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sittingbull594 posted:
I HAVE WENT BACK AND FORTH FOR HOW MANY DAYS ON MY DEMISE?

TIRGGIER

TRIGGER


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I'VE RESEARCHED OVER AND OVER TONIGHT ABOUT HOWMUCH HYDROXYZINE IT WOULD TAKE TO PUT ME UNDER. I HAD HIM GIVE ME THEMEDICINE AND TRICKED HIM WHICH WAS REALLY UNDERHANDED. I TOOK 10 OUT OF IT. AND PUSHED THE RX OVER ON HIS SIDE OF THE TABLE BUT HE DIDN'T TAKE IT. WE WATCHED A GOOD MOVIE WHICH I DON'T NORMALLY LIKE TELE.
I JUST WANT TO SLEEP FOR A REALLY REALLY LONG TIME. I SLEPT TILL 8 THIS MORNING AND WENT BACK TO BED AND SLEPT TILL NOON. NEVER DID GET OUT OF PJ'S. I FEEL MY HUSBANDS LIFE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITH OUT ME SO WOULD DAUGHTER AND WELL SON ISN'T REALLY IN MY LIFE. SO??? I KNOW IT WOULD HURT A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I WOULD EVENTUALLY BE FORGOTTEN. AS A SURVIVOR OF A SIS'S SUICIDE THO SHE COMES TO ME OFTEN I CRY NO MORE. IM DEBATING IF I CALL METRO CRISIS??? I DON'T THINK I'LL TAKE THE ATARAX. I SHOULDN'T EVEN WRITE HERE BUT I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO EXPRESS MYSELF THAT IS SAFE. I'VE WANTED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND BE ALONE WITH NO RESPONSIBILITIES! NO NOTHINGS. NO MESSYH PIGSTY OF A ROOM THAT I NEED TO CLEAN NO WORK TO DO. NO MEALS TO COOK. AND I DO WANT TO COOK FOR HUSBAND ITS JUST I'M A SLOB THESE LAST 15YEARS AND NEVER WAS BEFORE BUT I GET SO DEPRESSED I DON'T MUCH GIVE A DAMN. THERES NO SENSE OF CALLING A CRISIS LINE TONIGHT I'M JUST SAD AND WANT TO OD BUT I DON'T THINK 10 PILLS WOULD DO IT. 2500 MG. OF HYDROXYZINE? hmmm. i wish i just had a friend to talk to. but there is no one.
Reply
 
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slik_kitty responded:
it's the next day. i hope you are ok. hugs
 
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sittingbull594 replied to slik_kitty's response:
I od'd but presented well enough this morning so they let me go AGAIN! AS CRAPPY AS MY HUSBAND IS TREATING ME ....WELL....I'M JUST GOING TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO AND TRY AND SURVIVE THE GOOD THING IS I SEE MY T TOMORROW AT 2.
HUSBAND IS HOTTER THAN HELL! I INCONVENIENCED HIM AGAIN AND HE'S SICK OF DEALING WITH ME I SUPPOSE AND I DON'T BLAME HIM. THIS IS WHEN I START FEELING WORSE AND THINK I SHOULD BE DEAD. WAT A CATCH 22!

I ONLY OD'D ON ATARAX. SO NO BIG WOO. I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN WENT BUT I GOT SCARED ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AFTER I TOOK IT AND CALLED A CRISIS LINE WHO TOLD ME TO CALL AN ER CHARGE NURSE AND I DID BUT THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME AN ANSWER CUZ I GOT A PHONE MENU AFTER GETTING A LIVE PERSON I GUESS SHE THOUGHT I WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH. SO THE CRISIS LINE PEOPLE CALLED ME BACK AND TOLD ME THEY LOOKED IN A BOOK AND SAID THAT I WAS SERIOUS AND TO GET TO AN ER. SO I DID AND THERE YA HAVE IT. CASE CLOSED. I'M AN IDIIOT SO I WILL QUIT WRITTING HERE!
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
((((((((((((SB))))))))))

No words, just love.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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slik_kitty replied to sittingbull594's response:
I hope you go see your t today. you need to reach for help when you are hurting, not shut down and refuse the help that's out there for you. hugs
 
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sittingbull594 replied to slik_kitty's response:
PLEASE READ AND GIVE ADVICE BEFORE 8:30 A/M IF POSSIBLE THANKS KITTY! AND BONNIE.

I'M SUPPOSE TO GO TO GROUP AT 9 TODAY AND ITS ONLY 15 MINS. AWAY HOWEVER I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS. I NEED TO PUT SELF FORGIVENESS #1 ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO CORRECT IN MY BEHAVIOR AS i CANNOT DO THIS AT THIS TIME!
I'M JUST WANTIN TO LOUNGE TODAY AROUND THE HOUSE. NOT GET DRESSED. VERY TIRED AS I DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT VERY WELL AND SO I'VE HAD HARDLY ANY SLEEP FOR A WWEK.;

THEY WANT ME GOIN TO GROUP BUT WE HAD A HUGE SNOWSTORM AND I WAS IN IT WHEN IT WAS GOING STRONG YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. DO I GO OUT IN IT AGAIN? I HAVE TO LEAVE IN AN HOUR IF I DO GO??
YOUR HELP WOULB BE GREATELY APPREFCIATED
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
SB,

Be safe and sound by staying home in your pj's.

Hugs.
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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slik_kitty replied to sittingbull594's response:
sorry i didn't respond in time. i hope you went. the roads weren't too horribly bad yesterday morning. i was doing just fine until some idiot decided to go around a corner too fast and tried braking to slow down and almost slid into me. luckily i was able to maneuver away enough to avoid getting hit.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to slik_kitty's response:
I'm glad you were able to maneuver well! i SWEAR the other day either drivers were fast or slow or fast or recklass or slow or .....
and the same way with everyone i dealt with WOW
 
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mandybutterflykiss replied to sittingbull594's response:
Sometimes I find myself thinking what a jerk, when a reckless driver is around, or someone speeding or barely moving... Then I take a deep breath and ask God to forgive me and to be with these individuals and keep them safe.

Heck, my driving scares me even.... When really afraid of my driving, I just close my eyes... (okay, the second part was a joke). But seriously, my driving makes me afraid at times, so who am I to judge others?

Anyhow... be safe, say prayers for those who aggitate or annoy, ask for compassion for them and also for yourselves and remember to breathe...
Gra'

Bonnie

Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
 
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sittingbull594 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
ooooo so bonnie has a swift cute sense of humour! goodie!

I get crazed on the roads and drive 60 in a 40 and 80 in a 65. i zip in and out of traffice and am a manic too!

i have been trying to slow it down.. u really help here and everyone who writes me does. Thanks lassies!

f


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