Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up

Announcements

It's been suggested that we leave a space between the start of a post and the triggering part.

Write something innocuous in the first line. then leave some spaces between in and the subject matter. this should take care of accidentally triggering someone.

How and Why to Report a Post
Scared of myself
avatar
An_256423 posted:
This may have triggers...



I am 19 years old, and was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia, and a whole mess of other small disorders a few years ago. I am on anxiety medication, but I still find it extremely difficult to function through the day. I only leave the house when I have to, and when I'm at home, I do nothing productive. I am seeing a counselor, and my family and friends are an amazing support system, but lately I have found myself thinking about self harm. This isn't something I had ever thought about during the last 6 years, but it seems to have popped into my head suddenly, and I can't think about anything else. I started off curious, wondering what it would feel like to touch a burning candle, or what I would have to be feeling to choose to cut myself.
But today I hit my tipping point. I was sitting in the bath, and my hands were itching for a razor. Instead, I ran my nails down my legs, scratching and leaving bright red, bumpy trails down my thighs. The relieve I felt was incredible. I felt as if I could breath again. I did it again and again, over and over, feeling the tingling burn. I then ran my hands through my hair, tugging and pulling it out. I started smiling, wanted to laugh. I suddenly felt light, free. I sat there for an hour, scratching whenever the feeling stopped. I finally reached for my razor. I held it against my skin, hesitantly. This suddenly made me realize that if I did this, I would be considered a cutter. I started crying, But then I ran the razor over my skin. I barely cut myself, just a dot of blood. So I I did it again, in different spots. Barely even bleeding, but the beautiful burn continued. I finally got out of the bath, and talked to a friend, because I was so scared.
Scared of how good it felt, and what I am doing with my life. I know its wrong and I should stop, but it makes me feel so good, I don't want to give it up. It still feels good, running my hands over the slowly fading marks.
I don't know why anyone would really care about this, but I just needed to let this out, to tell someone.
Reply
 
avatar
slik_kitty responded:
you are heading down a bad path. yes it does provide relief, but it's a very short lived relief. once you start this, it is extremely difficult to stop. tell your t about what is going on. you need to work on the why behind your feelings that make you want to self harm.
 
avatar
tnmist replied to slik_kitty's response:
((AN256, gentle hugs, if okay)). Please listen to Slik Kitty. She has given you good advice.
Misty


Spotlight: Member Stories

First I have to tell you the prior problem with my posts never got resolved, but I can be persistent; so here goes. I am a 57 year old woman who has s...More

Helpful Tips

question
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// this nothing meant dor taking away people s ... More
Was this Helpful?
10 of 15 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.