I'm going to do some thinking out loud... I just wonder if any of my sisters here have thought about these things...
Have you ever wondered, how you were observed to be, by others? Example: I thought my body langauge was saying to others: Go away, leave me alone, not interested, etc. My T however, said she preceived my body language to be one of vulnerability thus drawing to me those I thought I was blocking.
Have you ever wondered how your words were heard by others? Example: Most of us are familiar with the poem: "There is a hole in the sidewalk." Well, in group this week, I learned that I take the words to be litteral. Others in the group heard these words as Metaphores. Wow, what a difference in hearing!
Have you ever wondered if your manner of communication was actually being conveyed in the manner you have thought? Example: I recently learned that my manner of communication might come across as an attack of sorts when what I may be trying to convey is actually the opposite.
And if you have ever.... how did it affect your perceptions of others and yourself? For myself, it has caused me to ask questions to see if I am hearing correctly, speaking and/or communicating clearly, and conveying what it is that I seek to convey.
"We are all students and we are all teachers, in life."
Often I wonder how I am being perceived. I always think I am stating my opinions/feelings, etc. clearly, but I often get the wrong response.
I don't like texting, because I use sarcasm/jokes in my communication & it doesn't come across as that in the written word. I also have been told to stop using sarcasm by a few therapists because I use it as a defense mechanism.
If I didn't have my sense of humor, I'd go even more crazy than I am. I have a few friends who get me, but often I still get in trouble, because I have a lot of negative feelings & they sometimes come out in inappropriate ways. I'm working on it, but as we say it's progress, not perfection.
So, to answer your question - yes I think a lot how others perceive me & how I perceive the world.
I use humor/sarcasm a lot as a defense mechanism. I also use self-deprecating humor a lot. I put myself down so that no one else can. If I make the fat/blonde/too-tall/crazy/whatever joke about myself, then you can't. I remember the last time I was IP, one of the nursing students sought me out to interview me as part of her curriculum. I said something like, "How many of us crazies are you supposed to interview for your classes?" She said something about my not being crazy, and I said, "Oh, hell yeah, I'm crazy. What sane person gives themselves a wound that requires stitches?" Would I say any of that about any of you all? Or any other folks I know who SH? Absolutely not! But I say it about myself. Defense mechanisms.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course, so does falling down a flight of stairs.
Things got so bad with my ex that before he could verbally start in, I would say: Yeah, I know, I'm fat, lazy, worthless, good for nothing, yadda, yadda, yadda... Is there anything new you have to add? Of course, verbal wasn't the only abuse and my smart mouth would set him off. I agree, that I did this as a coping mech so that it would not hurt so much... If I put myself down before others could then maybe they'd stop or see how it affected me... truth was he and others in my life did not care.
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