Hi Lowdown, I'm sorry you are suffering. I haven't found any progress without pain in any area of my life. ESPECIALLY my mental illness. Sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's just uncomfortable, but I've never progressed without something changing. Change sucks - but if it gets you to a better place it's worth it. Hugs if ok.
The days have been all messed up, I can't drive when I'm depressed because the red signal lights and red car lights make me want to total the car. In two weeks I'm supposed to make amends with my dad for him hurting me when I was 14 years old and tell him how it has effected my life and my relationship with my husband, I don't know if I can, I still feel I need to progress more in my treatment before I can do that. I am proud to say as of right now it has been 4 weeks since my last sh episode. I got off the pain meds and got back on my depression and sleep meds, the pain meds were causing problems, I thought if I took them I didn't have to feel depressed or have emotions about anything, Boy was I wrong. Although I'm still in my dark hole and I'm fighting with myself each day not to pick up that next pain pill just because I think I need it. things will ok soon.
Congratulations on going 4 weeks without SH and also for getting off the pain meds.
As for making Amends with your Dad... Why must this be done in two weeks? If you do not feel ready to do this than my thought in the matter would be to trust your gut instincts and postpone this for now.
I applaud you being so brave and strong. Your positive thinking is also a step into the right direction.
You are correct... "things will be ok." You're on the right path.
I just want to say that I agree with everything Bonnie said above.
Is the making of amends on his schedule? Make it on yours. You are the injured person in the situation. Tell him, you'll accept his amends when you are ready to do so, but as you say, you aren't there yet.
Keep up the good work. As I said before, change sucks but is usually worth the effort.
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