I'VE RESEARCHED OVER AND OVER TONIGHT ABOUT HOWMUCH HYDROXYZINE IT WOULD TAKE TO PUT ME UNDER. I HAD HIM GIVE ME THEMEDICINE AND TRICKED HIM WHICH WAS REALLY UNDERHANDED. I TOOK 10 OUT OF IT. AND PUSHED THE RX OVER ON HIS SIDE OF THE TABLE BUT HE DIDN'T TAKE IT. WE WATCHED A GOOD MOVIE WHICH I DON'T NORMALLY LIKE TELE. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP FOR A REALLY REALLY LONG TIME. I SLEPT TILL 8 THIS MORNING AND WENT BACK TO BED AND SLEPT TILL NOON. NEVER DID GET OUT OF PJ'S. I FEEL MY HUSBANDS LIFE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITH OUT ME SO WOULD DAUGHTER AND WELL SON ISN'T REALLY IN MY LIFE. SO??? I KNOW IT WOULD HURT A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I WOULD EVENTUALLY BE FORGOTTEN. AS A SURVIVOR OF A SIS'S SUICIDE THO SHE COMES TO ME OFTEN I CRY NO MORE. IM DEBATING IF I CALL METRO CRISIS??? I DON'T THINK I'LL TAKE THE ATARAX. I SHOULDN'T EVEN WRITE HERE BUT I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO EXPRESS MYSELF THAT IS SAFE. I'VE WANTED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND BE ALONE WITH NO RESPONSIBILITIES! NO NOTHINGS. NO MESSYH PIGSTY OF A ROOM THAT I NEED TO CLEAN NO WORK TO DO. NO MEALS TO COOK. AND I DO WANT TO COOK FOR HUSBAND ITS JUST I'M A SLOB THESE LAST 15YEARS AND NEVER WAS BEFORE BUT I GET SO DEPRESSED I DON'T MUCH GIVE A DAMN. THERES NO SENSE OF CALLING A CRISIS LINE TONIGHT I'M JUST SAD AND WANT TO OD BUT I DON'T THINK 10 PILLS WOULD DO IT. 2500 MG. OF HYDROXYZINE? hmmm. i wish i just had a friend to talk to. but there is no one.
I od'd but presented well enough this morning so they let me go AGAIN! AS CRAPPY AS MY HUSBAND IS TREATING ME ....WELL....I'M JUST GOING TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO AND TRY AND SURVIVE THE GOOD THING IS I SEE MY T TOMORROW AT 2. HUSBAND IS HOTTER THAN HELL! I INCONVENIENCED HIM AGAIN AND HE'S SICK OF DEALING WITH ME I SUPPOSE AND I DON'T BLAME HIM. THIS IS WHEN I START FEELING WORSE AND THINK I SHOULD BE DEAD. WAT A CATCH 22!
I ONLY OD'D ON ATARAX. SO NO BIG WOO. I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN WENT BUT I GOT SCARED ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AFTER I TOOK IT AND CALLED A CRISIS LINE WHO TOLD ME TO CALL AN ER CHARGE NURSE AND I DID BUT THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME AN ANSWER CUZ I GOT A PHONE MENU AFTER GETTING A LIVE PERSON I GUESS SHE THOUGHT I WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH. SO THE CRISIS LINE PEOPLE CALLED ME BACK AND TOLD ME THEY LOOKED IN A BOOK AND SAID THAT I WAS SERIOUS AND TO GET TO AN ER. SO I DID AND THERE YA HAVE IT. CASE CLOSED. I'M AN IDIIOT SO I WILL QUIT WRITTING HERE!
PLEASE READ AND GIVE ADVICE BEFORE 8:30 A/M IF POSSIBLE THANKS KITTY! AND BONNIE.
I'M SUPPOSE TO GO TO GROUP AT 9 TODAY AND ITS ONLY 15 MINS. AWAY HOWEVER I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS. I NEED TO PUT SELF FORGIVENESS #1 ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO CORRECT IN MY BEHAVIOR AS i CANNOT DO THIS AT THIS TIME! I'M JUST WANTIN TO LOUNGE TODAY AROUND THE HOUSE. NOT GET DRESSED. VERY TIRED AS I DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT VERY WELL AND SO I'VE HAD HARDLY ANY SLEEP FOR A WWEK.;
THEY WANT ME GOIN TO GROUP BUT WE HAD A HUGE SNOWSTORM AND I WAS IN IT WHEN IT WAS GOING STRONG YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. DO I GO OUT IN IT AGAIN? I HAVE TO LEAVE IN AN HOUR IF I DO GO?? YOUR HELP WOULB BE GREATELY APPREFCIATED
sorry i didn't respond in time. i hope you went. the roads weren't too horribly bad yesterday morning. i was doing just fine until some idiot decided to go around a corner too fast and tried braking to slow down and almost slid into me. luckily i was able to maneuver away enough to avoid getting hit.
Sometimes I find myself thinking what a jerk, when a reckless driver is around, or someone speeding or barely moving... Then I take a deep breath and ask God to forgive me and to be with these individuals and keep them safe.
Heck, my driving scares me even.... When really afraid of my driving, I just close my eyes... (okay, the second part was a joke). But seriously, my driving makes me afraid at times, so who am I to judge others?
Anyhow... be safe, say prayers for those who aggitate or annoy, ask for compassion for them and also for yourselves and remember to breathe...
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