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    Crap ....trigger
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    I have to buy a lighter for forth of July.

    It just took me 25 min of ransacking the house to find the matched so we could set off some smoke bombs tonight. ( An alter hide them last Oct, and since I am integrated at the moment I couldn't just ask them where they were.)

    There were no lighters with the matches and they are always I have to buy a new one.

    Which creates the paradox of glee and temptation and urges. mater how healed I am ...some stuff just levels me.

    I have a current accidental iron burn on my arm right now everything is fresh and current, as I am fighting cravings.

    My son is now old enough to be 100% in charge of lighting stuff.

    Its just all very much like asking an alcoholic to hold your open beer as you set up your chair.

    sigh, so much temptation this time of year.
    I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
    sittingbull594 responded:
    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear its a tuff time of year for you!! I completely understand the festation and frustration of wanting to act upon urges! This is the time for all of those major coping strategies you have learned to come into play.

    I think I would ask hubby to buy lighter and then for hubby to get rid of it after the festivities. Because your son can light the fireworks let him do it all by himself with hubby supervising. Its such th edouble edged sword when you like to do something but its a detriment to ourselves.

    So when you really get bedoggled what can YOU do to stay safe?? I hope you will keep writing here if it helps you. I get it Paja. I don't have alters but have learned a lot from you about the subject. with that being said I unfortunately don't know how to respond to that inner turmoil. I do admire you for your strength is huge kiddo! Stay strong!!

    God speed! the website I think is down right now but you could check that. I hope I can be of some support to you right now??!!

    What I have experienced since we share the same method of sh is that if there is lighters in the house I will abuse them. Please let hubby buy the lighter ok?? If you can't have your hubby then find someone who you trust who can buy it for you.

    My husband is a smoker and I know if I really wanted a lighter (I have one already) that I could go into his van and get one.
    I've done some good damage to my leg and have cellulitis really bad and don't know how i'm gonna get rid of it. i'm on antibiotics for a sinus infection but its not getting rid of this stuff.

    Hang in there ok? we have one week of activities coming and then it will be over till next year. Like the little red engine said, I think I can I think I can I think I can not siv said paja!!!!

    I have confidance in you kiddo! You can overcome this! I know you can and the others too will listen to you Paja.

    Sometimes it is an upward struggle. Can you keep looking at photos of your current trip and also of past trips that aren't triggering?? and also if you have photos of the kids in albums?? Distract distract distract. Try though I know its not hard for you to keep busy as you are such a busy bee! when you rest try to read or do something that is soothing.

    If you can make some kind of structure now it will help with the upcoming junk. I would be glad to help if you'd like??!!
    tnmist responded:
    lovely_lemon_tree replied to tnmist's response:
    You know, I came to this peculiar realization the other day... and peculiar because it is totally bizarre to me while others ("normal" others) look at me like it's just a given..

    I don't have to act on my thoughts.

    A little something I thought I would offer up for you to chew on and mull over.

    I am mulling it over as well. It is very foreign and equally strange. Maybe it's this "healthy" part of myself that I've denied existence of for so long asserting itself.

    Maybe it's something you can consider as well.
    We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
    mandybutterflykiss responded:

    I just want to say that I understand how the temptation rises up and with it the urges. I like your analogy because I, too, feel that SH is like an addiction as it has been an effective coping mechanism in our pasts.

    I have SH'd only twice in these past 6 months but the urge to do so is great. I still struggle everyday with the urges. My T states they'll always be there... she is correct in stating however that the time between episodes would expand out.

    Hugs to you.


    Life is the school, Love is the lesson.
    rugger1369 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:

    I can only imagine the intesity of this time of year...but you have recognized ways to improve it and control it- such as the help from your son and the hub! Go you!

    much love and fulljoy

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