wall posted:
I have had almost no sleep for 4 1/2 months now. I've read a handful of books on baby sleep, all promising to help my baby sleep through the night but nothing even comes close to helping. I'm not looking for unsolicited advice because frankly whatever you have to suggest I have likely already tried. I'm just so tired and the screaming is setting to me off. Every morning my mind screams I WANT TO KILL MYSELF! I don't actually but my mind can't handle all of this. I have no one to turn to, no support but here so thank you for listening and being here for me. I will continue to respond lovingly to my baby whenever she needs me, I just might not have the energy to try to counteract any unloving actions made towards myself.
Reply
 
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mandybutterflykiss responded:
OTW...

Hugs... I will say some prayers for you.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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off_the_wall replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
Thank you Bonnie. I need them right now.
 
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friedeggs replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
I am going to say this even if this means you have to be upset with me, a true friend will be say the truth, you really need to do something. you can not keep going at the pace you are going. ion. please stop putting cant, dont want to things like that, you really need help even if means stepping out of your comfort zone. going that long that long without enough sleep can be very unhealthy and lead to very bad choices, i know you i that you are not a mean person. i know you love you family and friends. we love you too and we need to be safe, i still hold are relationship dear. i need need you.PLEASE PLEASE do something to help yourself, before god forbid this causes you to do something you can tale back
~ Live in faith and expect the best. Through every trial, God will make sure you come out better than before.~
 
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sittingbull594 replied to friedeggs's response:
i'm takin dems side. how can you put the mask on yourself first so you can save those babies ????
YOU CAN'T NOT NOW AND IF SOMETING BIG SHOUL DHAPPEND YOU MAY NOT BE ABLED TO REACT CORECTLY1
you are onot being a super mom by not getting any sleep. at least i did have my mom for 6 mosn. off and on. and while i didn't sleep i rested.
i know you need support and that is what i've been trying to do but now i see that is futuile. you need more help then we can give you need your husband to step up and help you MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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off_the_wall replied to sittingbull594's response:
Great, I'm a bad mom then. All the more reason to SH.
 
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friedeggs replied to off_the_wall's response:
that is NOT what i said. you are NOT a bad mother. i was trying to you how the lack of sleep can affect the choices we make if do not we do get the proper rest. i love you and wanted to help NOT hurt. i know how you are about those people but you need help/ i was not going to sit back and not say anything. i have enough self hate. now i have to deal with the the fact that one of my friends chose to sh because they misunderstood my words
~ Live in faith and expect the best. Through every trial, God will make sure you come out better than before.~
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to friedeggs's response:
OFT, SB, Friedeggs,

You are all dealing with so very much right now. I am saying prayers for you all, my sisters, so that peace enters and stressors leave. I have no advice or wisdom to share... But I have lots of loves and the power of prayer.

I Love You All...
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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friedeggs replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
this is not about sides this about keeping you safe. but i do agree with sb that you are on a very unhealthy grounds more than this board then this board can cope. but that does ot change that fact that we all love you and our a big part og this gamily
~ Live in faith and expect the best. Through every trial, God will make sure you come out better than before.~
 
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sittingbull594 replied to friedeggs's response:
ITS VERY HARD TO HEAR THINGS WE DON'T LIKE TO HEAR. ITS VERY HARD TO SAY THINGS WE DON'T LIKE TO SAY. YOU WILL FIND DEAR SWEET OTW THAT WHEN YOUR DAUGHTERS GET THE OLDER THEY GET THE GOING GETS TOUGHTER. MY ONLY WISH IS FOR YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. YOU SAID IN ONE POST YOUR HUSBAND DIDN'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE STRESSED OUT SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT THAT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ALL THE FUSS WAS ABOUT. WELL THAT LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THAT HE IN FACT DOES GET SLEEP. HE NEEDS TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU SO THAT YOU CAN GET SOME REST. ITS HARD ENOUGH HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS AND THEN NO SLEEP ON TOP OF IT MAKES IT A BOUT A A MILLION TIMES MORE WORSE. I CARE AND LIKE DEM SAID I WOULDN'T BE TOUGH LIKE THIS AND YOUCAN CUSS ME HATE ME OR WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO ME BUT I CARE AND I THINK YOU KNOW THAT BY NOW. IN GOD WE TRUST ((((((((((((((((b)))))))))))))))))))))
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
OTW,

What advice do you think Caprice would have given to you?

What would Jesus Do?
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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off_the_wall replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
Bonnie, coincidentally I've asked myself both of those questions lately. I've been upset again that Caprice is no longer here. I think she would have respected my request on this thread for no unsolicited advice so instead she would have just offered support and understanding. Which I think is why I got so upset with SB. But, I know she and Dem are only offering their advice out of love so I'm over it and I'm sorry for acting out defensively.

As far as what Jesus would do- I believe he would continue to get up all night long to care for his baby and when he got depressed and Satan tempts him to SH, he would pray for help through it. Even if that means being in prayer 24/7. I am trying. I truly am.

Thank you. And thank you Dem and SB. I am sorry for getting upset with y'all.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to off_the_wall's response:
((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))) You and I have known each other for a very long time no???? I love you so much I don't think you realize that. From the log roll at school (you know what i'm talkin about!) to now being such an excellent mama!
I never meant to hurt you I only wanted to try and make you see that you need to get some help before you do something that is hard to choke down.
when we are sleep deprived all kinds of things happen.
that is all i was aiming at and I thought when i give advice I feel you shoot that down so I thought I would play hard ball and see if that would make you realize you sure in my opinion get some help.
I've been there B and so i really realize what you're going thru and its so hard SO FRIGIN HARD! i KNEW YOU WOULD GET MAD AT ME AND I RESPECT THAT. I WAS HOPING THAT THRU THAT ANGER YOU WOULD REACT TO SOMETHING THAT WOULD CHANNELO THAT ANGER INTO SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN THE SUFFERING YOU GO THRU.

IF I DIDN'T LOVE YOU IF I DIDN'T CARE IF I WAN'T INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE EVEN THO WE'RE CYBER FRIENDS I FELT I COULDN'T IDLY STAND BY AND LET YOU SUFFER ANYMORE. ITS PAINFUL TO WATCH YOU SWEETIE. I WILL PRAY YOU GET SLEEP SOON AND THAT THE BABIES SLEEP MORE HOURS AND E GETS HER LITTLE BELLY FULL SO SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP SOMUCH. LARA MY OLDEST TOOK A WHILE BEFORE SHE WOULDN'T SLEEP ALL THE TIME WHEN I WAS TRYING TO NURSE HER.
I SURVIVED DEN SURVIVED BUT WE BOTH REALIZE THAT THERE ARE BETTER WAYS AND ONLY WANTED THAT BRASSNESS TO HAVE YOU ACT ON YOUR ANGER TO GET SOMEONE TO HELP YOU .... THAT IS ALL. IT WAS NOT INTENDED TO GET YOU TO REACT IN A POSITIVE WAY AND GET SOME HELP. THAT'S ALL. NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS. OK??

I'M REALLY SUPER SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS AND UPSET THE APPLE CART. I'M REALLY TAHNKFUL THAT YOU CAME BACK AND THAT WE CAN HAVE THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THINGS. YOU'RE SENSITIVE PERSON AS AM I. I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN OK???

HUGGERS. F


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